How Feeling Comfortable Alone Will Change Your Life
It makes you a better human.
I come across a great deal of stigma blended with confusion about spending time alone.
My family finds it strange. Their friends cringe at my morning ritual of sipping coffee alone, preferably at my favourite coffee shop. Guys I have dated raised their eyebrows. My friends accept my lust for solitude but find it bizarre.
Looking at people who dine alone, we jump to the conclusion they are lonely. However, just because their friends don’t tag along doesn’t mean they have no friends to begin with.
Society and social media glamorize overblown parties and crowds. The quantity has exceeded the quality. I have found that tranquillity and solitude make our lives soar.
People who like spending time with themselves simply feel comfortable with their thoughts.
I don’t find anything bizarre about that. I find it rare.
My friend gets close to panic attacks whenever she contemplates having coffee alone and people staring at her.
If the prospect of ‘a table for one’ makes your palms sweaty, here are some ideas to give you that nudge outside the door:
People are preoccupied with their own shit.
Sorry to break this to you: nobody cares if you are eating alone.
People are not watching you. You don’t take that much space of their minds.
Sure, they may wonder how come an attractive person like you sits alone, but there is no stigma about it. As soon as the thought pops into their minds, the next second, it goes out.
What is more, you’re a valuable person, and you don’t need the approval of anyone else for that to be true. Even if somebody does criticize you for being on your own, it is the reflection of their thinking, not your actual state.
Think about it like a form of meditation.
Time alone is necessary for our brains to unwind and recharge.
Instead of reaching out for a phone, or a book, devote the time for some introspection.
Uncomfortable situations are the best opportunities for getting to know ourselves better.
What emotions stir up inside? What thoughts spring to your mind? What are your biggest fears at the moment?
The drama of everyday life constantly fights for our attention. Hardly ever do we stop to question the pace of our lives. Spending time on your own is one of the most effective ways to moderate the ups and downs of your emotions.
Are you happy and fulfilled? Should you keep doing what you’re doing? Or, are you feeling unsatisfied? Should you change something?
Riding solo gives you time and space to evaluate where you are and where you want to be.
It makes you more attractive.
Most people are afraid of spending time alone. Embracing this daring adventure makes you stand out.
Every time you step outside your comfort zone, your confidence rises. That bold attitude brings new people and experiences into your life.
When you don’t condition your plans on your friends’ schedule, you are following through on your terms. It makes you powerful.
It also shows you have high standards. It is easy to find someone. It doesn’t mean you have to agree to anything or anyone that comes your way.
Being alone is an art. It means you feel comfortable in your body and confident in your mind.
What can be sexier than this?
It gives you freedom.
If you are used to spending time with people, there is a chance you got out of tune with your whims. Making independent choices develops better insight into who you are.
Have you been into jogging because your partner does every morning? Do you watch movies only your friends pick?
When you are alone, you are free to pursue life on your terms. You get to be selfish and tender to your needs without worrying about neglecting others.
There is also more to it. When you learn to function by yourself, you develop the ability to trust your gut and think clearly. When you gain a better understanding of who you are and what you want in life, you make better choices.
Trying things alone will uncover new tastes and mix up your preferences. Besides, if you find something you adore, you won’t even acknowledge you are doing it alone. The enthusiasm of the new activity will cancel out any discomfort.
It makes you productive.
Social interactions are draining. Our digital devices often make us feel like we need to be connected 24/7.
When you remove as many distractions as you can, you can concentrate and get more work done. Being surrounded by people, kills productivity.
Interruptions from your co-workers or family can disrupt your train of thoughts and make it difficult to jump back where you started. I know it well. I am a writer.
Creativity tends to flourish in solitude. When the mind wanders freely, it activates the brain’s default mode network, managing your thoughts and ideas.
People who prioritize spending time alone have better life satisfaction and lower levels of stress.
Feeling comfortable alone is not a luxury, it is a necessity.
It shows self-respect.
Running away from quality time with yourself says a lot about your relationship.
What are you afraid to face? What emotions are you trying to send to the back burner? Making time and space for tuning into your feelings is the highest form of self-love.
Catering to another person’s emotions leave you depleted. You eventually end up losing touch with your own.
Spending time alone mutes the outside world and helps you gain a new perspective. It creates a deeper understanding of what gives you fuel for life and what drains your energy.
Learn to be alone and to like it. There’s nothing more freeing & empowering than learning to like your own company.
— Mandy Hale
It makes you a better friend.
Absence does make the heart grow fonder.
Time alone allows you to reevaluate your relationships and develops a renewed sense of gratitude for people in your life, instead of being overwhelmed by their presence.
Cultivating a certain level of independence keeps the spark alive in a relationship. When you set aside time for solitude, you develop more compassion for others.
People who value their alone time are more in touch with themselves, better express self-awareness and empathy. Those traits promote high-quality relationships.
When we lose the capacity for solitude, we lose the ability to think. Our individuality gets blurred with the buzzing of the crowd. Before we can form any healthy bond with others, we need to learn how to keep company with ourselves.
You stop looking for validation.
Once you learn how to tune into your needs and feelings, you seldom look for advice from others.
Correlating your self-worth with the quantity of people you surround yourself, can be a potential drag on happiness.
External praise and validation are like a drug. You keep coming for more. Once the person fails to provide you with some, you are on the lookout for another source of attention. The circle never stops until you are the one to break it.
Desperately striving for others to spend every waking hour with you create unhealthy attachments. When you are confused about what you like, who you are, find out for yourself instead of looking for an outside source to prove your value.
When you feel comfortable alone, you’ll develop trust in your instincts without third party validation. After all, the gut is your second brain. Start using it.
It is okay to not be okay with it.
If you find solo trips hard, accept it. Don’t fight it. Don’t feel embarrassed about it. Most of all, don’t berate yourself for it.
Some people thrive in solitude. Others desire to connect. Both needs are valid.
Embracing solitude is a skill that makes life easier.
Sitting by myself at the coffee shop tastes like liberation, somehow tainted with fear and uneasiness. But despite the mix of emotions, I carry on immersed in it.
Your relationship is the most important you will ever get a chance to cultivate. Never lose sight of it. That coffee alone is your biggest investment.
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