Why I Chase Rejection

The key to a successful and bullshit-free life.

I used to fear being rejected. Whether in a job interview, asking a guy on a date or asking for help. My perfectionist side would surface disguised as a fear of failure: “Don’t take the next step, you might mess up your latest progress”.

Do you know what the fear has presented me with?

Comfort zone. Stability. Anxiety. I was merely floating. What an infertile way of existing.

Fear from rejection deprives you of chances to grow, navigating through new relationships, experimenting with the raw taste of life.

But the same fear can also unravel a fertile ground for self-growth.

Because I became aware of my unbiased fear of rejection, I got to face it and love it eventually. I got fed up with playing it safe and dived deep whenever I got the chance to exercise my newfound freedom.

Submitting articles to prominent publications, standing up for my truth, denying invitations, setting boundaries with my family has made me resilient.

My life got more exciting. Creativity started flowing uncontrollably. I travel on my own. I am meeting new people because I no longer fear making the first move. I am no longer trying to impress, that is why I desire to express.

Rejection has made me bolder, more decisive.

I have channelled the feeling like I can take over the world. Just don’t fancy it. So don’t worry.

How can you tell you suffer from fear of failure?

Humankind strives for attention in the form of recognition and acceptance. Often this desire is accompanied by the concern of not meeting whimsical expectations of society.

We embark on a cruise of hindering our progress, ironically caused by the fear alone:

• you sabotage your progress through procrastination or excessive anxiety
• you come up with excuses not to participate in challenging projects, meetings, or events.
• you lack confidence in your abilities,
• you trash your self-worth with negative self-talk,
• perfectionist nature; you try only those things you excel at, for fear of making a fool out of yourself.

You have good intentions by trying to protect yourself. In reality, those good intentions prevent you from growing. And growing means knowing yourself and exercising the potential for fulfilling your desires.

I have a theory about life experiences: If you haven’t been rejected, it means you are not aiming high enough. You miss a lot when you give in to the voice of fear.

Rejection will not sting, but it surely does feel like it. The research demonstrates that physical pain and feeling of rejection activate the same regions of the brain.

The question arises:

How do we become immune to the pain of rejection?

We don’t. The trick is to embrace it.

Relinquish the desire to attain praise.

That’s right.

Whatever you are chasing, you are simultaneously repelling.

There are many bullet points when scrolling through self-help articles aimed at taming the fear of rejection. We fear judgment. We fear missing out on unrecognized chances.

I believe they all boil down to one: your self-worth.

When you undermine your morale with a lack of belief, you sabotage your every move. Expecting rejection invite more of it into your experience.

Fragile confidence chips away self-trust and drive for excellence. Since you are not showing up for yourself, how can you expect the world to put faith in you?

Once your self-esteem skyrockets, you no longer need external validation to prove your worthiness.

Since like attracts like, striving for something does not feel like having it. When you no longer chase praise, no fear of rejection can control you either.

I was hungry for validation. My desperation was tangible. No wonder I could not reach it. I lacked self-worth. I lacked the feeling of having it because I always linked it to something out of my reach.

And honey, nobody can grant you love if you do not cultivate it within yourself.

Choose not to be influenced by the external circumstances, for they are not yours to be defined. Your happiness, your success, and your attitude stem from you. What you are delivering into this world, you are also receiving.

What rejection is not.

A rejection is not a reflection of your:

• abilities,
• talents,
• self-worth

A rejection is simply a roadmap to your best fit.

I was learning the craft; I didn’t study writing in school. Rejection was my motivation, and failure is what taught me. — Pierce Brown

There are plenty of success stories that emerged after consistent rejection.

There would be no Michael Jordan if he followed the rejection of his high school coach. There would be no Harry Potter had J.K. Rowling let her first rejection take the upper hand from submitting to the next publications. She has already channelled Ariana Grande’s approach: Thank you, next.

Resist following the crowd. Have the courage to be yourself, especially when people don’t seem to understand. Create your Own Story. Remain true to your values that align with your desires, so they become anchored in your everyday life.

Ditch the familiar.

Don’t linger in your comfort zone. Create the new one, outside the known.

Our minds cling to the familiar, but exposing yourself to uncomfortable life situations is madly thrilling.

I am not advising to dive into the deep waters head-on, but start with small steps to build a powerful attitude as your shield.

After all, a smooth sea never made a skilful warrior. The raging sea will always educate you how to sail, exposing the broader perspective, especially in the midst of the massive chaos.

I do not advocate forcing yourself into an uncomfortable situation over and over again. Do not allow to be criticized or mocked by a family member during weekly gatherings. That is not what self-care and boundaries are all about.

Have a coffee with the person who challenges your point of you, have that lunch alone, start that dating profile, take that business course you have been contemplating too long.

Uncomfortable experiences speed up our growth. They exercise your resilience, shape the character. When confronted with opposing views, you cultivate acceptance and peace within yourself, unbothered by external influences.

There is no way you are going to avoid rejection in your life altogether, so it is better to embrace it. Since you cannot change the rejection itself, alter your perception of it.

If you are constantly preparing for the worst to happen, how can you experience something greater?

Remove failure from your vocabulary.

Fear will always become what you make of it. Yes, it can be given a paralysing power. But it can also spark curiosity and redirect your old patterns of reasoning.

Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better. — dr Steve Maraboli

Whenever rejection happens, claim it as a blissful redirection. A new path to a thrilling journey.

The world assists you through its guidance and uniquely tailored opportunities to serve your purpose.

The more you face the harsh reality of ‘no’, the more resilient your shield becomes. Eventually, denying the access no longer stirs uncomfortable emotions, you become immune to it.

I came to appreciate any form of guidance, and rejection is one of them. I no longer deem it as scary or unfair.

Life experiences are here to serve and shape us.

Put unshakeable trust in your ability to recognize promising openings instead of dreading them. I no longer fear the dark, as it is a truly wonderful place to nourish and discover the light.

Befriend your fears. Let rejection serve you.

Rejection means you are trying to find your place. And seeking promises courage and a myriad of opportunities.

Rejection means freedom. Step outside the comfort zone, the safety. Leave behind what you have already created so that you can start creating anew.

Rejection helps you to discover your strengths. Give in to the flow of life. Let its waves sculpt you like water shapes the rock. Only then will you be able to truly know thyself.

Giving in does not equal abandoning all action and care of the world. Quite the opposite, actually. Letting go of the control means trusting. And trust takes a lot of courage.

The world is truly a fascinating place. It provides you with every tool to cope.

Let’s accept diversity. The ability to appreciate the contrasting variety in the midst of chaos is an undeniable masterpiece.

Don’t place your dreams on the back burner. They don’t belong there, and as long as you are showing up for yourself, you will find your steady ground.

Go on. Chase that rejection instead of shying away from any attempts at life.