5 Ways to Make Your Cuffing Season Relationship Last
The spring doesn’t have to thaw your winter passion
Spring is just around the corner, and for many people, that means new beginnings — and saying goodbye to the same old, same old. That may even mean saying goodbye to someone, especially if that someone is a short-term partner you found to keep you warm during the winter months and make the holiday season feel less lonely. Despite what the name implies, cuffing season relationships are meant to be temporary, and are forged into when cold takes hold and we want someone to hibernate with.
“Cuffing season can be defined as the period of time where single individuals look to pursue relationships as the temperature drops. When it’s cold, people often crave the warmth of another individual and the companionship it can bring,” said Megwyn White, Certified Clinical Sexologist and Director of Education for Satisfyer. “Cuffing season relationships typically start in the fall and last until spring rolls around, making them rather short and temporary relationships.”
But what if you don’t want the relationship to be temporary? What if you have grown pretty fond of your cuffing season partner and you want to explore weathering out the rest of the seasons together? The following are five ways you can make your cuffing season relationship a bit more than a temporary fling.
Move Away From the Temporary Mindset
People generally go into cuffing season relationships with a temporary mindset, so they don’t put effort into the connection that they otherwise would. This can create a barrier between you and your partner that you need to let go of to make the relationship something more than a seasonal fling.
“A lot of these relationships fizzle out since partners later discover they have good physical chemistry, but their lives just aren’t compatible.” — Sameera Sullivan
“If you enter a relationship with an expiration date already in mind, odds are that you won’t invest much in it. As a result, ‘cuffing season’ relationships may end before the partners have even explored their full potential,” said Dr. Justin Lehmiller, Resident Sex Researcher for ASTROGLIDE. “If what you really want is a long-term relationship, but you’re starting a relationship with a temporary mindset, you might miss out on a wonderful opportunity. No matter what time of year it is, if you and your partner are hitting it off, it’s probably worth investing and giving it a chance.”
Communicate Openly and Honestly About What You Want
If you and your partner have agreed to participate in a cuffing season relationship, you have both gone into it with an understanding that it will be light and fun — and short. But if you’re feeling like you want to move the relationship forward, it requires changing the terms of the agreement. The only way to do that is to be open and honest about how you hope to transform the relationship.
“Talk to your partner if you feel your feelings changing,” said therapist and social worker Alisha Powell, PhD, LCSW. “It doesn’t need to be a serious conversation initially, but you can keep it lighthearted and pose a hypothetical question. Pay attention to your partner’s nonverbal cues during conversations. Do they appear to be closed off? Are they genuinely asking for your thoughts or perspective? Do they give you eye contact? Our body language rarely lies and seeing their reaction can also help you to see if they may be on board with the idea.”
“If you enter a relationship with an expiration date already in mind, odds are that you won’t invest much in it.” — Dr. Justin Lehmiller
Take It Slow
When you’re in a cuffing season relationship, you may rush into all of the sex and holiday activities you would expect from a long-term relationship. But what you probably don’t do is really slow down and get to know your partner because you just don’t have the time to think about it. If you want to spring into the rest of the year with this person, however, now is the time to really get to know them so you can move forward in a healthy way.
“The first and foremost thing I tell couples is to take it slow. It’s not old-fashioned to have a three-date or five-date rule, especially during a high-intensity time such as cuffing season,” said relationship expert Sameera Sullivan. “Consider taking things slow, where you try to form a strong mental connection before advancing further. Here, really try to get to know the person — their past, present, and future — to see where you can align in their lives. A lot of these relationships fizzle out since partners later discover they have good physical chemistry, but their lives just aren’t compatible. Wait and learn about each other — trust me, the passion afterward will be more than worth it.”
Make Memories Together
If you want to transition your cuffing fling into a long-term relationship, you have to behave in the same ways that you would in a long-term relationship. So instead of hunkering down in bed all the time to keep each other warm, you need to take the relationship out of the bedroom and make memories together.
“Just because you are in a relationship does not mean you have to stop prioritizing yourself.” — Megwyn White
“Build a real bond, beyond just shacking up to avoid the cold,” said Gila “Weezy” Shlomi, Co-Host of the Whoreible Decisions podcast. “Make lasting memories together. Make future plans for when it’s warmer — always having something to look forward to is a big deal in any long-term relationship.”
Remember Self-Care
Although you want to make your cuffing relationship more of a long-lasting one, it’s still important to make self-care a priority. Giving yourself love and attention in a healthy way can set you up for a successful long-term relationship as you work together to strengthen your bond.
“If you find a partner that you really like, one way to keep the relationship healthy and strong is to continue doing activities that make you happy together and apart,” White said. “Just because you are in a relationship does not mean you have to stop prioritizing yourself. By maintaining your passions and sharing them with your partner, you can both start to create shared memories and moments that you will enjoy doing together.”
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