How to Have Sex
Winter Warmth: A Little Love for My Upper Half
Breast winterization is a challenge of self-care. Treat yo’ icy nips!
Texas doesn’t like to give in to cooler temperatures, but this morning I woke up to a morning in the 30s. I know this because I emerged from my warm cocoon with fully erect nipples.
Hello ladies.
Of course, I don’t mind a bit of cold and I certainly don’t mind a bit of erection, but I’m taking my physical reaction to the temperature as communication.
My breasts were trying to tell me something. This time, I intend to listen and respond like a good breast-mom.
Listen to the signs
I wrote recently about the declining moistness of my breasts. I missed the signs. It seems I don’t check in with my breasts often enough.
My breasts are just kind of there. We are like old friends that meet in the street from time to time and say niceties like: “Let’s do lunch sometime,” or “We simply must get together soon.”
I do treat my breasts with an amount of awareness. I wash and moisturize them. I place them in lace hammocks most every day. I even tend to ol’ righty’s sporadic whiskers.
Still, I could do more. Reading some of the stories that people write about their breasts, I realize that breast care, while annoying, is enviable.
Even I, who did not have breasts until I was 28, look upon my breasts with reverence. I am in awe of them. I love them.
With the steady wheel turning towards winter, cool, darkness, slumber, and icy nipples, I intend on winterizing and caring for my breasts through this season as only I can.
Raiding my fancy lotion samples
I often return from trips to boutiques and body shops with samples. Even online stores offer a number of tiny vials with purchases in hopes that I will fall in love with their store or with their products and buy more.
During a decluttering sesh not long ago, many of these vials went in the trash. I didn’t need them, I thought. It wasn’t until recently I remembered that these fancy samples of moisturizer are beautiful products that I can use on more than just my face.
The hydrating cream that is a bit oily and overly rose-scented? I use it on my hands for a little spa treatment.
The vitamin-C goo that pumps a little too vigorously? I rub the excess into the skin around my collarbones and chest.
The age-defying overnight cream that I don’t care for the scent of but feels divine? I have decided to slather that snake oil on the ladies.
I’m excited that I don’t have to throw away perfectly good products. And my breasts love it! I don’t even mind if they start to look younger than my face.
Hitting the showers
I love to lean into the scents of the season through the decadence of warm baths or hot showers. Sometimes I like to stretch the time in the warm and steam. One way to do this is by exfoliating. Exfoliating takes forever.
I challenge myself to make a few small jars of this DIY peppermint vanilla sugar scrub for my chest and breasts, with a few extra for gifting to friends. Perhaps I’ll call it Mrs. Claus’ Cookie Butter.
Soft fabrics, scarves, & cozy sweaters
At a time, I raided my closet and donated all of the clothes that were not comfortable and soft.
Life is too short and way too long to wear uncomfortable clothes. Especially as the seasons change and the weather requires that I layer and add more clothes, it is important to remember that comfort makes every part of my body sigh with pleasure.
The season of cool in the United States is also a season of holidays. It is a season of gathering with family and S.T.R.E.S.S. Positive or negative, the social expectations and calendars of the months that call for hibernation are over the top.
When it comes to winter wear, I must honor my body — and my boobies — with clothes that hold and do not pinch, that fit but do not fall, that caress and do not irritate, that give and do not take.
Supple dress = supple breasts.
Matching Underwear Sets
I appreciate my breasts by coordinating my bras and underwear to match.
I’m not one for push-ups or thick pads of foam to create a bulbous effect, but I feel most confident — walk with my “tits up” — when my undergarments are aligned. My tits deserve to be held in this high esteem.
In the same vein, I also excuse myself to throw away failing undergarments. I have no time (or f**ks to give) to deal with incessant poking from exposed metal or disintegrating elastic.
Spicy nights (turning up the heat)
In explanation, I will provide 3 levels.
Spice Level 1: Literally. I turn up the heat. Keeping my house at 68 degrees isn’t exactly my idea of roughing it, but it can keep the chill from leaving my bones (and my titties). Sometimes I turn up the heat to 74, just to give me and the girls a break.
One night a week is alright, perhaps pairing with the cuisine, music, and cocktails a la Cubano.
Spice Level 2: I’ll climb into bed and have a fabulous session of self-pleasure under every blanket I own, with ample warmth and attention given to every inch of my chilliness.
Spice Level 3: I’ll invite a friend to my blanket fort. Sharing heat is a great way to pass time and give my breasts a little toasty social interaction.
Filling my stocking
Giving gifts is one of my favorite things. I especially like giving gifts to me.
It sounds like a cliche, but these are gifts that I shop for, order or buy, and wrap to put beneath our Christmas tree. I’m a bit of a romantic in this way.
Oh, Brett, it’s perfect! You shouldn’t have.
The holidays can be hard. So much attention is given to being where I’m supposed to be, when I am supposed to be there. I find myself giving to exhaustion to make other people happy.
I deal with this inevitability by preparing for the holidays with a couple of gifts for myself. The quiet, cozy opening of these gifts gives me something to look forward to when December seems to race against my sanity.
This year, I will keep my breasts in mind when I’m shopping.
Is a “Breast-mas List” a thing? If it isn’t, it is now.
What’s on your Breastmas List?
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On Wine: Ways I Wine Tour Like a Bossb*itch
On Sassy Self-Pleasure: When I Say “It’s My Pleasure” I Don’t Really Mean It
On Sex & Sexuality: “Teenie” Gets My Hands Slapped
