How to Have Sex
Breast Moisture is the Next Big Thing
Slather up your girls, ladies
I don’t love shopping, but when I do it comes with ample sampling and a bit of an education.
Sometimes this education feels biased. Kind of like the day I found myself in a popular “face colors and creams” boutique and was given a tip for the supple surface area South of my face.
How moist is moist enough?
I didn’t know that my breasts required regular moistening. Certainly not the kind of moistening that costs $45 for a tiny tub of “hydroboost” and “plumper” with instructions for application twice daily.
I didn’t even know that my breasts were dry. The thirsty buggers never said anything to me.
A missed communication
Perhaps we need to have more conversations, my breasts and I. I’d like to be sure they’re happy, and I certainly don’t want them drying out.
I want them to know that I care for their moistness. I just wish that I would have known it was important to them sooner.
I mean, I hated to hear about the moistlessness of my breasts from a total stranger.
We’re together all the time. They could have mentioned it.
Houston, we have a problem
Perhaps they felt embarrassed. Perhaps they thought that good breasts would carry and keep a satisfactory level of moistness on their own.
I wouldn’t have judged them if they had confided in me their need for a higher moisture level.
It’s a shame, really. I have plenty of acceptable moistening products that I could have been slathering on them.
Years I could have been slathering.
Alas, those years have gone by and my breasts have been withering under my very nose.
Such lost time. Lost moistness, even!
Recovery is lifelong
I did not buy the second bottle of hydrating cream as they suggested, but I did begin moisturizing regularly.
I believe the girls and I have recovered from our missed communication, but it was a close one.
My breasts could have shriveled to the size and texture of walnuts, my nipples inverting if not disappearing into the broken, leathery exoskeleton that could have become my breast skin.
A crinkly desert with nipples as pocks of darkness would be all that remained of my ladies were it not for this salesperson.
I have achieved proper moistness, I think.
Thank you, friend. Thanks for the moist tip(s).
Please feel free to check out my profile: Brett Jenae Tomlin. Comment below if we have something in common, if you have anxiety or if you like what you’ve read. Do you have any questions for me?
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On Comfort Food: Gouda Grilled Cheese Sammies
On Autumn: Equinox Love: A List of Mindful Ways to Feel Fall
On Wine: Ways I Wine Tour Like a Bossb*itch
On Sassy Self-Pleasure: When I Say “It’s My Pleasure” I Don’t Really Mean It
On Sex & Sexuality: “Teenie” Gets My Hands Slapped
