The Anxious Beginner’s Guide to Wine

Ways I wine tour like a bossb*tch

I’m an adult; I get the most out of my wine experiences

The best way to get to know wine is to dabble in it and drink it. It is for this reason that when I find myself in a place that offers me the opportunity to get to know wine in a more intimate and stress-free way, I show up to get the most out of it.

I prioritize and book tours of all kinds

I book tours. I book them ahead of time. Tours are not just for wine. They are great for wine, spirits & beer because I don’t need to trouble myself finding a driver who is willing to stay sipless. This means I can truly let go of control and give way to experience.

I book tours. I book them ahead of time.

There’s a tour for every fascination. I’ve enjoyed aquarium tours, museum tours, historical tours, architectural tours, segway tours, marine/boat tours, cemetery tours, culinary tours, and paranormal tours. They have been different in style, activity level, and location, but each has added value to my travel and life experience.

I book tours that pair wine with experiences

Wine tours are fabulous for mixing wine with local flavors. My tours in Napa, California have been experiences in themselves. No matter the time of year, the history of the famous wine-growing countryside is deep, captivating, and still fresh with the scent of pressed olives and grapes.

Wine tours are fabulous for mixing wine with local flavors.

In the fall of 2021, I spent a day on a wine trolley in Fredericksburg, Texas that wound itself around the lush green and then dust-covered Hill Country of central Texas.

This summer’s feature was a waterfall & wine experience in the Woodinville area of Washington that began with a two-hour visit to the jaw-dropping Snoqualmie Falls.

I pre-game with breakfast and coffee

It is imperative to begin my day with a happy belly and a cuppa or two, especially when wine-o-clock begins at 10:00 in the morning and ends at 6:00.

I ask questions

The closer I get to the people who make wine, the more I realize that people who love and create wine are genuine and earthy.

My favorite wine tours are those where I find myself heading into a full- or semi-agricultural area where grapes are grown to speak with the people who grow, manicure, and positively nerd out about wine.

I allow myself to ask questions because the answers are both creative and gratifying.

I allow myself to ask questions because the answers are both creative and gratifying. Wine is not an exclusive club, as much as it seems it could be so. Wine professionals, as knowledgeable as they are, vary. If they make me feel small it is not because of wine.

I delight in storytelling

Wine meccas give me access to people who have an investment in my pleasure as they do their jobs for their own pleasure. These people are storytellers of the best kind: they pair their passion for stories with great taste and distinguishing palettes that love what I love.

As these pleasure-full people open their doors to tour groups, they tell stories of all kinds. I allow myself to become rapt to the comedy and tragedy, the journey of the fruits of years past poured into me.

I delight in every earful. Sinking deep into my passion, I listen to their tales while sipping a bit of liquid history.

I taste everything I’m offered (and sometimes ask for more)

Exploration is adoration. Wine tours allow me to taste more kinds of wine than I would ever be able to try at home while also giving me the opportunity to try new and/or experimental blends, sometimes straight from the barrel.

And try I do.

I drink water all day long

Every time I am offered a bottle of water by a tour driver, I take it. There is nothing wrong with getting tipsy (also a bossb*tch move) as I’m paying for that experience, too, but those luscious tasting sips add up quick.

The drinking day that starts midmorning is long and as I’m tasting to further my passion and to buy the wines I like, I must be able to taste them. The way to do this is to pace myself by drinking water, eating vittles and a proper lunch, and using a spit bucket.

I use a spit bucket

I do not spit wine into buckets. I taste, and if I am mildly unamused I dump the rest of my sample from my glass into the small bucket that most wineries will either have out or will graciously provide if I ask.

There is neither time nor space on tour to drink wine I do not like.

Wine flows strong and fast on wine tours. There is neither time nor space on tour to drink wine I do not like. If I want more wine, I will ask for a sample of something else or buy a bottle I love and drink it anon.

I buy my favorite wines at each winery

When wine touring, it is common for wineries to incentivize buying bottles of wine. Whether it is waiving tasting fees or discounting bottles if I buy more than one, it is well worth it for me to buy as much wine as I’m willing to carry.

The bottles sold in these areas are small-batch, limited selections not available in stores and for the quality I pay much less per bottle.

Buying my favorite bottles is an effortless way to have ready personal gifts for friends and to stock my wine selection with bottles I know I love for quiet nights alone or bustling nights entertaining guests.

I rebook with great tour companies

We have taken three wildly different tours from Platypus Wine Tours on our trips to the Napa County, California area. Every tour takes us to small, boutique wineries run by humans who love to share what they love and love to love what they share.

Re-booking is a no-brainer.

Re-booking is a no-brainer. From the tour guides to the fellow tourers to the friendly, inspired door-openers who overflow with stories and wine, I simply have not been able to keep myself away from my next wine adventure each time I return.

I get a little tipsy

Wine is an experience. It comes from a place and if I let it happen, I am invited to become a part of its story.

Along my touring way, I have tasted and bought much wine, made friends, connected to my passion for wine, and received multiple educations. Each time, I step cautiously out of the tour bus at the end of the day with the most lovely feeling of having been somewhere truly magical.

I drink and I am merry. I get tipsy. I will grind up on new friends in a moving bus while one of them signs my chest.

I will grind up on new friends in a moving bus while one of them signs my chest.

I wine tour like a bossb*tch

These seem like rules, but I wine tour like a bossb*tch because it leaves room to make the most of every opportunity, including that most joyful, unforgettable surprise dance party at the end of a long day of tasting. It just doesn’t get any better than that.

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