Why Does Your Financial Success Make Your Narcissist Ex Furious?
You didn’t expect them to be happy for you, did you?
The narcissist has a strong need to be better than you.
They felt it from day one. They tolerated you because you elevated their status, provided resources, including narcissistic supply, and you reinforced their persona to both themselves and the world.
When they felt you did those things adequately, you were “all good.” Unfortunately, as you know too well, that didn’t last long.
The narcissist quickly started devaluing you, frequently seeing you as “all bad.”
When you were successful, they were jealous and thought you were full of yourself, showing them up. When you weren’t, they thought you reflected negatively on them.
When you contributed greatly to the household budget, they felt they were entitled to your efforts and money. During the periods of time that you contributed non-financial resources, as in care of children or home, you were seen as a leech, spending “their” money.
To the narcissist, you were an object, not a person.
Your success makes the narcissist furious
Why? Narcissists are rooted in scarcity and fear.
The narcissist doesn’t see you as a person deserving of success. They believe your success detracts from them. Perhaps they think they look bad because you’re more successful. Maybe they believe they look bad because they let you go. If their persona plays the victim, they may believe it’s people like you who take away their opportunities.
The narcissist feels entitled to your resources. Though you’re no longer together, the narcissist still feels they own you. Much like a two-year-old, “What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine.” They believe they paid their dues being married to you and should enjoy your wealth now.
The narcissist feels you held back the best of who you are when you were with them. They feel cheated, robbed of the opportunity to enjoy this income and success.
The narcissist projects their self-loathing onto you. Maybe they are not enjoying such wild success. Maybe their new source of supply isn’t the person they’d hoped. Maybe they feel like they really screwed up in letting you go — not because they love you, but because of the resources lost. Rather than own their reality and their feelings, the narcissist projects their negative self-talk onto you. It’s much easier to hate the villain.
The narcissist will never be happy for you
They may say they’re happy for you if that suits their persona. They may even believe it. But the reality is your financial and career success causes narcissistic injury. It threatens their beliefs about you. It threatens their persona and their made-up reality.
Fortunately, you have no responsibility for their happiness.
One of the benefits of healing is THRIVING, in more ways than you can imagine.
Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.
Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.
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