Why Americans Are So Lonely
And what they can learn from the eastern culture to beat loneliness.
I’ve been single for most of my life, with only two exceptions.
In my early university years, I fell in love with a girl four years older than me and then a few years ago, with another girl (no, this time, she was my age). Both the relationships were short-lived. The reason is — I become stupid when I fall in love, and then everything falls apart. Probably that’s why I am less enthusiastic about having more romantic relationships in my life. But am I a lonely person?
Hell, No!
I am surrounded by people wherever I go, and I enjoy and value relationships with others (though I think I’m quite an introverted guy).
Even now, in my early thirties, I regularly go to the field, play volleyball or cricket, go birdwatching, spend time with my pet Mini, and yes, I make new friends now and then.
In my life, loneliness has no place. I am a loneliness-killer. So, when I read that 3 out of 5 Americans are lonely and the loneliness epidemic is reaching sky-high with time, I was like — Oh, No! There must be something terribly terribly wrong with the American people.
Later, I learned more about American loneliness, their work culture, dreams, expectations, and eventually realized that America is never the dreamland we, eastern people, think it is. Instead, it’s a maze of loneliness where people rarely reach the other end and be free.
For god’s sake, don’t confuse this loneliness with “solitude” — because solitude is a profound thing that turns you into a creative person, makes you a poet, or gets you closer to your god. Solitude is the aesthetic silence, and Rumi said, In silence there is eloquence.
Loneliness is distributed among all American people of different ages in various intensities. But the young Americans are the loneliest of all.
Despite having Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tinder, and thousands of other social connectivity platforms, young Americans feel isolated and low. They go through the actual hell of life-damaging loneliness.
A recent global survey titled The BBC Loneliness Experiment revealed that self-reported loneliness is highest among young people, men, and those in “individualistic” societies.
So, you can safely say that America’s highly-individualistic culture is one of the driving forces behind their people’s growing loneliness. It’s in their way of living, how they see the world, what they dream about, and how they interact with each other. But not only Americans but also people living in Europe are also great victims of loneliness.
Now the obvious question is — how do the people (in general) in America or the western countries see the world?
A few months ago, I interviewed one of my fellow writers who was born in Hungary (now living in Germany). As a tour guide, she had spent a great deal of her time traveling to both Asian and European countries over the years.
When I asked her about the major differences in people’s mindsets between the two parts of the world — Europe and Asia, and how they are different from each other, this is what she said —
“ Lonely people are rare in Asia, while in Europe it is a big problem. They (Asian people) keep in touch with family members that we in Europe do not even know.
I have an example of how important is family for them. My friend in India had a brother who did not have a child for a long time, and the years just passed. My friend already had one and decided to have another baby and give it to his brother and wife. Since then, they are a happy mother and father. Such a sacrifice is not imaginable in Europe.
Also, even poor people are so generous with the guests. They invite you, offer you meals, give you a gift and take it as a pleasure. They are admirably selfless.”
Are American people selfless in general? Do they value relationships over money? Happiness over fame?
I am not saying all the people living in eastern countries are free from loneliness problems. No, they have their fair share — but due to their cultures, strong family bonding, less-ambitious lifestyle, and approach towards life, they hardly feel lonely even in their worst time.
Because they are always surrounded by other people; family members, friends, neighbors, well-wishers, and so on.
But it is to note that this trend is changing rapidly. Especially in big cities as people are becoming more individualistic following western cultures. I hope you understand that the grass always seems greener on the other side.
Anyway, despite attending parties after parties, hanging out with friends, drinking and dancing, working hard, pursuing a career, earning more money, and doing what they want, Americans are still becoming lonelier with time.
A recent national survey of American adults reports, “36% of respondents reported serious loneliness — feeling lonely “frequently” or “almost all the time or all the time” in the four weeks before the survey. This included 61% of young people aged 18–25 and 51% of mothers with young children.”
The survey also revealed that 43% of young adults reported increases in loneliness since the pandemic, and half of them reported that no one in the past few weeks had “genuinely cared” about how they were doing.
And it’s destroying their mental health as, according to CDC, 63% of these young lonely Americans are showing the symptoms of anxiety or depression.
Now, I hope you are wondering, what can American people do to beat this loneliness epidemic?
Well, identifying what exactly is causing the loneliness is the first step. Is it because you don’t have any friends? Or, do you feel that you are a failure while others are shining like stars? Is it heartbreak, loss of near ones, financial insecurity, health issues, bad terms with your parents? Is it because the way you see the world is too transactional?
Ask a billion questions to yourself, try to find the answers. If necessary, seek help from mental health experts and then follow the instructions religiously.
But if you ask an eastern-guy like me, I will tell you to do the following things to kick out loneliness from your life —
- Don’t be overambitious (don’t ruin your life by working your ass off to become a millionaire/billionaire).
- Don’t live in the future (instead, try to enjoy the present moment).
- Limit your social media presence (social media makes you lonelier every second).
- Reconnect with your family and friends (meet-up, talk, laugh, play, cook, and enjoy).
- Be physically active (you can play volleyball like me or go to the gym for an hour every day).
- Look down and be grateful for what you have (see the people in poor conditions than you, visit hospitals or graveyards).
- Rebuild your relationship with the natural world (be an observant student in the school of nature).
- Read great books, watch inspiring movies or documentaries, listen to good music, and express your thoughts through writing.
- Meditate (you may adopt these unusual meditations like me).
- Make new and lovely habits (like gardening, plogging, etc.)
- And, of course, adopt a pet (you know, my cat Mini significantly enhanced my happiness).
Whether you live in America, Europe, Asia, or anywhere in the world, times surely come when you feel left out, isolated, and lonely. No one remains pumped-up all through their life.
But the best way to get back on track is to understand the reasons behind your loneliness and then adjust your actions accordingly.
Have an exciting and eventful life!
Thank you for reading.
You may read my following articles on Mind Cafe to know more about life and happiness