Your Ultimate Guide to Kill Loneliness
There is no rocket science, this is how you do it
Do you know how many people feel lonely just like you? Any idea?
Loneliness is so common, especially in rich countries, that termed as ‘loneliness epidemic’. You’ll find tons of newspaper articles that will tell you the same.
People around the world are lonely — depressed — devastated. It doesn’t matter whether they are — engaged, married, separated, or living alone. People feel loneliness deep inside.
Let me show you some facts and figures:
- More than three in five Americans are lonely.
- Almost a fifth of adults, 9 million people in the UK don’t have friends and they feel lonely.
- There are 1.2 million chronically lonely older people in the UK.
- Half a million older people go at least five or six days a week without seeing or speaking to anyone at all.
So, if you feel you’re the only person experiencing loneliness, I will whisper into your ears and say, ‘Hey, you’re not. There are many people just like you. So, don’t even worry about that. This is okay.’
Who Told You I’m Lonely?
I don’t know — maybe you are, maybe not. Let’s see what a boring definition can tell us.
What is loneliness?
Loneliness, also described as psychological or social pain, is an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation.
That means loneliness is a kind of emotional state that motivates you to seek social connections. But you may feel lonely even during a party surrounded by friends.
Loneliness is often associated with an unwanted lack of connection and intimacy. Remember, loneliness is not solitude. That’s a different thing we’ll talk about later someday.
How it is measured?
Different studies measure loneliness in different ways. Let’s talk about just one — UCLA Loneliness Scale.
This is a 20-item questionnaire scale developed to assess self-reported, subjective feelings of loneliness or social isolation. According to the scale, loneliness is measured by a score of 43 or higher.
In this method, respondents are asked to rate their reactions to statements such as “How often do you feel outgoing and friendly?” and “How often do you feel alone?”
Okay, enough of it. Let’s move on.
Why Loneliness Matters
Do you know, men are more lonely than women? And, younger people are lonelier than older people?
Loneliness seems universal. Everyone, at some point in life, experiences loneliness. And this is okay until it starts killing you. It gives you a continuous reminder that you are the only one left alone — everyone else is going superb.
Loneliness destroys your mental status. It compels you to admit that you’re good at nothing and you deserve nothing. But, I can assure you, this is not true.
What causes loneliness?
There are a few well-known things like changing jobs or schools, moving to a new city, ending a long relationship, living alone, having no good friends, suffering poor health conditions, having low-quality social relationships, etc.
I think most of these lead to a particular point — lack of connections and intimacy.
Being social animals, we need good connections and intimacy with other human beings and nature to function properly. Remember, we experience loneliness when we are disconnected, or we feel disconnected from our surroundings.
Does loneliness kill you?
Not directly but yes, chronic loneliness can lead you towards the end.
Don’t you see that it’s already killing your mental peace ruining your everyday life?
Chronic loneliness is linked to physical issues like high blood pressure, sleep problems, reduced immunity, decreased appetite, etc. It destroys your confidence, self-worth, and ability to focus. Eventually, you become a depressed person with lots of health issues.
And if chronic loneliness left unchecked, it can put your health in real danger causing depression, insomnia, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, mental health problems, alcoholism, and so on.
This Is How You Can Kill Loneliness
First thing, first. Admit that you’re lonely, and it’s just a feeling. Of course, you can deal with it. But, how? Read the following carefully, and you’ll have all that you need to know.
Reconnect with your parents and family
Sounds boring? Hey, remember — a family is a family — no matter what. Talk to them with real interest.
Maybe you talk to them frequently, but your conversation goes like — how are you, dad? — fine, son, how are you doing? — I’m fine too, thanks — the end.
Improve the quality of your conversation by showing genuine interest in them, and they will also feel interested in your life in return.
Reconnecting with your parents and family can change your life. Trust me, when you know that some people care about you, the lonely feeling automatically disappears.
Make friends, Revive old friendship
Isn’t it great to have someone to talk to when you feel low?
Maybe after college or after getting married, you never had a chance to hang out or talk to your childhood friends. Maybe their faces are slowly fading away from your memory. Why not revive old friendships?
When you’ll talk or meet them again, there will be the joy you can't imagine. Let’s revive one or more lost friendships.
If not interested, then make some new friends.
You can turn your colleague, neighbor, or social media ‘friend’ into a real friend by just showing interest in their lives and sharing your thoughts.
Start work-out
To be honest, I’m a lazy person. I work out one day and take a rest a minimum of three days. But I can’t stress enough the benefit of daily work-out or exercise. This is a powerful loneliness killer.
Don’t you believe me? Start working out regularly, you’ll see the result. It will keep you engaged, build your body, and boost your mind. Loneliness will search for doors to exit.
Volunteer in community works
Get involved in community works or events. You can volunteer in many ways — participating in a blood donation camp, helping to build an animal center, cleaning the trash with community workers, collecting funds for the deprived people, and so on.
Your will to contribute — is all that matters. Get engaged with other people and reward yourself with fun, joy, and excitement. Say, goodbye to lonely self.
Try a new hobby
It may sound like a cliche but trying a new hobby is an extremely effective way to confront loneliness.
Try a new hobby. Try a new hobby. I know I’m repeating myself. But please, try a new hobby. Why? Because you never know what you are going to learn.
It’s always exciting to go for something new, something you don’t know. Maybe you have a hobby of reading books, but what will happen if you try a new hobby like origami?
Never limit your life to mundane things. Try something new. Try something exciting.
Adopt a pet
Oh, I love this one. Having a pet is a great experience.
In my university days, I had two Budgerigar (parakeet). I used to spend time taking good care of them. They were so close to me. I loved watching them play with food and water.
You can adopt a cat, a puppy, or a few chickens as your pet. You’ll be more compassionate and friendly as an individual if you have a pet.
Travel far away
Leave this monotonous place for a few days. Travel far away. You may join a tour group if afraid of solo traveling. Traveling to a new place and diving into a new culture may change people’s perspectives on life.
Sometimes, it’s necessary to leave your known world for getting a broader view of life. You’ll see people full of problems and prospects. No one is living a heavenly life on earth — everyone has their own hell.
So, pack your bag, make a checklist, and start traveling.
Let me tell you the names of two of my favorite travelers. One is Rolf Potts, the author of Vagabonding. Another one is Matt Kepnes, the author of Ten Years A Nomad.
Set a deadline and finish the project
Have you seen the video where Nas Daily said, A strict deadline can change your life? He is absolutely right. A strict deadline stops procrastination. It knocks on your mind time and again saying —keep going, finish your project.
Your project can be learning culinary, writing fiction, taking an acting course, starting a website, or anything else. But, if you don’t set a STRICT DEADLINE, you are never going to finish it. That’s why setting a strict deadline is crucial.
I know you are wondering how it’s going to kill loneliness? Well, if you have a strict deadline for a project, do you think you have time for loneliness?
Limit social media usage
I stopped using social media (Facebook and Instagram) for almost eight months. Now, I use social media platforms only to share my writings, nothing else. Because you know what happens there. People act like crazy on social media platforms. They always exhibit what they are not.
Hey look, I’m having fun with friends, dining in an expensive restaurant, click, click, click. Hey, look, I’m so hot and sexy in this selfie, click, click, click.
To be honest, I don’t want people’s everyday shits floating on my newsfeed. If I need someone to get attached to, I will call that person using my phone. Though you may consider social media platforms as an epitome of social connectivity, I refuse to purchase this continuous disturbance.
For the last eight months, I did lots of things — wrote a few short stories for my next book, watched some great TV series, read many books, took a few online courses, spent more time with my family, etc.
Don’t be a victim of FOMO. It kills you developing the feeling of loneliness in you. If possible, deactivate your social media platforms. If not, then, limit your browsing time. Use social media platforms if they add value to your life.
Believe in yourself. You don’t need thousands of followers — to fight loneliness. Just one good friend or a few good habits is more than enough.
Reconnect with nature
Have I told you how I felt while river rafting in Manali, India in 2017?
That was a thrill. I felt a deep connection with nature while struggling to keep balance on the boat. The water was extremely cold, and the waves were monstrous. But, it was one of the best things that happened to me. I would love to have this experience again.
If you have any confusion about what nature can do to you, take a chance. Spend time with nature. Go on a hike, climb a mountain, spend a night in a small tent under an open sky, drink water from a natural spring, enjoy a sunset on the seaside.
I can assure you — you’ll feel connected. Nature will remove your distress.
You can read good books, watch good movies, join a theatre, start reciting poetry. I can go on and on, but let’s stop here.
I request you to expect the best of life and always have curiosity inside. Kill your loneliness, don’t let it kill you.
If nothing works, consult a doctor
Maybe you think too much. Maybe you cannot stand any change in your life. And, sometimes it happens. Nothing really works — no matter how you try.
If that is the case, then, please, consult a professional doctor and follow what he prescribes.
Do you need more?
Seriously? Okay, fine. This is the last one — last but not least.
Read my article regularly. You know, it helps.
Don’t be serious, I’m kidding!
Live Your Life. Be Your Own Guide. Don’t Allow Loneliness to Interfere.
Thank you for reading.
If you want to read more of my writings, you may read the following articles.