avatarColleen Sheehy Orme

Summary

The author expresses frustration and a sense of injustice in response to her ex-husband's suggestion that she should move on, considering the emotional, financial, and physical toll his actions have taken on her throughout their divorce.

Abstract

In a poignant and emotionally charged narrative, the author describes the exasperation she feels when her ex-husband tells her to move on from their divorce. She reflects on her own efforts to progress and heal, despite her ex-husband's destructive behavior and broken promises. The author highlights her proactive steps in the face of adversity, such as attending marriage counseling alone, addressing her ex-husband's drinking problem, and pushing for separation and divorce. She contrasts her constructive actions with his attempts to control and manipulate the situation, including financial abuse and emotional blackmail. The article concludes with the author acknowledging her ex-husband's discomfort with her truthful writing about their divorce, which exposes his lies and reveals his true intentions.

Opinions

  • The author believes her ex-husband's comment to "move on" is not only gaslighting but also a denial of reality, considering his own failure to initiate divorce proceedings or change his behavior.
  • She is resentful of the financial and emotional hardships she has endured due to her ex-husband's actions, which she details as part of her internal monologue.
  • The author feels that her ex-husband's real issue is not with her inability to move on, but rather with her public sharing of their divorce journey, which she does with accuracy and integrity.
  • She perceives her ex-husband's desire for her to move on as a way to avoid confronting the consequences of his own actions and the truth about his behavior during their marriage.
  • The author implies that her ex-husband's sense of victory is misplaced, as he has lost meaningful connections and has been left with only material possessions, which she suggests is a hollow triumph.
  • She acknowledges that her writing serves as a form of closure and empowerment for herself, while it challenges her ex-husband's narrative and control over the situation.

When My Ex-Husband Says This

It makes me furious

Photo by Edmond Dantès: On Pexels

“You need to move on,” says my ex-husband.

His comment is beyond gaslighting. It’s clinically absurd. It’s non-reality based. It’s delusional. This isn’t the first time he’s uttered these words. I don’t react or respond to him.

I internally shout my emotionally exhausted protest.

“Move on??!!” You’ve got to be kidding me,” I say to myself.

Then starts my furious silent diatribe.

“I AM the ONE who kept moving on. I was inching forward every time you yanked me backward. I continued in marriage counseling when you refused to go back. I talked about my feelings while you drank and took yours out on your family. I begged you to either address what was bothering you or stop drinking. I made you move out several times. You are the one who convinced me you would stop behaving badly and go back to counseling and you didn’t. I was the one who pushed for a true separation and once you knew I was serious you wouldn’t move out of the house for nearly two years. You were the one at month eleven who said if I didn’t let you back home you wouldn’t send our oldest son to college. I am the one who initiated the divorce. You are the one who wouldn’t hire a lawyer or divorce me for five long excruciatingly abusive years. You are the one who was in immediate contempt as soon as the divorce was finalized.”

I feel better now.

A conversation with one is better than a war with two.

Wait….I don’t feel completely satisfied.

“You want me to move on??!! You didn’t divorce me you wanted to destroy me. You left me with nothing. I have zero financial security and ruined credit. It’s a little harder to move on when you are completely wiped out emotionally, financially, and physically. And yet, I do continue forward despite your determination to take me down.”

Okay, I think I’m done.

You aren’t worth the frustration and I won’t indulge your lack of reality.

Besides, I know what you really mean. You want me to stop writing about a long abusive divorce journey. You don’t challenge me on it though. Because you know I write with accuracy.

Confronting my words means exposing your lies and your truth.

And after all, you got what you really wanted. You were in control and you stole all of our money. That’s the other reason sharing my vulnerabilities with the world doesn’t bother you.

It’s a slight nuisance.

Not an overt consequence to you.

You smugly believe you won when you lost everything that matters.

But isn’t that why YOU couldn’t move on?

And let me go, to begin with.

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Women
Relationships
Love
Abuse
Mental Health
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