What Is the Relationship Between Sexual Experience and Marital Happiness?
Study finds correlation between relationship satisfaction and body count
Whether we’re having one-night stands or making long-term connections, sex is obviously part of how we relate to each other in relationships — even the brief ones. However, if people aspire to get married, can their sexual activities today impact the happiness they experience in their union tomorrow?
A report by Brigham Young University’s Wheatley Institute suggests that they can.
“It appears that sexual exclusivity between spouses provides an underappreciated foundation for the intimacies of marriage….” — Brian J. Willoughby, Ph.D.
Researchers looked at data from multiple studies, and also conducted their own survey, to determine the relationship satisfaction of 3,750 people who reported being committed to their current partner. They found that, although conventional dating wisdom tells us it’s good to explore our sexuality as much as possible before settling down — and to especially test the chemistry with a partner before committing to them — this behavior doesn’t necessarily bode well for people’s current relationship.
In fact, researchers found that those who were sexually inexperienced when they got married were more likely to be satisfied with their relationship than their more experienced counterparts. These couples not only were happier with their spouse, they also were less likely to even consider getting divorced, and the majority of them (80 percent) had the highest levels of emotional closeness. Additionally, these couples were about 45 percent more likely to report feeling that their marriage was emotionally stable.
“It is likely that these individuals were able to improve their trajectory by changing their mindset about sex, approaching marriage with enduring commitment….” — Jason S. Carroll, Ph.D.
On the other hand, the researchers found that the more sexual partners people had, the less likely they were to experience this same emotional stability in their marriage. Only 25 percent of people who had sex with five to nine partners said their relationship was emotionally stable, and this dropped down to 14 percent for those who had ten or more sexual partners.
“Our study confirms what other national studies have been finding the last few years, that sexually inexperienced dating couples are two to three times more likely to be in a highly-stable marriage,” said researcher Brian J. Willoughby, Ph.D. “It appears that sexual exclusivity between spouses provides an underappreciated foundation for the intimacies of marriage and helps spouses create a mutually-satisfying relationship founded on emotional intimacy and healthy communication.”
Does that mean your marriage will be doomed the more sexual partners you have before getting hitched? Are you automatically headed straight to divorce court because of your previous sexual exploration?
Absolutely not, says researcher Jason S. Carroll, Ph.D.
“While this study provides some stark cautions about myths in our modern dating culture, it also provides some hope for individuals who may regret their previous sexual decision making and would like to change the course of their future marriage outcomes,” Carroll explains. “Even with the noted risks, we found that about 10 to 15 percent of individuals with high sexual experience during their dating years are still doing quite well in their marriages. It is likely that these individuals were able to improve their trajectory by changing their mindset about sex, approaching marriage with enduring commitment, and embracing fidelity by avoiding alternative-seeking behaviors after marriage.”
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Source:
Wheatley Institute report: sexual restraint during dating years linked to strong marriages. Brigham Young University. https://news.byu.edu/character/wheatley-institute-report-sexual-restraint-during-dating-years-linked-to-strong-marriages
