What Does Your Favorite Music Say About Your Relationships?
Your playlist may reveal your attachment style
What type of music is on your playlist? And what songs do you tend to sing because you love the lyrics?
You may think a song is just a song, but it may actually be a window into how you really feel about relationships. In fact, according to a study in Personal Relationships, researchers Ravin Alaei, Geoff Macdonald, and Nicholas Rule found that the lyrics we like most may actually be a reflection of our attachment styles and how we behave in relationships.
“Lyrics matter, so pay attention to them,” Alaei explained. “The lyrics of your favorite songs about relationships may help validate your thoughts and feelings, but may also reveal things about your experiences of relationships that you might not have realized — something that you’re going through repeatedly, that you keep coming up against.”
“At some point, you may find it more productive to listen to music that provides a sense of security.”
During the study, researchers asked 570 people what their favorite tunes are and used the lyrics of the 7,000 songs mentioned to determine the attachment style being depicted. They found a correlation between the attachment style of study participants and the style represented by the lyrics they enjoyed. This was particularly true of people who have an avoidant attachment style, which is when someone expects negative relationship experiences so they protect themselves by avoiding deep emotions and intimacy.
“We consistently found that avoidantly attached people prefer music with avoidant lyrics,” Alaei said.
But the people in the study were not alone in their love of avoidant music. The group also analyzed the lyrics of 800 songs that topped the Billboard charts between 1946 to 2015, and found that songwriters are making music that has become increasingly avoidant over the years. According to Alaei, this trend is actually in line with what researchers have observed in society overall.
“Popular music lyrics are running parallel to sociological trends of social disconnection — people valuing independence over reliance on others, and feeling more isolated,” said Alaei.
“Lyrics matter, so pay attention to them.”
As a result, it may make sense for people to carefully consider the lyrics of the music they enjoy and perhaps change their playlist if their favorites reinforce bad relationship habits.
“Listen to the song a few times to help you process what you’re going through and express your thoughts and feelings,” Alaei said. “You can decide whether listening to songs that reflect your experiences back at you is either helping you or reinforcing destructive behaviors for yourself. At some point, you may find it more productive to listen to music that provides a sense of security.”
More from Kiki Wellington:
Source:
Your favorite songs reveal your attachment style: New psychology research. EurekAlert. https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/970992