SELF-IMPROVEMENT
Today I Learned I Like Me
Day 6, 50 questions for deep self-reflection
This is day 6 of the 50 Questions for Deep Self-Reflection challenge from Know Thyself Heal Thyself created by Diana C.
DAY SIX: How can you befriend solitude and learn to self soothe through moments of loneliness?
Now, this is an interesting one because I feel like there are assumptions in the question that I am instantly rejecting. That is great personal insight. This was the first question I’ve read that made me smile and gave me such a complete sense of calm that I feel like it’s one I can embrace with every part of me. This is not like Day Four, where I felt like I ‘knew the answer’ and therefore recognized I was going to be happily blindsided. It’s not like Day Five where I rejected the premise of the question because I wasn’t energetically at the level where I could tackle it in its fullness. This was more like a feeling of contentment knowing that I have already embraced the premise and therefore, I can reject the assumptions, as they are no longer relevant. And there is power and learning in the recognition of this.
Let me start by explaining what I mean by rejecting the assumptions.
How can you befriend solitude…
Befriend solitude? Oh, we are well beyond friendship. We have an intimate understanding. We’ve been dating for a few years and although they are happy for me to date other states of being, they just give me everything that I need right now.
1st assumption rejection — How can you befriend solitude? This assumes I haven’t already. *fist-bumps solitude*
…and learn to self-soothe through moments of loneliness?
I can’t remember the last time I felt what I would equate to loneliness. I’ve done a lot of work to enjoy my company and now, I truly do. Plus, I am a character-based writer. Only another character-based writer will understand what I’m about to say. I cannot experience loneliness because I have hundreds of characters ready to step in and play with me. I’ve even been writing a series called Character Reflections in which I unpack my personal growth that specific characters have helped me to embrace.
Now, perhaps they are not real, but I’ll never say that — because I’ll feel the attack in my brain. If you are interested in that whole rabbit hole of self-reflection, here’s a link to my first Character Reflection:
But I have felt loneliness, and I remember it. So, I can understand what the question is asking. It is just that in my life, loneliness is not an energy I experience. Between myself, my characters, and my best friend, who I literally converse with every day, there is no time for loneliness. I could look at this from a ‘partner’ perspective as I am a single Pringle. However, even then, if I choose to see being single as equated to loneliness, I’ll only attract someone who sees it the same way. No thanks. The person who comes into my life will enjoy their own company as I do. We won’t ‘need’ each other. We’ll enjoy each other.
2nd assumption rejection — … self soothe through moments of loneliness. This assumes I have said moment.
My space of never lonely solitude
I share all of the above as someone who is in a position where solitude and loneliness have the potential to be unbearably powerful. I am a house and pet sitter. This means that I do not have a permanent place of residence, rather, I stay in other people's houses while they are away and keep their pets company. Living this way for the past three years has given me the space to truly shuck off any fear of solitude and any feeling of loneliness. If all the above wasn’t enough, animals have a natural soulful connection that humans rarely attain in their lifetime. Animals have been my guides to self.
Hypothetically, if I momentarily fell and I found myself experiencing solitude as loneliness (and let’s face it, my humanity is flexible in its resolve and therefore, its ability to still drop into crappy vibrations), I know exactly how I would self-soothe. I’d talk to my characters, or I’d meditate, or both. I’d sit outside, connect to nature, perhaps burn some Palo Santos and get myself grounded. I’d listen. Just listen. And I’d find my way back to me.
Bringing it all together
I like myself. I like my company. That’s what I’m discovering today. This post has been significantly longer than the previous ones, which I feel is interesting given I rejected the assumptions.
It’s nice to know how much I can find value and growth in the positive responses rather than just the negatives. It’s one thing to unpack trauma. To feel uncomfortable and push through. To challenge self to break through blockages and beliefs. I’ve said it before in this series. In our reactions, we find the opportunity to grow.
Today I learned it doesn’t need to be a negative reaction to allow growth. It doesn’t have to be all about the push and the struggle. Today I learned that in the calm enjoyment and the positive reaction, I can still expand and grow.
It makes me think back to yesterday’s question. Perhaps the word ‘conflict’ was a blockage. Perhaps if I changed it to reaction (now that positive reactions can allow growth) I could embrace that question after all.
If you are interested in the journey so far — all the days that came before, I’ve collected all the article links here:
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