SELF-IMPROVEMENT

Release the Beast of Need

Day 4, 50 questions for deep self-reflection

This is day 4 of the 50 Questions for Deep Self-Reflection challenge from Know Thyself Heal Thyself created by Diana C.

DAY FOUR: How can you learn to better communicate your needs instead of expecting others to interpret & respond to your mood?

This is the first day I’ve read the question and thought, oh, I know how to answer that! That thought always concerns me.

The questions that give me pause, force me to stop and consider every word and interpret the meaning, are the ones where I am aware that I don’t know what I don’t know. I have to push at that boundary like a moss-sealed stone door settled with age and stubborn from misuse. I don’t know what’s behind the door and I have to stack my mental weight to pry it open. Only when I edge it a crack can I begin to embrace the knowledge behind it.

But when I read a question and think I know the answer, the door is wide open. There is nothing unknown. And that’s when I know there is a beast lurking in the dark waiting to pounce. In assumption, I can choose to stay in the light and know only what I know, but that’s not my style.

Let’s go find this beast.

We’ll start with the knowledge in the light. I need to be more direct. That seems simple.

Oh, I hear a grumble.

Heeeeeere, beasty puppy. Come play.

Okay, I agree. The way my mind works is a little creepy sometimes, but don’t worry. I’ve done this enough times to know the beast really is just an adorable puppy. It will come at me, vicious, snarling, teeth snapping, but it just wants to be loved.

Heeeeeere, beasty puppy. I have trauma for you to chew on!

Oh, ouch! There he is.

Okay, wow, this played out in the last few days and I’m now just seeing the lesson I needed to get out of it. See what I mean? The room was open, the knowledge was there, I just hadn’t patted the beast yet.

Ok, come on beast puppy. Roll over so I can rub your belly.

So here’s what happened. I was feeling, not as excited as I wanted to feel about a big change in my life. Instead of exploring that, I messaged one of my besties and told him about the ‘potential’ change. His response was, cautious. And then, that fed back into my own doubts. Sigh.

I reached out to him wanting a certain reaction: the excitement I was lacking. Of course, what he reflected back to me wasn’t excitement, but everything I was feeling myself. How could he not?

Man! Good puppy.

So how can I learn to better communicate my needs instead of expecting others to interpret & respond to my mood?

By understanding my own needs.

I guess it was pretty simple after all.

Good beast puppy! Have a trauma cracker.

*scritch, scritch, scritch*

If you are interested in the journey so far — all the days that came before, I’ve collected all the article links here:

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