To Dead Name: Sheena, the Trans Son My Sister Rejects
I wish I knew how to tell you you’re welcome in my part of the family
My sister married a guy who turned out to be a jerk. Like me, he was a veteran. Like me, he pursued a degree after separating from active duty. So not all bad. Also like me, he has his issues. Unlike me, instead of seeking professional help, he decided drugs could mask his pain.
He doesn’t have a great track holding a job. In fact, his lack of contributing to his family resulted in their house being foreclosed on. Though physically present, he was for all intents and purposes absent; my sister had to earn the money, cook, clean, do yard work, and even clean the sofa cushions after he pissed on them in his sleep. A useless, worthless leech who basically sucked the life out of her.
In spite of her misgivings, she had a child with this jerk. As the child grew, the rest of our family recognized they were intelligent and full of potential. Unlike their female cousins, the older “Sheena” (not their real name) grew, the less they appreciated frills and lace, and the more they preferred jeans and t-shirts. Though an avid reader, they tended to not verbalize much around the extended family, and we had an increasingly difficult time feeling we really knew them. My sister told me that during their elementary and middle school years, Sheena said, in response to comments regarding their father, they didn’t want to ever marry a man. They did not see the most influential adult male in their life as a supporter and protector, only as a drain.
During high school , Sheena avoided social media, but found online chat rooms that catered to their interests and concerns. They met another teen online and began a long-distance relationship. During college, they flew out west to meet their love interest several times. My sister and her cancerous growth of a husband forbade her to go, but since teens and young adults don’t really appreciate parents intervening in such things, they went anyway.
I wish I could have contact with Sheena, but my sister does not approve of her child’s “choice” to be transgender, of her choice of a mate, or of my supportive attitude. Because “Sheena” is not on social media, and because I have ideas that do not affirm my sister’s ideas, I have lost all contact with them.
I asked my sister for an email address or phone number, but she’s never complied. I even asked another of my siblings, but they don’t have anything either. So as Sheena has forged ahead through college as a transgender person, they has done so in a very alone and lonely way. I hope one day I can see them again and tell them I was supportive, even if it’s too late to really matter. I just want them to know someone in the family believes they aren’t wrong or shameful, and that they are welcome in our family.
I don’t know how that will ever happen.
This story is a response to the Prism & Pen writing prompt, Let’s Show Some Transgender Love.