The GOP: Repressed Kinkers Who Just Want to Be Free to Melt Their Butter Like the Rest of Us

The US citizenry has developed some rather strange characteristics and habits over the years, but you might have already noticed, I suppose. We’ve done Pet Rocks, Cabbage Patch dolls, hula hoops, bell bottom jeans, The Twist and the list goes on and on because we do some crazy shit. A lot of the stranger characteristics and habits seem to be expressed most often by the far-right-of-center public representatives. There is, for example, an enormous right wing push to subjugate women under complete control by the state. Which would, of course, give any man control over any woman. This is not a rumor. This is what the current Speaker of the House of Representatives claims to believe and appears to be committed to bringing to reality. MagaMike is quite open about his belief that the church should control the State, not the other way around. Now that’s a scary ride, especially if you’re of child-bearing age.

That has all been tried before, of course. You may remember why the religious moniker of Protestant came about. While we’re on the subject, the reason the pilgrims set sail for Boston wasn’t for the chowder. They had found the intrusion of the state church into their affairs to be intolerable. But MagaMike is going on beyond what the English State religion demanded. Mike wants to be as oppressive as the Salem elders. They thought that religious freedom meant religious freedom for men. Women who practiced religious freedom were dunked in a pond until they “confessed” or drowned. In some accounts, the women were not proven innocent until they were drowned. That seems pretty bad, huh? Well! Let me tell you. MagaMike wants to essentially make women slaves of the state. The Maga Johnson wants women to bear children to take up the jobs that immigrants now do. That’s why the Johnson wants to close the border.

I know it’s none of my business, really, but I do think that maybe Mrs. Johnson should not worry about gay people so much and go ahead and explore her kinky impulses so Mr. Johnson can experience his kinky impulses to see women prostrate before him. You don’t know, Mrs. Johnson, you might enjoy that more than you think. Besides, better you enjoy it than all the other women in the country feeling that your husband is a bit weird. Creepy, even. If it melts your butter you should at least give it a go, don’t you think?

Of course, none of this may matter by the time you read this. There is a rumor that sweet little ole blond-haired divorcee from Georgia is going to demand that the Speakership be put to the vote because she wasn’t able to get what her second favorite 45 wanted, which was to close down the government. That would be to somehow get even with Dark Brandon and thereby prevent him from being reelected. Besides, Peachy can’t play MagaMike like she could Kissing Kevin. Mikey’s wife keeps the boy on a pretty short chain. Why do you think she is so interested in gay conversion?

The problem of MagaMike pushing to subjugate women for the glory of the state/church is that he wants to accomplish this rather unpopular idea in the premier Democratic institution in the world. The United States House of Representatives. There is still a more inclusive yet related problem within that August body. That problem is a small band of folks whose mantra is “you can’t make me.” For some unfathomable reason, they call themselves the Freedom Caucus. This collection of folk defines agreement as “you give me what I want, or, you agree with me.” “I agree with you that what I want is the only thing that you can agree with or I’ll destroy everything I can get my hands on.” You’d think the Freedom Caucus was going through a permanent divorce with a vengeful ex.

There’s just a handful of hard heads in this Congress who never got good marks on that “plays well with others” notation on their report cards. For some reason, that group of folks go all out to have whatever they think will fill their GOP purity punchcard. Party unity is certainly important to functional legislation. It’s an important part of the process. But no one in Congress is really defending Sparta at Thermopylae. If they think they are, they’re cosplaying out of their league. Of course, the Georgia Peach and her co-psychotic, The Aisle Seat Vaper, may like changing the Congressional dress decorum to that of a Spartan Warrior. It might take some of the pressure off Hunter, though.

And what’s with these proclamations of manly manliness? Are the displays appropriate for rutting elk or silverback gorillas good form for legislative function? Why is it that the five minute time allotments given to hearing inquisitors seem more like elongated TikTok videos about the dance moves of the moment? The more outrageous the move, the more notoriety and likes the performer will get. Robert Kennedy Jr. read how he hoped his strap-on would fit his favorite dildo into the Congressional record. Does anyone think that was for legislative purposes? Or could we agree that he was trying to gin-up attention for his, I guess you could call it, his presidential run. He might have been trying to do a 45, too. You know, say something outrageous then grift off of it. Man has to do what a man has to do to run for President, after all.

In short, it has become nearly a statement of faith for the far-right contingent to earn their bones by lying to the public as convincingly as possible. It doesn’t seem to matter if what they say is not true, no matter what the consequences, as long as they can convince some segment of the voting public that they represent them in their particular perverse kink. Don’t think that I’m anti-kink here. That just ain’t the case. As far as I know, everyone has their very own kinky thoughts and fantasies. That seems to be downright normal. Not only is it normal, everyone has the right to enjoy their kink as long as it does not encroach on someone else’s kink.

To say this more succinctly, MagaMike and the Theocrats can be as homophobic as they wish. They might even be that way due to their own desires to see dick pics, who knows? There is no proof one way or another, but The Georgia Peach has kind of sealed the deal on what she wants. Aisle Seat Vaper advertised what she wants. Matt the E.D. Crusher has made it clear what he wants. Maga Johnson has also made it clear what he wants. Wouldn’t it be way easier for some of you repressed kinkers to forget about what other people do in their bedrooms? If you’re jealous of what they do then you can do it yourself or you can just admit that you’re not as athletic as those figures carved on certain Indian Temples and applaud those who put in that much effort. Look, what if the reason those figures are on those temples is to tell the populace of the time this is how it’s done. Everyone does some or all of these things. No, please go home and convince your old lady she loves you. This might be a message coming down through the mists of time to today’s Far Right of Center aficionados. Ain’t nothing new and whatever melts your butter is right up here on the temple wall. It’s shit humans do. Look, it just ain’t illegal, it’s normal. So chill, dudes and dudettes.

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