Straight Parents Teach Queer Kid Loving Defiance and Family
Lucas and Josh think about love and subversion
“I don’t wanna disappear like Mateo!” said Lucas. “Not have anybody even know if I’m OK. I’m scared!”
“Martina,” whispered Olivia. “Her name is Martina.”
Josh scratched at imaginary fire ants crawling up his arms. Martina used to sit right on this bed with him and Dustin and Olivia, back when they still called her Mateo.
“Not even my dad can find out where she is!” Josh explained to his new friend. “He called Martina’s dad after she got out of the hospital, but he wouldn’t say anything except for me and Dustin to stay away from his son because we made her trans.”
Then we never saw her again!” said Olivia. “Like anywhere.”
“I think I know where he is,” said Lucas in a voice so low Josh had to bend down to hear. “I mean she. She’s in one of those … places. Those church places.”
“Ugh,” said Josh. “My parents used to make me go to church with my grandma, because church is good for kids or whatever. Then Dad got real mad when he found out what they were saying about gay people like me and Dust.”
Olivia threw Josh one those looks that meant stop talking about yourself and start listening. “Why?” she asked Lucas. “Why do think she’s in a church place? What kind of place?”
“It’s just … we go to the same church as them. And they all still go! Just Martina’s never with them anymore, and the church people say how you can send kids to this place where they can get their life right. Get straightened out.”
“Oh my God!” said Josh. “Like that conversion therapy stuff? Brutal!”
“But would her parents really do that?” said Olivia. “I mean, Martina tried to kill herself and it almost worked. Maybe they’re just getting her help?”
“Maybe,” said Lucas, doubt dripping out of his mouth. “But I’m still scared.”
“She’s a tough kid,” said Josh. “She’ll be OK.”
“No, I mean I’m scared for me,” said Lucas.
“Huh?”
“My dad. He told me he might send me there!”
After lunch, Olivia and Lucas jumped in the pool. “I’m gonna go find more sunscreen,” Josh yelled, then went to find his mom. “I gotta talk to you,” he said, walking into her office where she was frowning at her computer screen.
“Sweety, can it wait?” she said, pressing a key and turning around. “I just muted my meeting, but I only have a second.”
“Can Lucas stay over?”
“Josh, no, we talked about this.”
“Mom, stop. Lucas isn’t my boyfriend! Just because Dustin went to his grandma’s for two weeks doesn’t mean … geez. Trust me, OK? This is SUPER important. I’ll explain when you’re not busy.”
His mom’s face got hard like it did when she meant to get stubborn, then her eyes met Josh’s and they talked to each other without words.
She sighed. “OK, sweety. Have his mom or dad call me?”
“Thanks, Mom!” Josh started to run back out to the pool but stopped himself halfway through the door. He walked back and kissed his mom on the cheek just as she turned back to her Zoom call.
“Do you think I’m OK looking?” asked Lucas as he pulled on the sleeping shorts and tee-shirt his mom brought over after dinner with his toothbrush.
Josh lay back on the sleeping bag he’d unrolled on the floor and thought about how to answer. He’d hung out with Olivia and Lucas around the pool all day and never really looked at Lucas … like that.
He looked him up and down and said the first thing that popped into his head. “You’re cute!”
“Yeah, right. Nobody else thinks so.”
“You are! I mean, you got pretty eyes, shiny hair, a cute nose.” He felt his face get hot and hurried to explain himself. “I’m not sayin’ … I mean … I like Dustin for a boyfriend, how he’s taller and has muscles and everything? How he’s good at sports and kids are afraid to fuck with him? Dustin’s hot, you’re cute.”
“Yeah,” sighed Lucas, plopping down on the bed and rolling over on one elbow.
Josh looked up at him. “But cute is good! You and Olivia are both super cute. And Dustin says I am, so… yay for cute!”
“But you do sports too, and you have so many friends … and don’t take this the wrong way, but you … you’re hot too. Dustin hot. Tough kid hot. I’da been afraid to talk to you if Olivia didn’t keep making me.”
Josh laughed. “Me? Seriously? I mostly sit on the bench and the only reason kids don’t mess with me is they’re afraid Dustin would mess with them back, and I only play because he does.”
Josh almost stopped right there, but Lucas was looking so sad he swallowed hard and finished the embarrassing part he’d meant to keep private. “And, besides … I’d rather be cute, you know? I like feeling cute. Is that weird?”
“You’re asking ME about weird?” laughed Lucas. “I talk like a girl even when I don’t mean to and it gets me picked on. I don’t feel like a boy, and I don’t even want to be a boy, like what’s so special about being a boy?”
“You mean you’re trans? Cool!”
“I don’t know! I don’t really feel like a girl either. What difference does it make?”
“Oh,” said Josh, not knowing what he was supposed to think.
“But, dude,” said Lucas in a voice that went suddenly high and then broke. “It is NOT cool. You have no idea how not cool it is to be me.” He sat up and put his head in his hands. “I just want people to leave me alone!”
Josh got off the sleeping bag and climbed up on the bed. He put an arm around Lucas, whose body stiffened, like maybe he was trying not to cry. Josh didn’t talk. Just sat there. Wanting to be close.
“Know what’s crazy?” Lucas finally said, the words muffled by his hands.
“What?”
“You live close enough I can ride my bike over. We go to the same school with the same teachers. But we live in two different worlds! Some days? I forget to be sad, then I peek into your world and see what I’m missing and I almost can’t stand it.”
Josh pulled Lucas in as close as he could. “What are you missing? What can I give you that you don’t have? Cause I will!”
“You can’t give me the things you have. Your parents? They found out you were gay, they threw you a party! Your best friend runs the GSA club. Mr. Grant and his husband come to your house like normal people and hang out. Your biggest problem is will your mom let your boyfriend spend the night with you!”
“Hey!” said Josh. Then he stopped and thought for a while. “They didn’t throw me a party,” he stuttered, defensive.
“You know what I mean!” snapped Lucas, eyes flashing. Then he sighed and hugged Josh back for the first time since he’d put an arm around him. “It’s OK, dude. I’m not dissing you. I WISH I had your problems.”
“Are you really afraid of your dad?”
“That he might send me to that place? Yeah! I have no idea if he really would, but that’s the scariest part.”
“What about other stuff? Does he …”
“Hit me? No. He doesn’t even yell. He just tells me stuff like I have to man up or get tough and it’s all for my own good or whatever. Josh, he doesn’t LIKE me. Him and Mom want to FIX me. He wishes I wasn’t his son, you can tell. It’s bad enough I don’t have any friends, but if your own parents don’t even LIKE you?”
“You do have friends! Me and Olivia and everybody else at GSA, and Dust of course whenever he gets back.”
“I can’t GO to GSA! My dad would get a note and he’d KILL me. I didn’t even go to your pool party with the GSA kids, remember?”
“How come? My parents don’t send out notes. Duh.”
“Because Olivia told me about the decorations! Good thing, because my mom would have brought me and seen all those rainbows and stuff and told my dad and then holy shit! Two worlds, man! I wish I lived in your world, but I don’t.”
Lucas choked up as he finished the sentence. His words hit Josh so hard he could barely think. Instead of talking, he pulled Lucas in and rocked him. After a few minutes he felt his shoulder getting wet.
Then he heard a knock on the door. Lucas tried to jerk away, but Josh held on tight. “Who is it?”
His mom answered. “Can I come in, boys?”
“I don’t care.”
He watched her eyes pop open huge as she opened the door. “Josh, sweety? Are you crying? What’s the matter?”
“Am I?” he asked. “I thought Lucas was crying.” Or that’s what he meant to say. The words came out all garbled.
“I’m really sorry, Caroline,” sniffed Lucas, pulling away. “It’s all my fault.”
“Wow,” said Josh’s dad as he popped another chocolate chip cookie in his mouth and passed the plate around. “I’m glad you guys came to us. I feel slightly useful for a change.”
“Huh?” said Josh, sitting up straighter at the breakfast bar where they’d all huddled after Josh’s mom found the boys crying.
His dad finished his thought as he chewed. “I don’t know what it’s like to be gay or trans or queer or anything, so I mostly keep my mouth shut and listen to Roger and Ken … and Olivia, of course.”
He waggled his eyebrows at the last past, which cracked Josh up. He laughed out loud remembering the times Olivia had cornered his dad and talked his ear off. Even Lucas laughed.
“But now? I’ve got needed skills. I actually know what it’s like to be a parent to a 14 year old.”
He ruffled Josh’s hair and gestured over at Josh’s mom. “We both do.” Then he looked straight at Lucas. “And we can help.”
“You gonna talk to Lucas’s parents, Dad? Wow!”
“Nope, that’s exactly what I’m NOT gonna do. Listen up, fellas. First things first. Lucas, maybe you’re correct that your parents don’t like things about you. I’m sorry about that, it has to hurt a lot. But one thing you can bet on is they love you. OK?”
Lucas nodded through eyes so narrow they wrinkled his forehead.
“How can you know that, Dad?” asked Josh. “You only saw his mom for 20 minutes tonight, and you never met his dad at all.”
“Do I ask how you know you’re gay?”
“Dad!”
“Sorry, bad joke. But for real, parenting is something I know. From me and your mom and all the other parents in our lives.” He looked straight at Lucas. “Obviously, buddy, there are exceptions, but most parents love their kids so much it hurts. Can you trust me on that for now?”
Lucas nodded again. “I believe you, but that doesn’t mean they won’t send me to that place where Martina is.”
“Then don’t give them reason to, honey,” said Josh’s mom.
“You live in their world most of the time,” said Josh’s dad. “Nobody can do anything about that at the moment.”
“So, you play by their rules,” his mom said. “You don’t have to believe any of it. You just have to stay quiet and not argue. And when things get too hard to take? You come over here. Or you go to Olivia’s.”
“That’s right,” said Josh’s dad. “Our world is right here waiting for you. Whenever you need it.”
“Even to spend the night?” asked Josh.
“Of course,” said his mom. “And one more thing. No more GSA parties!”
“What!?” said Josh. “Mom!”
His dad chuckled then picked up his phone and pretended to talk on it. “Of course not, Mr. Peterson. The kids asked me once about having that kind of party and I told them absolutely not. Not under my roof. This is just a handful of Josh’s friends getting together to swim and eat my famous barbeque. Lucas will have fun, and I’ll be here to make sure no drinking or other funny business goes on.”
He put the phone down and waggled a finger at Josh. “Absolutely not, young man. You hear me? No GSA parties!” Then he winked.
Lucas laughed and Josh whistled. “Dad, that’s devious. Damn!”
“Told ya I could help.” Then he waggled his eyebrows again. “But I’m not kidding about no drinking!”
“Lucas, listen to me carefully,” said Josh’s mom. “I don’t want you to think this is about how to disobey your parents. I want you to think about how family are the people you can always go to when you’re hurting. If your parents can’t be that right now …”
“Like how Ken and Mr. Grant say we queer people create our own families?” asked Josh.
“Exactly, ” said his dad. “Lucas, listen to me. Josh, Caroline and I are here for you whenever you need us. WHENEVER. Right, guys?”
“I wish we had been for Martina,” whispered Josh. “Before she … you know.”
His mom grabbed him in a hug so tight he felt like he couldn’t breathe. After a second, he realized she had Lucas in her arms too.
Want to read more about Josh, Dustin, Olivia, Martina, and their friends? Check out these stories, which you don’t have to read in order, though you might like to:
This story is a response the Prism & Pen writing prompt, May I Present My Queer Family.
Other stories so far →
James Finn is a columnist for the LA Blade, a former Air Force intelligence analyst, an alumnus of Queer Nation and Act Up NY, and an “agented” but unpublished novelist. Send questions, comments, and story ideas to [email protected].
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