Gay Kid Struggles with Love, Gatekeeping, and Cringy Parents
Josh and Dustin learn Olivia might be more than just bossy
“Who made you the boss!?” shouted Josh, jumping up and brushing sand off his legs. He didn’t mean too, but some of it flew into Olivia’s eyes.
She sat up on their shared rainbow beach towel and rubbed redness into watery eyelids with her knuckles. “Nobody made me boss! What’s your problem!?”
Dustin pulled Josh back down and whispered into his ear, “Chill, boyfriend. She’s just being Olivia.”
She squinted into Josh’s eyes through fierce Florida sun and opened her mouth to yell again. Dustin reached out with gentle fingers, stroking her bare shoulder to melt tension out of her body.
She waited a second, then spoke calmly under the screams of gulls swooping low for lunch crumbs. “What did I say to make you mad, Josh? If I did something wrong, I’m sorry.”
Josh waited too, happy Dustin was always so chill, just one of the reasons he loved him so much. “It’s just,” he finally stuttered. “It just feels like you’re always in charge, but like you’re not even, you know, you’re not even …”
“Gay? So what? I’m trying to keep GSA going during the summer, that’s all. We have one year left before high school, and lots of kids aren’t as lucky as us. GSA is the only place they feel safe or have friends.”
“Martina,” whispered Dustin. “She’s out of the hospital but nobody knows where she is or if she’s OK or anything.”
Thinking about their trans friend and her abusive parents made Josh feel guilty. His shoulders slumped as he let anger at Olivia drain out of his body.
She reached out a hand and and placed it over his. “So what’s wrong with a GSA pool party at your house? Your parents are cool, and you guys have a pool, which me and Dust don’t. So like, duh? Am I right?”
Josh winced at Olivia’s casual use of his private nickname for his boyfriend, but he pretended not to care. He smiled his best smile, even if it was a little fake. “It’s not that. It’s a good idea. I’m sorry I got mad, but …”
“But what?” prompted Dustin. “It’s just us three here. We can talk about it.”
Josh drew in a deep breath. “OK, so … Olivia is always in charge at GSA. I mean, I guess somebody has to be since Mr. Grant tries not to really talk, but … look, at least he’s gay and understands. Like me and you are, Dust … and Julien is trans, and Sherry is … I dunno exactly what nonbinary means, but …”
“I’m not in charge!” snapped Olivia. “I just bring cupcakes and find books for us to read and print out articles from GLSEN and other stuff. Since Mr. Grant really can’t … And I know what nonbinary means, unlike some people!”
“But why?” asked Josh. “If you’re not even queer? I don’t get it. I mean, sometimes I feel like me and Dust are your project and that’s … kinda cringy … right? Especially since you used to, you know, like me like that?”
Olivia looked away and down at the sand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt like …”
“It’s OK. We love you,” said Dustin, sidling over on the towel and kissing Olivia on the back of the head. “Don’t we, Josh?”
Josh sighed and tried to figure out how to feel. Because he did love Olivia, just not the way he loved Dust. Plus he was still a little mad at her. “Yeah, of course we do. Never mind, I’m all sweaty and scratchy. Who wants to go in the water?”
Josh pulled Dust in close, awed by his special smell, even though it was fighting inside his nose with gasoline and grass trimmings. “I could kiss you forever,” he sighed.
He snaked a hand under Dust’s sweaty tee-shirt, overwhelmed by the feel of basketball-hardened muscles under silky skin. Dust moaned into Josh’s mouth as Josh stood up on tiptoes, trying to press every bit of his body into his boyfriend’s slightly taller one. “I love you so much!”
The squeak of the auto garage door opener launched both boys into the air. “You guys in here?” called out Josh’s mom a little louder than she needed to.
“Just putting more gas in the mower,” Josh answered, then mumbled so only Dustin could hear, “Like she didn’t know that!”
“Don’t worry, Caroline,” said Dustin. “We’re gonna get everything super sharp for the party Saturday. We’re on it like grits on eggs, ma’am.”
She put her hands on her hips and looked skeptical before breaking out laughing. “You can turn off the charm, mister,” she said. “I already like you, and the eggs go on TOP of the grits, which you’d know if your folks weren’t damn Yankees.”
“Mom!”
“Caroline laughed again. “No offense, I married a Yankee so I won’t hold it against your boyfriend.”
Josh felt his face catch fire. He couldn’t get used to his mom talking about Dustin like that!
“Anyhoo,” she said, then turned on a strong southern accent she only used when she was in a super good mood. “I need you handsome gentlemen to step it up so y’all have time to shower and dress for dinner.”
“Um, whatever?” said Josh. “We’re ready whenever the food’s on the table?”
“We’re having special guests tonight, and you boys don’t smell like baskets of peaches. You’re invited especially, Dustin. You can either run home and get clean clothes or wear some of Josh’s that I bought for him to grow into.”
“Guests? Who!?” asked Josh, reaching for the gas can. “What do you mean, special?”
“Never you mind, it’s a surprise. Now, phone check, please? You won’t be able to use it while the mower’s running, anyway. I’ll give it back as soon as you’re done, sweetie.”
Josh’s body stiffened as he handed over his device for his mom’s weekly inspection. Only Dustin’s hand pushing down on his shoulder kept him from saying something smart that might get him grounded.
As soon as she left, Dustin said, “Weird, she’s never actually invited me to dinner before, just asks IF I’m staying. Anyway, we have time for one more kiss if we hurry.”
Josh melted into Dust’s arms. “If we don’t get some real privacy soon, I’m gonna lose it.”
“Dad, tell us!” Josh whined, sitting stiffly on the sofa in chinos that chafed his slightly sunburned legs. But Dustin looked so cute in the white polo shirt he’d borrowed that Josh almost didn’t mind getting dressed up. “Who’s coming to dinner!?”
“Young man, if you think I would dare ruin your mother’s surprise, you don’t know me as well as I think you do.”
Josh couldn’t help laughing, then the doorbell rang and both boys jumped up.
Dustin was the first to react. “It’s just my parents, Jerry, jeez!”
“They aren’t the surprise,” Caroline laughed, bustling in from the kitchen. “And is that any way to greet guests? Rodney, Nancy, she added in a playful tone, “ignore our rude offspring, please. Margaritas on the lanai for all the adults. Extra strong. Boys, I mixed up a virgin pitcher for y’all, and don’t LET me catch you dipping into the wrong batch, hear?”
She wiped her hands on a dish towel and disappeared as the other adults drifted out of the room.
Josh’s dad looked over his shoulder. “Stay on door duty, fellas?”
“Why the HELL does she always have SEX on her mind?” Josh griped, plopping down beside Dustin.
“Huh?”
“Virgin batch? Drinks for virgins? That is SO embarrassing!”
“Boyfriend, chill. A virgin margarita just doesn’t have tequila in it.”
Josh felt relieved for a second then squinted in suspicion. “Are you sure?”
The doorbell cut off Dustin’s reassurances.
“Mr. Grant!” shouted Dustin as he opened the door. “Oh, my God, this is so cool! You’re the surprise?”
“I don’t know, am I supposed to be?” asked Josh’s former science teacher, the middle school GSA advisor. “I don’t think I’ve ever been a surprise before.” Then he stepped aside and another man walked in. “This is my husband Ken. Remember I introduced you that time at Olive Garden?”
“Wow! No wonder Mom made us dress up. You guys look … so …”
Josh was thinking the two men, who were pretty old but way younger than his parents, looked like they’d stepped out of a cool Instagram page. Stylish shorts, crisp shirts with squiggly little patterns. Fancy leather sandals. Sunglasses. Super tight haircuts.
“Lookin’ pretty sharp yourselves, guys,” said Ken. “Roger’s told me so much about you. Let’s see if I remember. The blond one who smiles all the time is Dustin, and the serious one with reddish brown hair is Josh. Right?”
“He really told you about us?” said Dustin. “And his name is Roger? How did we not know that?”
“Roger Grant is like some rad movie star name, huh?” laughed Mr. Grant. “But I swear it’s my real name!” He headed toward the sofa. “Wanna sit down and talk for awhile before we join your folks out on the lanai?”
“Sure!”
“Wait a minute,” said Josh. “How come you even know they’re out there?”
Ken pulled his phone out of his pocket and waggled his eyebrows. “The shadow knows! And you really are the serious one, aren’t you?”
Dustin plopped down in the wide chair Jerry liked to watch football in and pulled Josh down beside him. He faced the sofa where the two men settled in close. “What’s going on? You better tell us before my very cute but very serious boyfriend raids the wrong margarita pitcher on purpose and gets his ass, um butt, grounded again.”
As Josh watched Mr. Grant and Ken sit so close together, closer than he’d ever seen two grown men sit if they didn’t have to, he felt happy and weird at the same time. They weren’t being cringy like his parents and Dustin’s parents got sometimes when they kissed each other, but he couldn’t figure out how he was supposed to feel.
“OK,” said Mr. Grant. “It’s like this. I’m not allowed to talk to you guys at school. Not with that law they passed. But your folks think you need somebody … not straight … to talk to. And nobody can stop us from being family friends.”
“Besides,” said Ken. “I sell real estate, I don’t work for the doofuses Mr. Science Guy here works for, and this is still sort of a free country. I can talk to anybody I want to.”
“But maybe we should wait for Olivia?” said Mr. Grant.
Ken looked at his phone. “She’ll be here any minute.”
“Are you KIDDING me?” grumbled Josh, loud enough that Dustin kicked him with his knee. “She’s coming to THIS too? Does she have to be in EVERYTHING? She’s not even gay!”
Mr. Grant raised an eyebrow. “You know what? Before she gets here, let’s talk about the word gatekeeping and what it means for us queer people. Want to?”
“And maybe,” added Ken, “we should tell the guys about how I almost married Susan before I met you.”
“Damn!” said Dustin. “You were in the closet like that? That’s messed up.”
“Nope, not closeted at all.” Half a laugh escaped Ken’s mouth with his words. “I know you guys have heard about bisexuality.”
“They sure have,” said Mr. Grant. “Olivia includes it in ALL her presentations. And I mean All. The. Time.” He coughed. “I listen while I’m grading papers, you know.”
“Oh my God, really?” asked Dustin. “Do you mean? But why wouldn’t she just tell us?”
The doorbell rang, and Ken tapped his phone. “Here she is now.”
“We don’t out people,” said Mr. Grant, “even if we think they’re OK with it. Maybe Olivia will have something to tell us later.”
Dustin opened the door and Olivia’s mom swished in looking way too bright in an orange and yellow sundress and floppy white hat. “Hey, boys! Don’t the four of you look good enough to eat? Ready for the the first ever meeting of the White Sands PFLAG chapter?”
Olivia peeked out from behind her mom and rolled her eyes at Josh, who for a change felt on the same embarrassed wavelength as the girl who’d once tried to kiss him in a closet.
“What the hell is Pee Flag?” he whispered to Dustin. “And why are parents so cringy all the time?”
Want to read more about Josh, Dustin, Olivia, and their friends? Check out these stories, which you don’t have to read in chronological order:
James Finn is a columnist for the LA Blade, a former Air Force intelligence analyst, an alumnus of Queer Nation and Act Up NY, and an “agented” but unpublished novelist. Send questions, comments, and story ideas to [email protected].
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