Stop Giving A Fuck!

Sometimes there’s no better way to say it

I’ve been thinking much over the past days as to what article I could write that would truly help my readers. I realized that the most important lessons in life are often not poetic, or deep or even remotely metaphorical. So forget about fancy pictures of sunrises and happy people dancing around a tree.

We’re not meditating here. We’re talking straight.

This title hits hard. I hope it does. Because we often need to get hit hard in order for us to learn the best lessons. We have enough sugarcoating going on in our lives as is. I’m sick of sugarcoating. I’m gonna get diabetes.

Stop Giving A Fuck

Listen to this little song here and make it your new theme song. Make it your daily hymn.

To me, these words mean a whole lot. It’s the most important lesson I had to learn. It’s the only lesson that allowed me to free myself of these heavy iron chains that pulled me down every single day for more than 15 years.

And thanks to our never-changing society full of selfish pricks and assholes who think it’s the best course of action to take giant steps on their peers, kissing asses above while relentlessly kicking down, this will always leave someone at the lower end, questioning their own identity, losing confidence and finally giving up on the most important person in their lives: Themselves.

If other people keep pissing you off, making you question every single one of your choices, then this is my best advice to you. Stop. Giving. A. Fuck.

I was just like that. I couldn’t do shit without thinking about what others may think. That made me incredibly weak. Even in my group of friends, I was a follower. I never led. I was being led. Because I gave a fuck about every notion they made. I tried to please them. I was a fucking people pleaser. Guess who never got anything nice out of that unhealthy relationship?

Right! I!

“This has been the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever” — Donald Trump

I was dropped from the group the first moment I expressed opposite thoughts. They’re not your friends, they never were.

I was shy around girls for the very same reason. I’m a nobody. I’m not worth the very ground they step on. I found love now and then. Or better said, I thought I did. But it was again me giving my all for nothing in return.

Sounds familiar? Then read on!

I didn’t even know that these few relationships I found myself in were toxic. I thought it was normal. Doing everything for them, getting nothing in return. Unconditional love, right?

Read THIS article from Sára Szarka to learn about “codependency”. I learned this 15 years too late, but better late than never, right?

So the best thing in almost all cases is to simply not give a fuck. What exactly do I mean with this? Stop caring about others? Hell, no. I found so much love and joy in others, I would never turn my back on any of them.

Let me try to explain:

No matter who you are, no matter what you do, doesn’t even matter how poor or rich you are or whether you look like Chris Hemsworth or like a bulldog that has been run over by a semi-truck. Twice. You will always meet people who put themselves above you and try to make your life harder just for the sake of it.

They’ll nag at every turn you take, trying to put you down. Trying to look better than you. They will always be a part of your life. To them, socializing means a pissing contest. And they step on everyone else just to get their gush as high as possible.

BUT

You’ll also meet those who love you for who you truly are.

Oh look. Found a fancy picture of happy people after all. Look how happy they are. Hugging and shit. I wanna go camping.

Though for that to happen more and more, you need to rediscover the shine you are carrying within yourself.

With all these good-for-nothing people around you, who do nothing remarkable other than wasting precious oxygen, it is hard to keep your light shining.

Your supervisor keeps complaining daily about how useless you are, despite you being the only one who really struggles giving his all at the job while simultaneously studying until late into the night, caring for your sick family and whatnot.

And you feel devastated and underappreciated. You give a fuck about what some snob in a suit thinks of you, because he’s above you in this biased hierarchy of ass-kissers, and you need your job. So you abide.

Don’t get me wrong. Respect is important. I have worked with great people, compassionate and caring about me as if I was their own son. These people have my upmost loyalty and respect until the day I leave this earth.

This story is not about them. They are the people you should surround yourself with.

But those who give you nothing of value and keep hitting your confidence with a sledgehammer, need to go. They don’t do you any good. And you don’t need them. Even though you might not see that yet.

“To try to avoid pain is to give too many fucks about pain. In contrast, if you’re able to not give a fuck about the pain, you become unstoppable.” — Mark Manson

It’s the best form of freedom and medicine for the soul

I’ve seen a few people in my life who just had this talent of not giving a fuck. And the insecure and unhappy me admired them. They dress the way they like. They do what they like. They laugh from the bottoms of their heart. I felt drawn to them. That’s what made them charismatic in my eyes. They just are.

They could get a million dislikes on their posts. They could get called names in public. They simply don’t care. They wouldn’t even waste their time with a response. That’s who you need to be. Who you can become, if you work on yourself and just stop giving fucks about the rest.

I didn’t get there in a day. It’s a slow and long process. You really need to work on your self-perception. Start by looking into the mirror. That’s you. And I can promise you, I like the person you’re seeing. I beg you to see what I see. I beg you to see the awesomeness.

Stop thinking about looks.

Remember the bulldog? Do you think bulldogs are ugly? Have you ever met one, pet one? They are awesome. Full of love and joy. And a little bit drooling. But hey, perfection lies in the imperfect. Stop trying to be perfect. I’m a bulldog. I don’t try to be a Golden Retriever or Labrador (love these dogs though).

Stop giving a fuck about what some nobody thinks about you.

“Be who you are and say what you think, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” — Bernard M. Maruch

You will have plenty of true friends in your life. Those who value and respect you unconditionally. Those who help you when you’re down. Those who share your every pain with you. Instead of worrying about what others might think of you, start wondering why you care about what they think.

I wrote in my article “If I wasn’t a writer, I’d probably be a rapper” about my alternate reality. Some of those who know me might think “What? You? A rapper? Stop kidding yourself!”

Guess what? Fuck them. I’d be a rapper. And a good one at that. Period. They’d be the first ones to come asking for autographs. I bet you.

Do what you love. And do it freely

This lesson is as difficult as it is simple. You are reading it now, but chances are, you’ll find yourself worrying again tomorrow. I told you it’s a slow and long process. Bookmark this, come back, remind yourself again.

I’ll also give you a few more useful helpers later, that should give you plenty of time to reflect. And if you want to talk personally, hit me up on Twitter. I’m there. We can talk as much as you like. If you need a hand, I’m there.

Start exploring the things you truly love. And do them freely. Don’t think about these obnoxious whiners pointing fingers at you. I write poetry. Friends showed it to me. It’s really fun and helps me explore more and more of myself.

If you just do what you love, not thinking about others, then your inner shine will start to come out.

And others will notice it. They will be drawn to your light.

They will bath in your joy and do their best to share their joy in return. Those haters will still be there. In fact, you will get a lot more of them than you have now.

But it’s not a bad thing. No, really. It’s a benchmark of your awesomeness. Forget about follower count. Count the haters instead. The more you have, the more awesome you are. You just need to learn to not give a fuck about them.

“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.” — Mahatma Gandhi

Stop giving a fuck. Start being awesome

Someone telling you your singing sucks? Who gives a fuck? Someone criticizing your life choices? Who gives a fuck? If these words don’t come from someone whom you really love and admire, stop giving a fuck about them.

One more thing, this is really really important!

If you find yourself thinking “I can’t do this”, then please DON’T GIVE A FUCK. We often are our worst critics. You need to stop that. Get back to the mirror. Look at awesomeness. These aren’t just words.

I really looked at the mirror for days when going to take a shower. I’d look myself deep in the eyes and tell myself that I got it. That I can do it. And it worked. Sometimes it didn’t. But I don’t give a fuck. I just tried again.

That’s my article for the day. I want you to learn these things. Not just read them. Live them. Do what you want to do. Live your life to the fullest. Surround yourself with positivity. Stop looking at the negatives.

I started living them and my life has been so much better since. I got a wife. A daughter. An amazing community. Incredibly fun hobbies. I get compliments daily (no shit!) and give compliments of my own. It’s the best feeling in my life.

A few more recommendations

These articles are in my opinion helpful at this difficult task you’re faced with. But I’m sure you’ll manage.

The Hidden Art Of Pursuing Your Goals With Diplomacy by Volo Vash

It offers much useful wisdom in 50 points to focus on the essential when it comes to dealing with people. This will help you find the cunning to gain the edge.

Why do (some) People Like to See Successful People « fail »? by KeepingItRealWithAnnick

A useful insight into why haters are haters in the first place.

How Dare You Withhold Your Gifts From the World? by Simona

A good reminder that you need to share your worth with the world; there’s a place for you.

Little Miss Sunshine: Accepting Myself instead of Seeking Acceptance by Trista Ainsworth

Though I like all these articles, I can’t stress enough how wonderful Trista is. She’s found her light and I’m still blinded by it. She’s a beacon of light and hopefully motivates you into doing your thing. I admire her. I’m sure you will too.

Lastly, I’d like to recommend a book. It’s called “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck” by Mark Manson. I haven’t really read it myself. I managed on my own. Wait, it’s stupid to recommend books I’ve never read myself?

I don’t really give a fuck. You don’t have to get it. But it looks interesting enough to be a good recommendation. Maybe check the reviews first.

So smile. Start being awesome. And if someone tells you that you suck at something, let them know that you don’t give a fuck and keep doing it anyways.

Thank you!

Kevin is an editor and writer for the ILLUMINATION publication. Follow him on Twitter and LinkedIn.