Little Miss Sunshine: Accepting Myself instead of Seeking Acceptance

This is the year I said yes to becoming myself. Some have been themselves all along, for me, it’s been a journey to becoming for many years. I have now chosen to be exactly who I am without worrying about judgments from anyone, including from myself. Social distancing has become an opportunity for me to go more inwards and work on accepting myself even more in these slower, quieter days at home. For this I am grateful.

I have always been a very sunny, very positive person. That is my natural set point. It has been such a blessing and at the same time it can be difficult. As I am an empath who can truly feel the energy of other people even if they don’t outwardly say something to me, I can sense when someone for some reason doesn’t like my positive nature. I used to worry a lot about that and although it can still effect how I feel on some levels, I have chosen to let it go. I am not for everybody, and everybody is not for me.

It doesn’t mean I can’t send love and light to them, I still can and do. They may choose to accept it, or not. I have come to a peaceful place with all of that. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have my sad or frustrating moments, they just last a shorter amount of time. Many years ago I used to have many more sad moments because I had not built up the social network of close friendships that I have now. I am so grateful for those friendships. I can now call a small number of dear friends that I know I can count on to talk through whatever is going on.

In the past I would worry about trying to dress casually as many people do here in Oregon, even though I love to dress up on a daily basis. I kept trying to find pants and jeans that I found comfortable, thinking I should wear them when I really didn’t like them that much. Those days are over. I have found the clothing and the style that really lights me up. I love dresses, skirts and leggings along with pretty shoes. Dressing this way makes me feel truly alive, truly myself. Even though we are on lockdown here during the pandemic, I still make an effort to dress up every day as it keeps me grounded and keeps me feeling good.

I have embraced fun vintage dresses and red lipstick. I have decided to be me, fully! Now more than ever, I treasure the clothes that I own. I am a minimalist so I don’t shop that often. Now that we are on lockdown I find such peace in enjoying and wearing what I have, being creative in the way I put outfits together. What I love too is that I have friends who love t-shirts and jeans and I love how they embrace that and make it their own as well. That is the beauty of life!

Before I would try to “do all of the things.” because I thought I had to. I would try to engage in as many social media threads as I could, I would post a lot more posts, I would try to go to too many events or I would over-schedule myself, thinking that I would be accepted more if I participated. This only left me feeling out of energy, drained and disconnected.

Full disclosure- sometimes (even though now there aren’t in-person events to go to during the lockdown), I have still done this. Even a couple of days ago I found myself on social media too much and after that I had to meter my time on there only to threads where I could help others or be of some value. Now, (and I am not perfect, I know I will have times where I slip backwards) I will be spending a lot less time on social media and a lot more time just being.

Just sitting in nature, just spending time with my husband and son here at home. Just being in the garden. Just being in the sunshine. Just enjoying life. That is what life is here for.

I am enjoying being who I am and owning it. I am enjoying being happy and in the moment. I am enjoying talking to the people who I truly love and feel a deep connection with. I am enjoying being me. I am a light worker and I am little miss sunshine and I love that.

With lots of love to all of you,

Trista