If I Wasn’t A Writer

Then I’d probably be a rapper

I really had to think hard about it. I wanted to be many things, especially in early childhood. I wanted to become the heroes I looked up to. Police officers, soldiers. Fighters, Warriors. For I was everything but a warrior. I lacked the courage. I was dishonest to myself as well as to others. I was a coward who’d be hiding at the first sign of danger.

But after thinking for approximately 20 more minutes, I finally saw my answer. I’d be a rapper.

Why? Well, I’m not a good singer In fact, I’m quite awful. But while my musical delivery might lack harmony, I’m quite confident about my content. Maybe that’s also the reason I got drawn to poetry since I started here.

Since rap has less acoustic support in it than other genres, the content is much more important. It’s about the story being told. And some of these rappers are the best storytellers I’ve ever witnessed. Much more so than most writers.

Inspired by my childhood idols

I must admit, I did not get too much inspiration from rappers and groups like Tupac and NWA, who are considered legends all on their own, but I’ve been a big fan of Eminem since early on.

Before those of you who never took a liking to the “foul language” present turn away, please put your trust in me and keep on reading about a different side of rap. Away from the common cliches. Not all rap is about drugs and sex or hurting people.

In fact, the most precious rap songs are about life and the cards we’ve been dealt with.

While Eminem didn’t back away from the hardcore, opponent-insulting rap, common in the genre, he put out many thoughtful pieces that I’m sure will leave anyone in awe, regardless of your gender, age or beliefs.

Please accompany me on a little journey through 3 rap songs that defined not only my teenage years, but that I identify with (and still listen to) to this day.

Eminem — Lose Yourself (excerpt)

No more games, I’m a change what you call rage Tear this motherfucking roof off like two dogs caged I was playing in the beginning, the mood all changed I’ve been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage But I kept rhyming and stepped right into the next cypher Best believe somebody’s paying the pied piper All the pain inside amplified by the fact That I can’t get by with my 9 to 5 And I can’t provide the right type of life for my family Cause man, these goddamn food stamps don’t buy diapers And it’s no movie, there’s no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life And these times are so hard, and it’s getting even harder Trying to feed and water my seed, plus Teeter totter caught up between being a father and a prima donna Baby mama drama’s screaming on her Too much for me to wanna Stay in one spot, another day of monotony Has gotten me to the point, I’m like a snail I’ve got to formulate a plot or I end up in jail or shot

Success is my only motherfucking option, failure’s not Mom, I love you, but this trailer’s got to go I cannot grow old in Salem’s lot So here I go it’s my shot. Feet, fail me not, this may be the only opportunity that I got You better lose yourself in the music, the moment You own it, you better never let it go (go) You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo You better lose yourself in the music, the moment You own it, you better never let it go (go) You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo (You better) You can do anything you set your mind to, man

Eminem — When I’m Gone (excerpt)

Have you ever loved someone so much, you’d give an arm for? Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for When they know they’re your heart and you know you are their armor And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm her But what happens when karma turns right around to bite you? And everything you stand for turns on you to spite you? What happens when you become the main source of her pain? “Daddy, look what I made!” “Dad’s gotta go catch a plane” “Daddy, where’s Mommy? I can’t find Mommy, where is she?” “I don’t know, go play, Hailie, baby, your daddy’s busy Daddy’s writin’ a song, this song ain’t gon’ write itself I’ll give you one underdog, then you gotta swing by yourself” Then turn right around on that song and tell her you love her And put hands on her mother who’s a spitting image of her That’s Slim Shady, yeah, baby, Slim Shady’s crazy Shady made me, but tonight Shady’s rock-a-bye baby

Eminem — Mockingbird (excerpt)

Heh, it’s funny, I remember back one year When daddy had no money Mommy wrapped the Christmas presents up And stuck ’em under the tree

And said some of ’em were from me ’Cause daddy couldn’t buy ‘em I’ll never forget that Christmas I sat up the whole night cryin’

’Cause daddy felt like a bum, see daddy had a job But his job was to keep the food on the table for you and mom And at the time, every house that we lived in Either kept gettin’ broken into and robbed or shot up on the block

And your mom, was savin’ money for you in a jar Tryin’ to start a piggy bank for you so you could go to college Almost had a thousand dollars, ’til someone broke in and stole it And I know it hurt so bad, it broke your momma’s heart

And it seemed like everything was just startin’ to fall apart Mom and dad was arguin’ a lot, so momma moved back On the Chalmers in the flat, one bedroom apartment And dad moved back to the other side of 8 Mile on Novara

And that’s when daddy went to California with his CD And met Dr. Dre and flew you and momma out to see me But daddy had to work, you and momma had to leave me Then you started seein’ daddy on the TV

And momma didn’t like it and you and Laney were too young To understand that papa was a rollin’ stone, momma developed a habit And it all happened too fast for either one of us to grab it I’m just sorry, you were there and had to witness it first hand

’Cause all I ever wanted to do was just make you proud Now I’m sittin’ in this empty house, just reminiscin’, lookin’ At your baby pictures, it just trips me out to see how much You both have grown, it’s almost like you’re sisters now

These songs are an important part of my childhood. Things weren’t always going well, but I could just put the disc into my Walkman and listen to it. I’d lose myself in it. And I found inspiration in these words and rhymes long before I even thought of writing as anything remotely fun.

Maybe without knowing it then, I had already discovered poetry for myself. Just in a different form. And now I’m merely rediscovering this love.

I’d be on fire

I love rhyming words, I love discovering things like double entendres, word plays, all forms of creative language. And I can come up with plenty of my own.

I’d use this gift to change minds and hearts. While Sherry McGuinn would bring people to sweat in front of a stage blowing with pyrotechnics, I’d stand on a smaller stage close by and watch people nodding to the beat as I tell them that they can achieve their dreams in a lyrical flow that mesmerizes.

I want to be a voice for problems in our world, in our society and ourselves.

Luckily, being a writer is not too far from that. You might not hear me say these things out loud, but I can spin nets of words you will find yourself caught in, reminiscing on their meaning.

This article was written to partake in an interesting challenge, crafted by Sherry McGuinn. Please check out her article (which is awesome and lively to say the least) as well as contributions from other writers who took her challenge to heart.

Kevin is an editor and writer for the ILLUMINATION publication. Follow him on Twitter and LinkedIn.