Spirituality Redefined

Plus a program for living a spiritual life

I’ve been bouncing this essay around in short forms and in comments for months. I finally feel the full spark of inspiration, catalyzed by my friend Jean Carfantan’s introduction to his newsletter the other day.

We just can’t stay in the kingdom of ideas, knowledge has to be incarnated to exist. We need to be involved in the affairs of the world otherwise the vacancy is dangerous and may be used by malevolents. This is why I don’t like the word Spirituality, this word is a way to park us in the domain of the spiritual only and leave the space for beings with hidden agendas. Those who don’t live their values are liars, cheaters and demagogues, they don’t represent us, we need to incarnate our values and give power to real representatives.

What Spirituality Means to Others

Many articles discussing spirituality, and what it means and doesn’t mean to the authors, dot the Medium landscape. Often these definitions compare and contrast spirituality and religion. Kimberly Fosu writes as summarized by me here:

Similarly, Keith Hill writes:

Being religious involves having faith in God (however named and defined) and signing up to a basic set of beliefs — technically a credo — that define what a worshipper needs to accept to become a member of that religious community. In contrast, being spiritual is experientially focused, with seekers and worshippers preferring to ground their spiritual outlook in personal experience, and to express using a range of sacred world texts, rather than by referring to a credo drawn from a single holy scripture

…

Spirituality is equally difficult to pin down, given people have different aims and accordingly embrace diverse forms of spiritual practice, including psychospiritual self-transformative processes, meditation, yoga, fasting, praying, going on retreats, out-of-body experiences, and so on.

Rebecca Graf provides us with:

The dictionary defines spiritual as “of, relating to, consisting of, or affecting the spirit: incorporeal”. (Incorporeal means that it is outside or beyond the physical or material body.) Just looking at that definition leaves the field of “spiritual” wide open.

It could also be described as seeking a higher power or force. It is looking beyond what we physically see and seeking the force that drives the physical and shapes it. With these definitions, any religion could be considered spiritual as well as other “spiritual movements”.

My favorite quote on the subject was phrased by God itself:

Religion cannot stand Spirituality. It cannot abide it. For Spirituality may bring you to a different conclusion than a particular religion — and this no known religion can tolerate. Religion encourages you to explore the thoughts of others and accept them as your own. Spirituality invites you to toss away the thoughts of others and come up with your own.― Neale Donald Walsch, The Complete Conversations with God

One of the very first articles I read on Medium is this gem by Leah Castellon,

in which she writes of her spiritual journey:

If there is one clear message that I feel I have learned on my path it is this: God is love and more expansive than I can wrap my brain around; His love is so much greater than I can comprehend.

With the diversity of the people on this earth, doesn’t it stand to reason that infinite love would provide a multitude of channels to access that source? I think so. For that reason, I will not adhere to any particular religion, but I will honor my personal journey and the paths of fellow earnest seekers.

Leah’s quote on God and love ties together nicely with the next section that hits the title of this essay.

My Views on Spirituality

Everything above is true of spirituality, but it boils down to something very simple. Be the best person you can be, with progress, not perfection. This is why we are here, as spiritual beings (souls), seeking human experiences.

When I use the term spiritual, I use it in a manner that transcends the binary of theism versus atheism. One can act entirely spiritual with or without a belief in “god” however one understands that term. Spirituality only requires love, empathy, compassion, humility, honesty and courage.

As I define spirituality, there is a flip side to the coin and all those positive feelings— accountability, both personally and holding others accountable for their words and deeds.

When one stands by and allows people to act in discordance with the spiritual purpose of their souls, the bad actors’ souls get stained with entitlement. So, holding people responsible for their actions, even if it results in loss of income or status or freedom here in the 3D world, is a great service to their souls for the after-life and future life cycles.

I reject that spirituality requires one to always follow this teaching of Jesus:

But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

I believe my 2-sided coin redefinition of spirituality jives with and supplements what Jean Carfantan wrote in the quote above regarding what he finds lacking in the way the word is widely and inauthentically practiced.

Spiritual Practice

Almost every single article I have ever seen on spiritual practices misses the mark (except Diana C.’s shadow/chakra journaling work). For example, Kimberly Fosu lists several practices in this piece:

1. Intention, 2. Breathwork, 3. Smudging (the burning of herbs like sage and palo santo), 4. Crystals and 5. Gratitude

Intention is strong and gratitude hits the mark. The others are mere tools that perform some work for you. They have nothing to do with putting in the work behind the journey of transformation that is the goal of spiritual practice — of the journey without a destination.

Elana Hernon writes well of tools that help her to put in the work in her publication

Marilyn Flower also gets these aspects of living a spiritual life:

But Marilyn and Elana still only scratch the surface.

Spirituality is More than a Set of Beliefs or Feelings — Each Principle is a State of Being — Working Steps 4, 5, 8, 9, 10 and 12 of Any 12-Step Program Will Elevate You There

Some of you know that one of my overarching goals as a writer is to help destigmatize substance abuse. Destigmatizing addictions would also remove any stigma of working 12-step programs. Every high school curriculum should include discussions of practicing Steps 4, 5, 8, 9, 10, and 12. These steps do not involve God and lead to self-awareness which leads to serenity and contentment/happiness.

AA did not get me clean. Yet my understanding of the action steps (4, 5, 8 and 9) and maintenance steps (10 and 12) contributed greatly to my ever-continuing spiritual journey toward inner contentment. Each step has a spiritual principle associated with it. (Step 1 could also have the concept of surrender associated with it).

You all are low-hanging fruit compared to school boards, so I’ll start here and now with you dear readers.

While all those words have feelings that come with them, they are more states of being than emotions. Emotions signal to us. Spiritual principles not only serve as lighthouses when our vision is foggy, but they also guide us to and present safe harbors in which to live, and anyone and everyone can live with contentment and serenity by working Step work into their self-improvement and spiritual growth routines.

Step 4: “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” Step 5: “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

I commence with Steps 4 and 5 because Step 1 is the only step that says anything having to do with substance abuse, and Steps 2 and 3 involve one's relationship with a higher power, which as I stated earlier, is not a necessary ingredient for living life spiritually. I will not go into greater than overview detail with respect to any step and anyone who is interested should buy the book “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions” (the “12 and 12”).

“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Grudges do no good whatsoever and they benefit no one, neither in our business lives nor our personal lives — Source

Step 4 is simple yet often very painful. The purpose of the step is to let go of one’s resentments by identifying what character defects in ourselves were triggered by the actions or omissions of the person we resent — every street has two sides.

CREATION gave us instincts for a purpose. Without them we wouldn’t be complete human beings….Yet these instincts, so necessary for our existence, often far exceed their proper functions. Powerfully, blindly, many times subtly, they drive us, dominate us, and insist upon ruling our lives. Our desires for sex, for material and emotional security, and for an important place in society often tyrannize us. No human being, however good, is exempt from these troubles. Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instinct. — Excerpted from The 12 and 12

I note that instruction 5’s comment about God’s will should not deter the non-believer. God’s will means living in right relation to God, which simply means with spiritual principles as our guiding lights.

No such instinct causes as much damage and holds us back further, deeply in its clutches, as fear — and it presents a double whammy when it implicates one of the seven deadly sins.

Seems to me that Bill Wilson invented shadow work and identified its chakra-clearing benefits in the 1930s.

All of the steps work to deflate ego, none more so than Step 5. “Certain distressing or humiliating memories, we tell ourselves, ought not to be shared with anyone. These will remain our secret. Not a soul must ever know. We hope they will go to the grave with us.”

While on its surface Steps 4 and 5 yield forgiveness towards others, the most important person one needs to begin to forgive is often themself.

My Lindsey took secrets to her grave. “We are only as sick as our secrets,” part of the kicker-title to that story — the saying, probably coined in AA, means that a secret kept in the dark grows and becomes more harmful, but once it is exposed to light or released, its power is lost. Lindsey kept two huge secrets from her family and kept one from me as well, which contributed to the manner of her death.

So self-forgiveness is the most powerful personal aspect of doing the 5th Step. The benefits to the person you choose to admit everything to is continuing their spiritual growth by helping your spiritual growth (doing service), and practicing holding another person accountable, as a good participant will ask probing questions and call bullshit when needed.

Step 8: “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.” Step 9: “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

Steps Eight and Nine are concerned with personal relations. First, we take a look backward and try to discover where we have been at fault; next we make a vigorous attempt to repair the damage we have done; and third, having thus cleaned away the debris of our past, we consider how, with our newfound knowledge of ourselves, we may develop the best possible relations with every human being we know.

I note that often amends constitute much more than “I’m sorry.” It may involve restitution. Sometimes all one can offer is living amends — it won’t happen again and I will be a better person to you and everyone else going forward.

Be humble and don’t assume anything.

Accept responsibility for actions and what those actions brought.

Admit fault.

Change behavior and demonstrate that healing has started.

Make an effort to rebuild trust. — Source

My friend Holly Kellums wrote a detailed piece on the spirituality of amends:

I also like this next list and explainers from outside the recovery world:

1. Take responsibility
2. Decide on the content and conditions
3. Create intentions without expectations. In other words, don’t count on it going well.

So why do we do it when it could go poorly? “Outside of harming themselves or others, making amends is set as a goal because it helps people recognize how they hurt others and seeks to create space for healing for themselves and those they wronged. When someone harms others, they often lose a relationship with that person or at least that person’s trust.” Source. Moreover, as the box-linked article explains:

Because making amends is like relieving yourself of a burden, a burden of knowing that you caused someone harm and failed to do anything about it. You stood by while the other person suffered in some way, and for many people who do this, their own actions often cause feelings of guilt, shame, anger, self-hatred, and depression. When we offer amends, there is often an unburdening of those feelings. It is like a spiritual detoxification process. So in addition to making an offer to help relieve the other person of suffering, making amends can help you feel better, too.

4. Make a commitment to yourself. This is the concept of living amends.

5. Check in regularly. This means to check in spiritually with yourself regularly and thus segues perfectly to Step 10.

Step 10: “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”

As noted by the writer of the article above:

Finally, the last step of making amends is to engage in the practice regularly. Making amends is an ongoing process that should be a part of your daily spiritual practice. Recognizing your mistakes and making amends is an integral part of your spiritual growth. Ideally, with practice, you will begin to notice more quickly when you’ve harmed someone, and you’ll make amends more quickly, too.

Yet, the first half of the Step is much deeper than perceiving and admitting wrongs done to others.

For the wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong.

…

But there is another kind of hangover which we all experience whether we are drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, the direct result of yesterday’s and sometimes today’s excesses of negative emotion — anger, fear, jealousy, and the like. If we would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainly need to eliminate these hangovers.

…

It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. But are there no exceptions to this rule? What about “justifiable” anger? If somebody cheats us, aren’t we entitled to be mad? Can’t we be properly angry with self-righteous folk?

Yes. The answer to that last question is a resounding, yes.

Anger has value Signals moral core raided My space invaded Blood boiling yet controlled rage Saber of Light rules the page

Yet, what about that spiritual axiom? Something “wrong” with us strikes me as extreme. For example, I do not believe it is necessarily wrong to suffer a wounded pride, as long as I understand it and thus recognize my role in the disturbance and thus head off a resentment. Step 10, the first of the maintenance Steps, implicates the deepest meaning of the Serenity Prayer (quoted not immediately below), and the power of acceptance.

If we would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainly need to eliminate these hangovers.

This snippet from page 417 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous profoundly and positively impacted my life:

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation — some fact of my life — unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in [the universe] by mistake. …unless I accept life on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.

(Note Eckhart Tolle, the constructed fake spiritualist, stole his fortune-making views on acceptance from AA and doesn’t even credit it).

Those 109 words contain a lifetime’s worth of wisdom and lessons. They perfectly explain the oft-misunderstood meaning of the Serenity Prayer. If you desire to change the world, great, I sure do. Acceptance does not mean turn the other cheek regarding either a person or the world. It means, in this respect, do not let the situation eat you up inside.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference

I can solve any personal problem I face, no matter how dire, simply with a change in attitude. That is what the serenity prayer says we have the power and courage to accomplish, with wisdom.

Regularly practicing Step 10 will lead to seeing:

that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means. It will become more and more evident as we go forward that it is pointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who, like us, are suffering from the pains of growing up.

Step 12: “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to [others], and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

I personally feel that it is very rare for a spiritual awakening to occur from working the Steps, particularly if unaided by psychedelics, which the founders did use.

The 12-step-gradual-approach certainly can lead to a moral and ethical restructuring and AA and the other 12-step programs should be applauded for that — but it’s not likely a spiritual awakening. See Patrick Paul Garlinger’s What Does it Mean to “Awaken.”

Generally, awakening requires a tremendous shock to one’s system — a powerful catalyst towards a paradigm shift.

Yet, Bill does soft-peddle what he means by spiritual awakening in this excerpt:

When a man or a woman has a spiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it is that he has now become able to do, feel, and believe that which he could not do before on his unaided strength and resources alone. He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being. He has been set on a path which tells him he is really going somewhere, that life is not a dead end, not something to be endured or mastered. In a very real sense he has been transformed, because he has laid hold of a source of strength which, in one way or another, he had hitherto denied himself. He finds himself in possession of a degree of honesty, tolerance, unselfishness, peace of mind, and love of which he had thought himself quite incapable. What he has received is a free gift, and yet usually, at least in some small part, he has made himself ready to receive it.

The rare person (Holly Kellums) who truly understands the 12 Steps and the program of spiritual recovery that AA is, or was before it was corrupted after the founders were no longer around, understands that the greatest gift that the program can offer is to be spiritually healed enough to help heal others.

This is also why I write and why each and every follower means much to me even though it does not translate to reads and MPP dollars. Every time I pick up a follower I know that in that moment something I wrote helped the person.

In Rama I create,

Marcus