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opposed America for invading Iraq. Yes, the Iraq War was useless violence. Yes, we abused innocent Iraqis in Abu Ghraib. Yes, we had no proof of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. BUT STILL!</i></p></blockquote><blockquote id="dc3f"><p><i>As Chairman of the House Administration Committee in 2003, I spearheaded a monumental change in American society when I renamed French Fries to Freedom Fries. How do you feel, France? You criticize us, we will stop naming fried potatoes after you! Even though French Fries originated in Belgium.</i></p></blockquote><blockquote id="49dd"><p><i>It’s time we do the same for French Toast. We’ll rename it Freedom Toast!</i></p></blockquote><h2 id="178e">Democrat Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib</h2><blockquote id="e05b"><p><i>Naturally, Ney would support Israel. He doesn’t care about victims of genocide. He <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/11/03/ney.resignation/">only cares if he can overcharge them for building casinos on Native American reservations</a>. Ney supports genocide as much as an Israel settler.</i></p></blockquote><blockquote id="ab87"><p><i>I am alarmed that everyone wants Palestine to cease to exist. Yes, Israel removed troops from Palestine in 2004. Yes, Palestinians voted for the violent Hamas in the 2006 democratic elections over the peaceful Fatah. Yes, Palestine is the only country to not recognize Israel’s right to exist.</i></p></blockquote><blockquote id="fb8f"><p><i>HOWEVER. 60% of Palestine is UNDER THE AGE OF 35! The majority couldn’t even vote in 2006! Children are being punished for the idiotic decisions of their parents! You wouldn’t kill David Duke Jr because his father is Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard David Duke, would you? For Allah’s sake, the son is an African American professional basketball player!</i></p></blockquote><blockquote id="ddc6"><p><i>Plus, can Hamas really be THAT bad when it just won the Nobel Peace Prize?</i></p></blockquote><div id="2132" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/nobel-committe-awards-peace-prize-to-hamas-efdc1624889b"> <div> <div> <h2>Nobel Committee Awards Peace Prize To Hamas</h2> <div><h3>Putting the ‘peace’ in ‘appease’</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*Kt8qScav7T3dBroAZYXaWA.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="44e3">President Joe Biden</h2><blockquote id="b8a2"><p><i>I understand Tlaib’s concerns, but she does not speak on behalf of the Democrat Party. We need Americans to understand that Israel must do whatever it takes to eradicate terrorist organization Hamas. I don’t give a damn about renaming French Toast, but America is full of idiots. I’ll change the name if it means they stop sharing TikToks of Palestinian genocide.</i></p></blockquote><blockquote id="d52d"><p><i>There, Benjamin Netanyahu. I gave you my support. <a href="https://www.mintpressnews.com/blood-money-top-ten-politicians-taking-most-israel-money-israel-lobby/286491/">Now, please wire me my blood money immediately</a> so I can pay off my son’s lawyers.</i></p></blockquote><h2 id="895c">Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu</h2><blockquote id="14aa"><p><i>On behalf of Israel, I thank Biden for his unwavering support.</i></p></blockquote><blockquote id="8ada"><p><i>Biden, I will give you the money as promised. However, can you please send us your surplus COVID vaccines? We need to inject them into Hamas to make the terrorists make homosexual love instead of war.</i></p></blockquote><div id="068e" class="link-block"> <a href="https://muddyum.net/benjamin-netanyahu-injects-hamas-with-covid-vaccines-in-hopes-of-turning-terrorists-into-dbe592f9e0ae"> <div> <div> <h2>Benjamin Netanyahu Injects Hamas With COVID Vaccines In Hopes Of Terrorists Abandoning War For Homosexual Love</h2> <div><h3>Do Say Gay</h3></div> <div><p>muddyum.net</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*jNoBWOKjsUtks60GEj7soA.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="89bf">Democrat Senator Bob Menendez</h2><blockquote id="968e"><p><i>Oh, so it’s OK for Biden to accept money from Israel. But when I accept money from Israel’s former enemy, I’m a criminal.</i></p></blockquote><blockquote id="d871"><p><i>I would side with Talib, but I recently switched to the Republican Party. At least they pardoned me for my crimes. Down with French Toast!</i></p></blockquote><div id="229f" class="link-block"> <a href="https://muddyum.net/democrat-senator-bob-menendez-escapes-accountability-for-corruption-by-identifying-as-a-republican-ef41cbc22b24"> <div> <div> <h2>Democrat Senator Bob Menendez Escapes Accountability for Corruption by Identifying as a Republican</h2> <div><h3>Switching Sides</h3></div> <div><p>muddyum.net</p></div>

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    </div><p id="de2f">Twitter caused such an uproar over France’s support of Palestine that Speaker of the House Mike Johnson hosted a session to address this.</p><blockquote id="4c1c"><p><i>“I don’t know why we want to rename French Toast to Freedom Toast. Especially since we changed the name back in 2006 after Ney left office. No one cares about Ney’s bullshit.</i></p></blockquote><blockquote id="6179"><p><i>“Regardless, we Republicans are desperate. Both our impeachment of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas AND our $17.6 billion Israel aid package failed. We need to pass any bill to showcase our competence.</i></p></blockquote><blockquote id="0be4"><p><i>“Therefore, we’ll rename French Toast to Cinnamon Toast. Now, we adults have the same superpower as children: to see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.”</i></p></blockquote><p id="5271">Johnson also proposed to rename French roast coffee to Nigerian roast coffee to point towards how dark French roast actually is.</p><h2 id="ef6f">Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.</h2><p id="dbc4">— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —</p><p id="c0aa">Thanks for reading!</p><p id="b1a4">If you desire black comedy and political humor, see my profile’s Table of Contents page.</p><div id="1813" class="link-block">
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POLITICS

Republicans Pass Bill to Rename French Toast “Freedom Toast” in Protest of France’s Support for Palestine

An attempt to portray competence

Freedom never looked this beautiful. Photo by Omar Al-Ghosson on Unsplash

Cancel French Toast!

Nope, doesn’t have the same ring to Cancel Cookies.

Fox News once again started a protest on a dessert for catering to the woke culture. That’s right. Republicans blasted Pepperidge Farm 3 years ago for removing white chocolate macadamia nut cookies for being “too white”.

Now, politicians from both sides of the political spectrum are cancelling French Toast for being “too woke.” French Prime Minister Emmanual Macron implored Israel to stop attacking Palestine, deeming the attacks as genocide. This struck a nerve with the world’s greatest supporters of genocide: Americans.

On a tangent, we want to respond to the butthurt Americans angry at our joke. What did you all expect? Your country was built on the slaughtering and enslavement of innocent Native Americans. Genocide is a double bacon wrapped cheeseburger; they’re both the backbone of the American culture. The difference is that one kills Americans. The other is genocide.

But we digress. Many Americans “shamed” Macron on Twitter. We compiled our favorite tweets below.

Republican Governor Brian Kemp

Israel is America’s greatest ally! It won that land fair and square after it helped us win World War II. But of course, France wouldn’t know anything about the history of war. They spent every war waving the white flag!

I will stand by democracy and Israel for as long as I live. I support Israel so much that I will sign a bill that redefine what anti-Semitism actually is. Anyone who supports Palestine is an anti-Semite. Take that, college students!

Republican Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene

I am livid. ROYALLY LIVID! I haven’t been this angry since the House blocked my impeachment of Santa Claus.

I always hated Macron when he reversed his anti-mask, anti-quarantine, and anti-vaccination stance after he contacted COVID. How dare this man gives Italian cookies a bad name! Especially since America runs on excess sugar!

This macaroon is restricting my freedoms! He is a COMMUNIST!

Republican Congresswoman Lauren Boebert

No wonder France is pro-vaccination. It could never win a war, and now needs to gain an advantage by sending microchips into our bodies.

Nice try France, but we see through your deceit. We now know you’re working with Palestine to take down America.

We won’t give in! I will save America from our enemies by personally jerking off all the terrorists.

Ex-Republican Congressman Robert Ney

I’m not surprised the French would support terrorism. After all, they opposed America for invading Iraq. Yes, the Iraq War was useless violence. Yes, we abused innocent Iraqis in Abu Ghraib. Yes, we had no proof of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. BUT STILL!

As Chairman of the House Administration Committee in 2003, I spearheaded a monumental change in American society when I renamed French Fries to Freedom Fries. How do you feel, France? You criticize us, we will stop naming fried potatoes after you! Even though French Fries originated in Belgium.

It’s time we do the same for French Toast. We’ll rename it Freedom Toast!

Democrat Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib

Naturally, Ney would support Israel. He doesn’t care about victims of genocide. He only cares if he can overcharge them for building casinos on Native American reservations. Ney supports genocide as much as an Israel settler.

I am alarmed that everyone wants Palestine to cease to exist. Yes, Israel removed troops from Palestine in 2004. Yes, Palestinians voted for the violent Hamas in the 2006 democratic elections over the peaceful Fatah. Yes, Palestine is the only country to not recognize Israel’s right to exist.

HOWEVER. 60% of Palestine is UNDER THE AGE OF 35! The majority couldn’t even vote in 2006! Children are being punished for the idiotic decisions of their parents! You wouldn’t kill David Duke Jr because his father is Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard David Duke, would you? For Allah’s sake, the son is an African American professional basketball player!

Plus, can Hamas really be THAT bad when it just won the Nobel Peace Prize?

President Joe Biden

I understand Tlaib’s concerns, but she does not speak on behalf of the Democrat Party. We need Americans to understand that Israel must do whatever it takes to eradicate terrorist organization Hamas. I don’t give a damn about renaming French Toast, but America is full of idiots. I’ll change the name if it means they stop sharing TikToks of Palestinian genocide.

There, Benjamin Netanyahu. I gave you my support. Now, please wire me my blood money immediately so I can pay off my son’s lawyers.

Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu

On behalf of Israel, I thank Biden for his unwavering support.

Biden, I will give you the money as promised. However, can you please send us your surplus COVID vaccines? We need to inject them into Hamas to make the terrorists make homosexual love instead of war.

Democrat Senator Bob Menendez

Oh, so it’s OK for Biden to accept money from Israel. But when I accept money from Israel’s former enemy, I’m a criminal.

I would side with Talib, but I recently switched to the Republican Party. At least they pardoned me for my crimes. Down with French Toast!

Twitter caused such an uproar over France’s support of Palestine that Speaker of the House Mike Johnson hosted a session to address this.

“I don’t know why we want to rename French Toast to Freedom Toast. Especially since we changed the name back in 2006 after Ney left office. No one cares about Ney’s bullshit.

“Regardless, we Republicans are desperate. Both our impeachment of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas AND our $17.6 billion Israel aid package failed. We need to pass any bill to showcase our competence.

“Therefore, we’ll rename French Toast to Cinnamon Toast. Now, we adults have the same superpower as children: to see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.”

Johnson also proposed to rename French roast coffee to Nigerian roast coffee to point towards how dark French roast actually is.

Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Thanks for reading!

If you desire black comedy and political humor, see my profile’s Table of Contents page.

If you’re a new user on Medium and feel that I’m funny enough to binge all my content in one day, subscribe to me.

Seriously. Please follow me. I desperately need money to pay off my debts to the Yakuza.

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