POLITICS, ENTERTAINMENT
Donald Trump “Promotes” Republican Tim Scott to the Trump Estate’s House Slave
DOnald Unhinged
Kanye West once said slavery was a choice. He now has an opportunity to test his theory with the help of Republican Senator Tim Scott.
Following Donald Trump’s victory in New Hampshire’s Republican Primary, Scott introduced MAGA’s deity with a sermon.
“Let me say. WE. NEED. A. PRESIDENT.
WE. NEED. A PRESIDENT.
WE. NEED. A president. TODAY.
WE NEED TODAY. A PRESIDENT. Like DONALD. TRUMP.
WE. NEED. DONALD. TRUMP.
And THAT’s WHY. I came to the VERY WARRM state of New Hampshire. To endorse the NEXT. PRESIDENT. That WE NEED.
PRESIDENT. DONAAAAALLLDDD. TRUMP”
Trump thanked the prolific orator for his neediness.
“Tim, I feel your love. I instantly forgive you for running against me.
“That being said, my opponent Nikki Haley appointed you to the South Carolina Senate. She’s the reason you have a job. You must really hate Haley, don’t you?”
Scott struggled to hold back tears flowing down his cheeks.
Trump grinned and patted Scott on his bald head.
“Look at you Timmy Boy. You’re growing into a man right before my very eyes. You’re supporting my presidency. You’re engaged to be married. To a WOMAN! We never thought this would happen. What is going on?
“Your subservience moves me. I know you didn’t serve my daddy, but I know he would have treated you well. He would have been the father you never had.”
This was too much for Scott, as he broke down.
“Mr. Trump. I LOVE YOU. I. NEED. YOU.”
Scott fell down to his knees and started polishing Trump’s shoes with his tongue. Trump laughed, and picked up Scott.
“Now hold on, Uncle Tim. I like your thirst. But you’re not going to be on my vice president ticket.
“I mean, come on! You just embarrassed yourself in front of the crowd minutes ago! You’re as submissive as Lying Ted Cruz!
“I can’t have a weak, sniveling pussy as my right-hand man. But I’ll offer you something better. You can manage my real estate. The Trump Tower. Jared Kushner’s condo. The brains of my MAGA subjects. The last task should be super easy, as these subjects have very few brain cells left.
“Timmy Boy, how would YOU like to be the Trump Estate’s very first house n****r?”
Scott dropped his jaw. The crowd fell silent. Trump laughed and hugged Scott.
“Come now Timmy Boy, isn’t this great? You’re not JUST managing my house. You’re managing it FREE OF CHARGE! This is like winning the 9th season of my reality competition show The Apprentice!
“Don’t get me wrong, I would have loved to pay you. But I’m forced to pay E. Jean Carrol $83.3 million for spreading lies about her. I’m now too broke to afford servants.”
The crowd booed loudly. Trump laughed.
“Now now, it’s all good. Thanks to all of your campaign donations, I’m able to pay her off.
“Side note. How come I haven’t been arrested for misuse of campaign funds? I even started an insurrection, and I’m not in jail! The Constitution can’t even handle me right now.
“If I can violate the 14th Amendment without punishment, then I’ll try my luck at abusing the 13th Amendment. I’ll bring back slavery and own Timmy Boy here. Timmy Boy will mange my estate, as it’s better than him being in the fields and cotton-picking votes.
“However, Timmy Boy has no idea how to cook. How can you manage an estate and not know how to cook a well-done steak?
Like Melania says to me all the time, it’s not THAT hard!
“Then again, I’m not surprised Timmy Boy can’t cook. He’s a conservative male. Cooking is a job meant for his girlfriend. Assuming he has one.
“I’m just kidding. Timmy Boy can’t cook because he’s an idiot. Like all black people.”
The MAGA crowd erupted with a thunderous applause. Trump grinned.
“Look, I’m not racist. But look. How do you expect black people to cook when the only life skill they ever learnt was cotton picking? You can’t eat cotton! I heard it tastes as bad as well-done steaks!
“Now, not many people know this about me because I don’t like to boast. But I taught the great Uncle Ben how to cook white rice. I even have a picture of me teaching him.
“See, Uncle Ben was so touched by my generosity. He used to say
‘Sir, you are a great chef; probably the best there has ever been. Also, thank you, sir, for teaching a black man how to cook for life.’
“He had tears in his eyes that day. And I was touched at how much the black man looked up to me as a white savior. Could you believe they were content eating burnt black rice before I came along? That’s how bad they cooked food!
“Fortunately, I knew how to make rice whiter and better. I made rice great again.
“But I didn’t cook. I’m not a woman. All I did was make the rice white and salty through my ejaculation. I just hunched over a bowl of rice, stroked my tiny penis, and thought of my ex-wife E. Jean Carroll.
“And that’s the story of how I created sticky rice. That’s also why China loves me. They love me so much they allowed me to employ their children in my sweatshops.
“I tell ya, Chinese children are on the path to become honest Americans.”
Trump’s lesson in high school history got a standing ovation from a crowd of middle-school dropouts. Trump beamed.
“Now, I can’t take all the credit. I thank Larry Elder for my infinite wisdom on African Americans. God created him on this earth so he can teach me the ways of politics.
“Thanks to Larry and Kanye, I learnt that African Americans LOVE slavery! Why else would Colin Kaepernick repeatedly try out for the NFL after comparing the draft combine to a slave auction?
“Even Timmy Boy here spent his entire campaign downplaying the impacts of slavery on Black Americans. He even denied that systemic racism exists. Timmy Boy hates BLM so much that he could be a cop!
“Timmy Boy is an embarrassment to black people. That’s why he’d be perfect as my house slave.”
The crowd started chanting “BRING BACK SLAVES!” Trump turned to Scott.
“Look Timmy Boy. This is what you wanted, isn’t it? Didn’t all you GOP participant trophy winners spend a debate vowing to bring slavery back?
“I am a man of my word. As long as it benefits me. So what do you say, Timmy Boy?”
Quivering, Scott whispered in the microphone.
“I love you, Massa.”
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.
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