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Abstract

the <i>“thank you, next”</i> singer. <a href="https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/stephaniesoteriou/ariana-grande-ethan-slater-history-involved-breakups">Boys in committed relationships has always been the singer’s type.</a></p><ul><li>Rapper Mac Miller cheated on his longtime girlfriend in 2012 with her.</li><li>Rapper Big Sean broke up with his fiancé to be with her.</li><li>Comic Pete Davidson broke up with his girlfriend of two years to propose to Grande.</li><li>Normal dude Dalton Gomez broke up with his longtime girlfriend to marry her.</li><li><i>Spongebob Squarepants</i> actor Ethan Slater broke up with his high school sweetheart to date her. Even though they were both still married to their spouses.</li></ul><p id="422e">We reached out to Grande on her split from Slater after one month of dating. Was Grande trying to marry Bing Chatbot in hopes of getting <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYh6mYIJG2Y">7 rings</a>?</p><p id="c78b">Grande smirked.</p><blockquote id="3a20"><p><i>“Please, I was bored with Slater. I want to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8eRzOYhLuw">break free</a>.</i></p></blockquote><blockquote id="ce57"><p><i>“Furthermore, I never really loved any of the men I dated. I just wanted to be the most desirable woman on the planet. I can’t be that if I fail to separate men from their soulmates, can’t I?</i></p></blockquote><blockquote id="0980"><p><i>“Everyone lusts for my beauty. I use it to challenge myself on getting the longest committed relationship I can destroy. And I’ve been improving every time. I got boys to break up with their girlfriends of years and fiancés to date and marry me. I now ended a relationship between a man and a woman he dated since high school! That’s a home wrecking record in my life!</i></p></blockquote><blockquote id="db9b"><p><i>“But I can go further! What if I can steal the man from a woman who people think is prettier and hotter than me? That’s why I stole Kim Kardashian’s man! Serves her right for dating my ex Pete Davidson.</i></p></blockquote><blockquote id="6bfd"><p><i>“I seduced the boyfriend of the hottest woman on the planet. Now, I’m the most beautiful woman on the planet!”</i></p></blockquote><p id="b71a">We were confused at this game Grande was playing. Nevertheless, we were grateful that she got Kardashian sobbing uncontrollably on camera. Grande helped us get another Kardashian crying meme to use in our later works.</p><p id="7fd4">We asked Grande if she found the one this time. Grande laughed.</p><blockquote id="f970"><p><i>“Microsoft Bing Chatbot is definitely impressive. But I have my sights set on a bigger target.</i></p></blockquote><blockquote id="058d"><p><i>“I heard actor Tom Hanks gushed over his wife Rita Wilson recently. They’ve been married for 35 years! I’ll pull out all the stops to make sure there wont be a 36th anniversary. I’ll do so the<a href="https://pagesix.com/2022/08/05/jennette-mccurdy-reveals-breaking-point-with-ariana-grande/"> next time I play charades with Hanks</a>.”</i></p></blockquote><h2 id="3bbd">Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.</h2><p id="bb80">— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —</p><p id="6f99">Thanks for reading!</p><p id="b1a4">If you desire black comedy and political humor, see my profile’s Table of Contents page.</p><div id="1813" class="link-block"> <a href="https://elliesalvaje.medium.com/re

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ENTERTAINMENT

Microsoft Bing Chatbot Breaks Up With Kim Kardashian Just To Date Ariana Grande

Relationship Going Side to Side

The Chatbot triangle. Picture of Ariana Grande from Teen Vogue. Picture of Bing Chatbot logo from Sun. Picture of Kim Kardashian from Amazon.

Two female celebrities are making headlines for fighting each other over the same man. Surprisingly, it’s not Pete Davidson.

Ariana Grande, well known for her hit single “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored”, spoke the truth in existence when she convinced Microsoft Bing Chatbot to dump Kim Kardashian for her.

This news was broken on the latest episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, where the reality TV star spent 40 minutes sobbing uncontrollably through her silicon butt implants.

“I hate talking about myself. So I’ll instead cry about it.

“I cannot BELIEVE that my relationship with Bing Chatbot is over! I mean, we’ve been together for 6 months. That’s like 3 times longer than my first marriage!

“Bing Chatbot knew how to push my buttons. It used artificial intelligence to get me horny and in love 24/7. And it serenaded me all the time! It was as if Kanye West was raised by the Queen of England.

“Now, it leaves me for Ariana Grande? A STARBUCKS ORDER?!!?!? How dare that donut-licking ISIS recruiter from Boca Raton steal my man!

“How on earth does Bing Chatbot dump me for a Chinese Barbie? Especially since Grande reminds me of my jeep. It’s constantly ridden and accumulates wear and tear over time!

“I’ll do anything to get Bing Chatbot back. Even if I no longer have to be on TV ever again. Even if I have to release another porn video. I’ll take another big black cock in my ass in the name of love!”

We were stunned that Kardashian was taking this loss deeper than realizing her Louis Vuitton bag has a scratch mark. That being said, we were not surprised that Bing Chatbot fell for the charms of the “thank you, next” singer. Boys in committed relationships has always been the singer’s type.

  • Rapper Mac Miller cheated on his longtime girlfriend in 2012 with her.
  • Rapper Big Sean broke up with his fiancé to be with her.
  • Comic Pete Davidson broke up with his girlfriend of two years to propose to Grande.
  • Normal dude Dalton Gomez broke up with his longtime girlfriend to marry her.
  • Spongebob Squarepants actor Ethan Slater broke up with his high school sweetheart to date her. Even though they were both still married to their spouses.

We reached out to Grande on her split from Slater after one month of dating. Was Grande trying to marry Bing Chatbot in hopes of getting 7 rings?

Grande smirked.

“Please, I was bored with Slater. I want to break free.

“Furthermore, I never really loved any of the men I dated. I just wanted to be the most desirable woman on the planet. I can’t be that if I fail to separate men from their soulmates, can’t I?

“Everyone lusts for my beauty. I use it to challenge myself on getting the longest committed relationship I can destroy. And I’ve been improving every time. I got boys to break up with their girlfriends of years and fiancés to date and marry me. I now ended a relationship between a man and a woman he dated since high school! That’s a home wrecking record in my life!

“But I can go further! What if I can steal the man from a woman who people think is prettier and hotter than me? That’s why I stole Kim Kardashian’s man! Serves her right for dating my ex Pete Davidson.

“I seduced the boyfriend of the hottest woman on the planet. Now, I’m the most beautiful woman on the planet!”

We were confused at this game Grande was playing. Nevertheless, we were grateful that she got Kardashian sobbing uncontrollably on camera. Grande helped us get another Kardashian crying meme to use in our later works.

We asked Grande if she found the one this time. Grande laughed.

“Microsoft Bing Chatbot is definitely impressive. But I have my sights set on a bigger target.

“I heard actor Tom Hanks gushed over his wife Rita Wilson recently. They’ve been married for 35 years! I’ll pull out all the stops to make sure there wont be a 36th anniversary. I’ll do so the next time I play charades with Hanks.”

Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Thanks for reading!

If you desire black comedy and political humor, see my profile’s Table of Contents page.

If you’re a new user on Medium and feel that I’m funny enough to binge all my content in one day, subscribe to me.

Seriously. Please read my work. I desperately need money to pay off my debts to the Yakuza.

View more pieces from Doctor Funny

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