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Draymond Green Screams at the Dalai Lama for Calling Him a Beta Male
The Way of the Alpha Male
Marcus Aurelis quoted that a man is truly invincible when he doesn’t let words get to him. In other words, NBA All-Star Draymond Green is still a boy.
The emotional man-child is well known for losing his cool so quickly that fans wondered if he was King Joffrey in blackface. Other NBA teams, however, used this immaturity to their advantage. Ex-Cleveland Cavaliers star Channing Frye admitted the team got Green so riled up with their trash talk that he kicked LeBron James in the balls. Green was suspended for playing soccer instead of basketball.
Green fell for the bait as easily as Charlie Brown does when Lucy promises to hold the football still. The Cavaliers fished him out of the Golden States Warriors lineup to win the championship in 2016. This loss traumatized Green so much that he begged superstar Kevin Durant to join the Warriors next year. Durant joined the Warriors, feeling he could relate to Green more with their hobby of blowing up Twitter/X with their nonstop attacks to directed criticism.
Green’s comebacks on Twitter/X are so pathetic that users thought he was 13 years old. Even Will Smith decided to kickstart his career comeback by starring as Green in his biopic: 30 Going on 13.
Regardless, we found Green’s tweets so hilariously bad that we wanted to share this cringe content with our readers.
- Green tells Conor McGregor to stop wearing Green’s Warriors #23 jersey, as Green was rooting for Floyd Mayweather against McGregor. McGregor retorts that he was wearing CJ Watson’s Warriors #23 jersey, as Watson is dating Mayweather’s ex-girlfriend. McGregor told Green he had no idea who he is, but he hopes Green stayed in school. Based on Green’s retort, he could have benefited taking McGregor’s advice.
- Green sucker punched ex-teammate Jordan Poole after Poole trashed talked Green’s performance. Green then defended himself with “I don’t just hit people.” Green is right. He usually kicks people in the nuts.
- Green slammed ex-power forward Kevin Garnett for ignoring Green’s trash talk and threat to fight after Garnett slammed Green for bullying players that are smaller than Green. Wait, that Garnett tweet was fake? Green once again elicited an emotional response after falling for a bait.
Green’s online retaliation makes Durant’s social media clap-backs look like one liners from Rodney Dangerfield. Just like Dangerfield and Durant, Greene gets no respect around here.
Green took to his podcast to defend his immaturity.
“Every sports team will set off temperamental violent child on the other team. Whatever they need to do to get ahead. I just find it amusing that they can only beat us Warriors when I’m not there. This just proves that I am the best player on that team.
“They thought they was baiting me? Please. I knew they were trying to bait me. I’m the master baiter! I jack off to their sweat and tears every night!
“You all are gonna say I’m getting defensive. Of course I am! I won Defensive Player of the Year in 2017! I didn’t win that award just by playing elite basketball defense.
“When you play this game at an elite level like I do, you see this game far differently. I choose to fall for the baits to throw the other team off! I play the long con. I fell for the bait to lose the finals to Cleveland, but I ended up kicking their asses in the next two finals appearances! Yes, Durant may have done all the work, but I was the reason he signed with us! You’re welcome, Oakland.
“I don’t just insult people. If you pissed me off, Imma come at you. Stay in your lane boys. Especially you, Dalai Lama.”
Green pulled up a screenshot from Twitter/X handle thedelillama.
“So the Dalai Lama tweets.
Draymond Green is a bitch ass n***a. Soft beta male. Even coach Steve Kerr agrees. And Kerr got a bloody punch from Michael Jordan.
“Now, I don’t know why a Buddhist monk would tweet this. They promote peace, but cuss out random dudes? Don’t they spend all their time meditating? What on earth do they know about basketballs?
“The only thing the Dalai Lama knows about balls are those from little boys. Seriously. How do you get caught with your tongue down a boy’s throat? Even corrupt sex trafficker Dan Snyder was able to hide his pimping for 20 years. And he was constantly in the spotlight for ruining the Washington Commanders.”
Green then ranted on why the Dalai Lama was as much as a “failure” in basketball as Andrew Nicholson.
“Not to try to throw salt at anyone. When it comes to winning, half the battle is looking like a basketball player. And when you see guys on the other side of the floor that don’t look like basketball players, you automatically lose respect.
“When you see guys that you have no respect for, you do things that you normally wouldn’t do. The Dalai Lama looks nothing like a basketball player. Weird body shape. Looks like Yao Ming’s skeleton. Has Kobe Bryant’s hair. Dress like Superman’s cape. What the hell does he know about basketball?
“I ain’t no beta. I am THE ALPHA! I followed the 10 Laws of The Alpha to every detail just so I can be Twitter certified!
“This Buddhist beta thinks he can take down an alpha? I’m no Adonis. But I can definitely muscle my way through this twig. Come at me, bro!”
We reached out to the the Dalai Lama on his tweet. The Dalai Lama laughed.
“I am but a humble monk. I have no need for materialistic possessions. I have no use for tweets, let alone a Twitter account.
“I don’t know who’s impersonating me online. Furthermore, I have never met Mr. Green in person. But he seems like an angry, troubled soul. I hope I can help him achieve inner peace.”
We reached out to Twitter/X user thedelillama. The user responded.
“Of course we’re not the Dalai Lama. Read our handle. We’re The Deli Llama!
“No, we don’t sell sandwiches full of llama meat. We’re a sports meme account! We make up jokes at the expense of athletes.
“Did Draymond Green really think the actual Dalai Lama was insulting him? He really is the one true master baiter.”
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now
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