SPORTS, LGBTQ, POLITICS

Brett Favre Opposes Trans Women Using Female Restrooms on Fear of Sending Unsolicited Dick Pictures to Men

No Romo

Who knew it was possible for a man to still be straight, even after he spreads his asscheeks for the other man to penetrate with his penis? The power bottom male just has to say “no homo” after anal intercourse.

If only ex-NFL athlete Brett Favre knew this “loophole” following his retirement. Originally, Favre took the traditional route of using fame to scam his admirers. The cheesehead con artist joined Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant to pay for a state-of-the-art college girls volleyball court using the state’s welfare funds. Slandered for his crimes, Favre tried to appease his poor supporters by paying them back through a proposed fetus tax.

A majority of sports fans lambasted Favre’s attempt at covering up his fraud with healthcare. A few of Favre’s fanatics defended him as a great athlete whose “healthcare scam” indicated he could have also pursued a professional basketball career. However, Favre ignored his fans’ critiques as much as he ignored a female hostess’s pleas to stop sending her dick pictures.

After getting his toes wet in governmental issues, Favre decided to use his God given white male confidence to become a political commentator. After all, former NFL athletes chose politics as their next step.

• Herschell Walker unsuccessfully ran for Georgia Senator. Turns out he acted so immaturely that Matt Gaetz thought he was young enough to be a romantic partner.

• Antonio Brown ran for President of the United States.

At no one’s request, Favre decided to speak out against transgender males using female restrooms.

“To think that a young man who identifies as a girl, I don’t understand it — just hear me out — can go into a girl’s bathroom and use the restroom with girls, and for us to think that’s OK, I think is wrong. I’m sorry…”

We reached out to Favre to ask why he’s afraid of a gender-fluid restroom, considering that straight men and women have used the same restrooms in the past with no issue.

“I just think some things we’re allowing in this country are beyond belief. Some of the thoughts and beliefs we’re seeing are crazy. Especially me, for Christ’s sake! I vowed to repay the victims of my Mississippi welfare scam by taxing unborn fetuses!

“No sane human would even THINK about proposing this. I blame CTE for ruining my mind. I put my intellect on the line for American entertainment. I should be forgiven for all my crimes and actions due to my incredible sacrifice!

“Despite my brain damage from football, I’m still smart enough to know how guys and girls think. If guys get nudes from an attractive girl, they will share it with their friends. It’s why I send dick pictures to hot girls who never requested them from me! If girls see pictures of my schlong, they’ll be compelled to send me pictures of their bobs and vagenes! As an old white man, I’m confident this is how girls behave.

“Now, what happens if I get nudes from a hot girl, but my friends realize she’s a tranny? Then I get roasted in the group chat! I get shamed by Fox News! I get exiled from the NFL community! Worst of all, I get hit on by Michael Sam!”

Favre nervously scratched his neck.

“What will my friends and family think of me if I’m gay? I’ve already made a career getting tackled by grown ass men in tights! I’m already arousing suspicion!

“I don’t want people thinking I’m gay. I can tolerate Pat McAffee calling me a scam artist. But I draw the line when people question my sexuality. I’m not on board with this queer shit.”

Favre then angrily slammed his palms on his desk.

“If I send a dick picture to a woman who ends up being a man, then I’ve been lied to. My trust is violated. This is grounds for rape. How dare a man abuses my horniness and emotions!”

We told Favre he can prevent this behavior if he doesn’t send unwanted nudes to women he finds attractive. Favre shook his head.

“I got away with this back in the 90s. I don’t know why people expect me to behave like a decent human being now. I can’t even if I wanted to. I have CTE!

“What ever happened to the good old days of white males ignoring female concerns to get laid? This is why our country was in better shape with Donald Trump as president. He was non-political, and I liked that about him. Republican, Democrat, it didn’t matter. Trump would still grab you by the pussy.

“Was he perfect? Absolutely not. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. I’m flawed just like the rest of ’em. We’re all flawed. But I really felt like he had our country in a better place and really cared about our people in our country. Why else would his supporters defend his sexual assault as insignificant because he had a small penis?

“There’s only room enough in this country for two crazy people: me and Donald Trump. We don’t have enough straight white males to even out the queers. We need to suppress LGBTQ to make America great and glorious again!”

Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now

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