Relationships Are NOT For Everyone.

Things have changed, and we're learning the realities of healthy working relationships. Hint — it's not pretty.

The dynamics of relationships have significantly changed in the last couple of decades. That's nothing new, and with changes come, of course, different complications.

The reason I say relationships are not for everyone is because they take A LOT of work.

Here are a few reasons why.

A healthy relationship requires you to grow and evolve.

Otherwise, it will fail.

And not everyone is willing to do the work it takes to face themselves in the mirror and say, 'Things need to change.'

I'm glad this is being spoken about because it's about time we take accountability for our emotional development.

Some of us are adults now, and we have yet to take full responsibility for our growth.

We have a plethora of resources available to help us develop our emotional intelligence and learn to better handle conflict.

At this point, if you're not doing this, it's because you're choosing not to.

This will ruffle some feathers, but that's what I'm hoping for.

It's time to have a real discussion about what we're willing and not willing to change.

If you're not willing to change, then you need to accept the consequences when it comes to having a healthy relationship, or lack thereof.

I'm very happy I'd been seeing a counselor for a few years before getting into a relationship, and I'm even happier that my boyfriend and I do counseling together.

One thing I've learned is my boyfriend, and I will never have all the answers to the problems we face. No couple has, and no couple ever will.

Sharing our concerns and challenges with an unbiased party helps us put things into perspective and figure out a way to work through them.

Our counselor challenges us to look at the things we're not doing well, have grace with ourselves, and forgive ourselves, but make sure we both make it a priority to work on these shortcomings so we don't constantly make the same mistakes.

This is probably one of the biggest reasons why many relationships don't work out.

One or both parties do not want to own up to their shortcomings and make an effort to work on things that make the other person uncomfortable.

We're taught to be selfish, which to a certain extent, we should be. But getting to the point where you refuse to consider another person's feelings and only expect yours to be catered to — that's a recipe for failed relationships. Not just romantic.

Finding a good partner takes time and again, growth, and evolution.

Before meeting my boyfriend, I had A LOT of inner healing and emotional growth to do.

I'm very glad he didn't come into my life before that because if he had, our relationship would have certainly failed.

One of the biggest struggles I had growing up was a poor self-image due to a lack of a steady father figure through my formative years.

This led to a look of attention-seeking from boys who didn't have good intentions. But thankfully, God looked out for me and made sure I didn't cross a line I wouldn't be able to come back from.

God shielded my heart, but unfortunately, that doesn't happen to a lot of women.

We end up making a lot of mistakes because we don't recognize our self-worth and are not taught to respect ourselves and set boundaries.

Getting to that point takes work. We must look at our lives as what they were and are.

I never wanted to admit that I lacked a good father figure. I never wanted to admit I didn't have a healthy self-image, and I definitely didn't want to admit I didn't know how to show myself respect.

But I chose to because I wanted to change. I wanted to stop chasing guys that didn't care about me and be content with being single.

I stopped dating for two years. I made it a point not to seek out the attention of men, no matter how much I wanted the validation. I needed to unlearn that habit badly.

Once I did, I was free to be myself and show guys who I was instead of being a people-pleaser.

When I proved to myself I could do it, I could respect myself, it reinforced the belief that I could change and become better; I could become a person I'd be proud of.

Once I settled into this mindset, I became more attractive.

The attention I used to crave from guys started coming my way. That's because I had confidence in myself, I was at peace with myself, and anyone could see it.

When I met my boyfriend, I had developed a spine, so to speak.

I developed the determination to take on the challenges that come with working with another person and taking their feelings into consideration.

Having difficult conversations is one of the most uncomfortable things you'll do. In a relationship, you'll do this often.

Again, a lot of people are not willing to get deep and vulnerable about their issues and work through them.

Some of the most difficult conversations I've had happened in my relationship.

I've had to dig deep within myself, more than ever before, to address the root issues that may be causing some problems.

I've had to sit through very difficult moments with very uncomfortable emotions. Emotions that most people would rather run away from.

And I've wanted to run away so many times. Sitting with anxiety, frustration, anger, stress, hurt, etc., freaking sucks!

But one of the keys to emotional growth and maturity is being able to regulate yourself when dealing with difficult emotions.

Being in a relationship and having difficult conversations offers me the opportunity to learn how to do this.

If I don't, I will never be able to deal with difficult situations outside of my relationship and work through my emotions in a healthy and mature way.

So if you think you really want to be in a relationship, a healthy relationship, know that A LOT of work needs to be done prior to and during.

A relationship will require you to grow and get uncomfortable often.

It's certainly not for the faint of heart.

I would love to hear what other lessons some of you have learned by working through challenges in your relationships.

If you've made it to the end, thank you for reading!