A Blast From Relationship Advice Past
10 antiquated ideas on love, relationships, and sex
Chances are, you have gotten love and relationship advice from your parents, or even your grandparents, and much of it has been worth taking. But what kind of advice did they get from older generations when they were learning to navigate their way through love, relationships, and sex? There is a lot of classic advice given in generations past that seemed like sage wisdom at the time — but does it still hold up? Are the following ten pieces of old-time advice simply relics of another time or do they still have some validity? You be the judge.
Put It in Writing
This piece of old-fashioned advice is pretty much unheard of in the age of texting: Write the person you love a letter. That’s right, actually sit down and write someone a letter to express how you feel about them. Not only does it allow you to collect your thoughts and say things exactly the way you want to, but it’s also a romantic gesture that shows you care enough to invest time in putting pen to paper.
A woman should never tell her husband about her “petty troubles and complaints”….
Taking the Lead
Old-time wisdom tells us that a man makes the date — with a Sadie Hawkins dance being one of the few exceptions to this rule. And when he does make the date, the man better be prepared to come to the front door to pick the woman up and possibly meet her family if she still lives at home. If he thinks he’s going to sit in his car and honk the horn to summon her, he can expect to spend the evening alone.
To Speak or Not to Speak
According to the 1940s book Sex Today in Wedded Life by Edward Podolsky, a woman should never tell her husband about her “petty troubles and complaints” as soon as he walks through the door. However, Podolsky also stresses the importance of listening. He advises a woman to always let her partner tell her about his problems, in part because it will show her how “trivial” her issues are by comparison.
Avoiding the Monthly Friend
Depending on who you ask, the advice that women should avoid sex when they’re on their period still holds true today for various reasons. However, in the 1930s, women were given this advice because it was believed that sex during menstruation would make them sick. And if you trace this advice even further back, you’ll find that men in the 19th century were told that period sex was “corrupt and virulent.”
“Women frequently shock men with their talk in bed.”
Scent of a Woman
Wearing perfume was always acceptable, but in the 1950s, McCall’s told women that the nose knows best which scent is appropriate — his nose, that is. According to the magazine, men “like to think they’re authorities on perfume,” so women should always consult their man when trying out a new scent.
The Linens of Love
Many women have heard that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but in the past it wasn’t just about the meal itself, it was also about the presentation — right down to the tablecloth. Sex Satisfaction and Happy Marriage by A. H. Tyrer told women that a good wife is mindful of everything on the dinner table, including the cut of meat, the dishes, the utensils, and the linens. However, if she “is constantly setting him down to indigestible meals, cold and unappetizing, with nothing properly cooked, set out on a kitchen table with a dirty cloth,” there would be consequences. If she committed these transgressions, “she need not be surprised if her husband frequently telephones from the office that business will prevent him from being home for dinner.”
No Self-Service Allowed
If you had the urge to masturbate, old-fashioned advice would tell you to forget it because the harm it would cause far outweighed the pleasure. According to The Psychology of Marriage by Walter Gallichan, masturbation can lead to all manner of problems, including mental illness and various diseases. And if a woman could not control her urges, Woman: Her Sex and Love Life by William Josephus Robinson advises that she get surgery to calm down her fiery loins.
Temperature Control
Conventional wisdom told women that they had to make sure they pleased their partner sexually, but they had to do it at the right temperature. If she was too hot too often, she was considered a sexual vampire, which Robinson describes this way: “Just as the vampire sucks the blood of its victims in their sleep while they are alive, so does the woman vampire suck the life and exhaust the vitality of her male partner — or ‘victim.’” However, he also says that it’s bad for a woman to be cold about sex, or “frigid”, but luckily for her, her husband would only know about it if she told him — so she needed to keep the information to herself at all costs.
The nightly ritual men and women perform before going to bed can be a “rather embarrassing procedure.”
Quiet, Please
Thomas D. Horton’s 1945 book What Men Don’t Like About Women advises wives to keep bedroom talk to a minimum. And they especially could not talk dirty because their men would find it shocking. In fact, according to him, “Women frequently shock men with their talk in bed. They use words and expressions that are seldom used even in saloons.”
Till Bedrooms Do Us Part
Since newlyweds were expected to be virgins on their wedding night, you would think they couldn’t wait to crawl into the same bed together during their honeymoon. But the 1934 Herman H. Rubin book Sex Harmony and Eugenics told couples that they should not only not share a bed — they shouldn’t even be in the same bedroom if possible. According to him, this makes for a more romantic honeymoon, especially since the nightly ritual men and women perform before going to bed can be a “rather embarrassing procedure.”
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Sources:
Basile, L. (2016, July 25). 15 Pieces of Old Love Advice That Make Us Cringe. Good Housekeeping. https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/g3734/sex-advice-cringe-worthy-vintage/
Crow, S. (2020, February 21). 13 Pieces of Old-Fashioned Dating Advice That Still Apply Today. Best Life. https://bestlifeonline.com/old-fashioned-relationship-tips/
Fogarty, L. (2017, February 9). The Worst Sex Advice From Every Decade Since the 1900s. Redbook. https://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/sex/g4124/the-worst-sex-advice-from-every-decade-since-the-1900s/
Greenwald, M. (2019, April 8). 20 Hilarious Things Girls Were Told About Dating 50 Years Ago. Best Life. https://bestlifeonline.com/old-dating-advice-for-girls/
Luesse, V. 7 Old-School Dating Tips We Want to Bring Back. Southern Living. https://www.southernliving.com/culture/old-fashioned-dating-tips
Oneill, T. (2013, August 8). 7 Tips for Keeping Your Man (from the 1950s). Mental Floss. https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/52108/7-tips-keeping-your-man-1950s
Why serving him dinner on a dirty tablecloth will drive your man to have an affair: Marriage advice from the Fifties that will make feminists choke on their cornflakes. Daily Mail Online. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3439900/Why-serving-dinner-dirty-tablecloth-drive-man-affair-Marriage-advice-Fifties-make-feminists-choke-cornflakes.html
