‘Nutric Masculinity’: The Key To Dismantling Misogyny?
It isn’t enough to just “unlearn” toxic masculinity
Men are awesome. We can be dynamic, bold, fraternal, outspoken, thoughtful, funny, agile, heartfelt, generous, diligent, and affable.
“Not all men,” of course — I’m referring to those of us who specifically reject exploitation and corruption as part of our daily actions, more often than not.
And yes, we can even be nurturing. If we allow ourselves to be. And, if society allows us to be.
Saying this isn’t intended to take away from the immense contributions women make to societies throughout the world. The obstacle for male-identifying persons is to celebrate the best traits from men and boys in ways that lift ourselves up without putting down others. While doing this, we must eradicate the aggression and domination (aka “toxic masculinity”) that so readily gets intertwined with maleness.
So how do we elevate masculinity to a better place?
My solution would be what I refer to as “nutric masculinity” — a conscious antonym for toxic masculinity. Other writers, both on Medium and through other platforms, have written extensively about such notions. I want to give them due credit throughout this editorial piece of mine, so that no one gets the impression that I somehow think I’ve synthesized these remedies all by myself.
“Nutric masculinity,” as I dub it, has been given alternate names by others. Many people call it “healthy masculinity” — such as Holly Case, who, in “The Toxic Crises Facing Men,” explores modern-day infantilization and sissy-shaming of men and boys. This can be accompanied by mixed messaging and asymmetrical expectations, leading to a male mental health crisis as well as the rise of incel culture. She prescribes healthy masculinity as a path forward so we can end these damaging cycles that have ravaged male lives. Writing for Agents of Change, Pieter Van Winkle identifies four key tenets supporting the concept of healthy masculinity: expression, surrender, boundaries, and union.
Alternately, Daniella Cressman christens it as “positive masculinity” — a mindset where we stop equating heroism with violence, and expanding the value of male emotion beyond the harmful trends of suppression or explosion. This, she maintains, will lead to humane treatment of people across gender lines. These characteristics can be extremely flexible, rather than relying on a stringent link to human anatomy.
And “magnificent masculinity” is a term coined by Christyl Rivers, Phd. Her vision for it celebrates diversity, cooperation, and “bold assertiveness” without relying on hierarchies or exploitation.
Nutric masculinity, in my view, is a moniker that emphasizes the diversified, nourishing, worldly experiences so valuable (from childhood onward) in shaping a man’s development. The reason I love the descriptor of “nutric” is because it centers good health and nutritious psychology when enriching the lives of boys and men.
Toxic Masculinity and “The Man Box”
Elle Beau ❇︎ eloquently authored an op-ed (“Lack of Masculinity Isn’t the Problem In Our Culture”) in which she illustrates dual realities: women suppressed for not being biologically male (along with being denied the privileges that accompany it), but men suppressed for exhibiting traits that are “too feminine” (e.g. creativity, introspection, collaboration, and empathy). In this context, “male fragility” refers to the hierarchical behavior of men who idealize and center their psychology around those narrow “masculine” qualities: extreme stoicism, authoritarian thinking, and material prestige.
This mold of toxic masculinity is regularly referred to as “The Man Box.” Mark Greene outlines how it’s a dominance-based structure within which boys and men become trapped. It’s a metaphorical “cage” driving many men to grow defensive and volatile if women (or other men) ask to not be treated in a domineering manner. The “unpacking” process, as it’s often called, encourages each person to assess the trauma and exploitation he has endured throughout his life, so he can critically examine how it might be linked to his current mindset.
In order to shatter “The Man Box,” I recommend nutric masculinity as an antidote.
Feelings — and The Role They Play
What is the deeper reason for any of our given feelings? It doesn’t require an advanced degree to psychoanalyze such inquiries. Using masculinity researcher Andrew Smiler’s recommendation of the “Emotion Wheel,” we can facilitate exercises where boys map out their current emotions while assigning levels of intensity to them.
Patrick McKenna of The Good Men Project interviews Dr. Smiler, who makes the point that we tend to treat little boys like machines. We don’t encourage them to process their feelings or identify their fears. Being vulnerable is courageous, as Smiler says. In my view, expanding upon Smiler’s concepts, I believe society should encourage boys and men to express whether we need venting, advice, or dialogue.
Too often, we dismiss feelings as a symptom of “fragility.” This mentality, my dears, is folly. Feelings are at the root of any problem. Feelings belong to the victims and the aggressors. Feelings create miscommunication, which causes discourse to spiral. I would argue that owning your feelings and using them as a springboard to seek resolution is the exact opposite of “fragile.”
As a side-note: Lisa Marie recently wrote an excellent piece entitled “3 Things We Need to Stop Doing to Men.” With astute clarity, she covers occupational bigotry, sexual violence against men/boys, and infantilization of the male sex.
Rejection of Binaries
Genderism has exposed society’s blind spots when it comes to how not everyone necessarily identifies as fully male or fully female. So, in that same vein, following the lead of those who advocate diversity when defining what constitutes being “feminine,” we should also extend that same courtesy when defining what is “masculine.”
My fellow dudes: your masculine characteristics might be different than mine…and both of ours might be different than those of the guy standing across the street. The ultimate question is: do one’s actions cause harm? Imposing gendered expectations upon people based on their genitalia per se would be inherently repressive. And who benefits from that?
I’m not saying we should *never* refer to binary comparisons. Rather, it’s dangerous to always apply binary thinking to every single scenario by default. As Rickie Elizabeth writes in her piece “Why Do Women Dismiss Male Feminists?” — adults have a long history of treating girls and boys differently based on gender roles that stem from patriarchy. She discusses the trend of “poseur feminists” who operate under a “nice guy” guise…but, in short order, they subversively inflict misogynistic behavior upon society. On the flip side, there are women who’ll internalize tenets of toxic masculinity within their behavior — and then proceed to subscribe to those harmful values, themselves.
These attitudinal and behavioral deficiencies create an environment where we’re ALL held hostage. “Nutric masculinity” should be about overcoming that.
Male Privilege
Systemically, men receive unearned advantages in the workplace and throughout many educational settings. Social justice proponents seek to eliminate these disparities by implementing more gender-inclusive policies, while also trying to change the social climate so that mutual respect and admiration can be promoted between all sexes and genders.
What responsibility do men have, in this context? I’d say it’s the same responsibility that women and nonbinary people have — to stand for fair treatment regardless of a person’s genitalia or their perceived masculinity/femininity.
Medha Badgire analyzes traditional interpretations of “masculism,” which have been used to elevate militancy, aggression, and insensitivity. Toxic masculinity encourages boys to conform to these traits from a very young age. In an open letter to skeptics of feminism, Brooklyn Reece writes about how true feminism is a philosophy based on power-sharing rather than any perceived inversion of dominance. She points out how toxic masculinity leads to increased rates of suicide, incarceration, and sexual violence directly harming boys and men. For this reason, male persons have a vested interest in supporting egalitarian models of feminism.
Writing for The Good Men Project, Jed Diamond discusses “Adverse Childhood Experiences” (ACE) — patterns of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse inflicted upon boys that follow them into adulthood. This is where abuse during formative years can groom future abusers to repeat those cycles. Alcoholism, obesity, depression, suicide, rape, pedophilia, and infidelity don’t just manifest out of thin air. This awareness and prevention, he says, is key to understanding the roots of systemic male-driven violence.
I would offer that nutric masculinity encourages balance in the lives of boys and men. That is, identifying and calling out aggression when we’re in a position to do so…but, at the same time, that doesn’t mean bludgeoning ourselves with a self-deprecating Let’s-Hate-Our-Penises style of performative rhetoric.
When broaching the concept of male privilege, it often comes with a misnomer that all (or “most”) men allegedly possess the exact same magnitude of privilege due to being male per se. But such a premise is flawed — it threatens to shame and scapegoat male victims of bullying or sexual violence, while potentially ignoring a multitude of added intersectional factors. Sometimes, it simply isn’t safe for a man (or a boy) to speak up in certain situations. Those scenarios would be where “strength-in-numbers” from multiple bystanders will force an aggressor to curb predatory behavior.
Acknowledge Trauma
Because of how many men engage in whataboutisms when women focus on female-centric issues, we’re always told it’s our own job to create male spaces for addressing the issues specific to us. Well, earlier this year, I finally did exactly that.
I joined an online twelve-week program led by a former commercial actor who now does life-coaching. Via Zoom, a dozen of us shared our struggles with masculinity, including how it has been linked to our individual traumatic experiences. We talked candidly about the impact it’s had on our self-worth, our personal responsibility, and our life desires. Although it wasn’t necessarily our group leader’s intent, all of us ended up falling within the same generational span of 10–15 years. Most of our group’s members were younger Xers — and this made me, as an older Millennial, sort of the “lion cub” of our pride. It was a new and refreshing experience for me. Since I’m so accustomed to relating better to people who are younger than myself, it felt like I had a den full of “big brothers” looking out for me.
Regardless of our generational commonality, this group also contained a lot of intersectionality: different racial backgrounds, sexual orientations, geographic upbringings, and professional profiles. Gearing these kinds of support systems toward generational cohorts is a smart strategy. Dealing with lifetimes of trauma is a necessary tool for Boomer, Xer, Millennial, and Centennial men who’ve already reached adulthood (or, in the case of the younger Zoomers, adolescence).
Regarding the male Alphas (“Gen AA”) who are still in their formative years, nurturing their present-day development should be a priority for Millennials and Centennials — Generations Y & Z, respectively. We are the closest to them in age, and our positionality throughout the last decade will probably be most relatable to them (in the same way that I, as a “Xennial,” drew upon the relatable upbringings of my support group brothers from Generation X).
Digging deep into our trauma crystallizes our sense of masculinity. The Good Men Project’s Kimanzi Constable pinpoints feelings of inadequacy as one of the most vulnerable struggles men face — whether it’s as a father, a spouse, a sibling, an innovator, or a provider. In the same publication, Scott Brandon Hoffman discusses how the phrase “Man up!” is a harmful coercion tactic designed to force us to mask our feelings and ignore our vulnerabilities. GB Rogut urges men to generate the nexus through which we can provide that nurturing support to one another.
Some feminists may not want to admit this, but Victoria A. Fraser gives us a much-needed wake-up call: misandry (hatred and contempt toward boys/men) exists. Granted, it isn’t usually systemic (certainly not in the way misogyny can be), but it’s largely social and cultural. In that same vein, A. Joshua W. outlines how so many men get silenced or punished when they report being the targets of sexual assault, domestic abuse, or even rape.
Hmm…doesn’t that sound familiar?
Change The Way We Teach
Through nutric masculinity, I’m proposing a radical new angle be applied to the education process. Although I will delve more deeply into this in a future editorial piece of mine, here is the cliff notes version: our sex education and “consent education” curriculums in schools need to be gender-inclusive, offered to every student from an early age.
It’s so reductionist to dumb down the perceived inadequacies of young male minds with the common one-liners of:
“Boys are the ones, rather than girls, who need to be taught consent.”
or
“They’re such simple creatures.”
The way to get past this reductionism is through modeling behavior. Teachers and male authority figures must realize how not every student (certainly not every male-presenting student) lives a heteronormative or binary life. This can be combined with “trickle-down mentoring” where boys or young men are matched with honorable role models who are either older members of their generations or from the generation immediately preceding theirs.
Modeling behavior requires that we reevaluate what we teach boys, and *how* we teach it to them. That doesn’t mean we stop letting them “be boys”…as long as exploratory and adventurous behavior isn’t detrimental or autocratic. But that also means we mustn’t assume that all boys necessarily fall into a Neurotypical Cishet Archetype.
We are NOT animals who must be “trained.”
Redefining Chivalry
While we’re at it, let’s quit normalizing the belief that women/girls are “princesses” or “damsels-in-distress” who need to be protected and/or worshipped. Human traits that are considered “chivalrous” should be multidirectional amongst PEOPLE (rather than primarily “from man toward woman”). Period.
Medium’s Growth Lodge reviews five defining traits of high-value men: openness to learning, willingness to examine new ideas, self-assured image, openness to practicing integrity and introspection, and willingness to be independent when tending to their own needs.
Thomas Ott calls out enablers of the phrase “Man Up!” to be accountable for how they’ve perpetuated a male environment that lacks coping mechanisms. As a remedy to such toxicity: Matt Jones, a masculinity coach who runs the “Authentic Brotherhood” community, emphasizes eight central values for male self-improvement: building brotherhood, effective communication, revealing oneself to others, meeting one’s needs, rites of passage, utilization of anger, conscious relating, and honoring of commitments.
Paving a “Nutric”-Path
In his piece entitled “I Don’t Know What Masculinity Is Anymore,” Chris Wojcik recognizes how “masculinity” seems to have ever-changing definitions that people will apply to “whatever fits the argument at the time.” These definitions get politicized, or they become pawns in an uneven attempt to please everybody when reformulating the definition itself.
Positive iterations of “feminism” encourage girls and women to live empowered lives. My position is that “masculism” can be repurposed so boys and men attain the resources to bring empowerment and enlightenment into our own lives.
Nutric masculinity should be that avenue.
None of this denies the epidemic of male-driven violence. Instead, it’s recognizing how that toxicity doesn’t operate along this rigid male/female binary that gender essentialists would have us believe.
Women have to acknowledge their roles in perpetuating “The Man Box” (of which their participation is really just a psychoanalytical synonym for “misandry”), the same way that men need to acknowledge our roles in perpetuating misogynistic systems and cultures. We must all do a better job of delineating individual versus group contexts, especially when critically examining how our genitals do or don’t define power dynamics and the overall social fabric.
Bottom-line: as a male person, I get to define my flavor of masculinity to advance my own mental, physical, and spiritual health — as long as it doesn’t cause harm.