Summary

The article discusses societal expectations that harm men, including tying their worth to professional success, not taking violence against men seriously, and infantilizing them.

Abstract

The author of the article argues that men face specific societal pressures that are often overlooked. These include the expectation that men's value is contingent on their professional achievements, leading to harsher psychological impacts from unemployment and failure. The article also highlights the issue of violence and abuse against men being underreported and often dismissed, contributing to a culture of silence among male survivors. Furthermore, the piece criticizes the tendency to infantilize men, suggesting that this undermines their capabilities and contributes to a harmful narrative that men require constant guidance and coddling from women. The author emphasizes the importance of addressing these issues for the well-being of men and society as a whole.

Opinions

Men's self-worth is disproportionately linked to their career success, which can lead to severe depression and substance abuse during periods of unemployment.
Violence and abuse against men are frequently not taken seriously, and societal attitudes often lead to disbelief or ridicule when men report such experiences, especially when the perpetrator is a woman.
The societal narrative that men are helpless or in need of guidance from women is damaging and fails to recognize men's competence and autonomy.
The lack of recognition and discussion around men's issues contributes to a culture that exacerbates these problems, impacting men's mental health and societal perceptions of masculinity.
The author calls for a more inclusive approach to addressing trauma and abuse, one that acknowledges and supports male survivors just as it does female survivors.

3 Things We Need to Stop Doing to Men

Unchecked men’s issues are a serious problem.

There’s a lot of cringey dudes out there —yes, I understand that. Just like any group of people has terrible individuals, some individual men are also terrible. That’s not a slam on men as a gender; that’s just the sad reality of humanity. Some people just flat-out suck, and men aren’t immune.

However, at the same time, I have noticed some disturbing ways people hurt men — things that far too often go unchecked and unnoticed. Here are three of the things that I have noticed.

Men’s worth is often tied to success, so professional failures tend to hit them a lot harder.

In society, men and women are judged differently. Women’s value is measured by their beauty and likability. As a woman, I know how much pressure we are under to conform to these things. This is why no matter how far women progress, we still are expected to conform to a specific beauty ideal — and, if we don’t constantly smile, we are quickly dismissed as “bitches.”

Men, on the other hand, are valued based on their achievements and utility. I don’t necessarily mean that a man has to be rich or “the boss” — though that certainly is praised. Money and power are not the only factors; it’s moreso whether he is doing something perceived as useful to others.

This can get toxic very quickly. Whereas women’s success is largely understood as optional or exceptional — not an expectation — a man’s entire sense of worth as a man is tied up in his level of success. This is why men tend to take it harder than women when they are unemployed. Unemployment amongst men has been linked to depression and substance abuse.

This is not healthy. In 2019, men committed suicide more than three times as often as women. Let’s not keep contributing to that by making me feel worthless.

Violence or abuse against men is not taken seriously.

Violence and abuse are serious issues, and more often than not, the conversation revolves around women. Considering that statistics tend to show that it is more likely to happen to women, both for domestic and sexual violence, that does to some degree make sense.

However, there’s one major problem: the numbers are only based on those that are reported. Men are less likely to report if they are abused or assaulted. This suggests that the numbers are slanted towards women because they are more likely to speak up. We don’t know how many men are abused because we don’t have accurate numbers.

So, what gives? Why are so many men suffering from their legitimate trauma in silence? Easy: people do not believe that men can be abused, especially if their attacker is a woman. They dismiss or laugh it off, such as claiming that an underage boy was “lucky” for being sexually abused by an adult woman. Or, they’ll have their sexual orientation or manhood questioned if they are victimized.

Coming from a woman who has experienced trauma, this is something I am passionate about. We need to do better for all survivors of violence, regardless of gender.

I strongly recommend that you check out this 2020 Medium article written by a black male survivor about his experience. As a woman, I cannot speak on men’s behalf — and as a white woman, I cannot speak on behalf of black men. Thus, here is someone who can.

No, men are not “helpless.” They just keep getting unnecessarily infantilized.

Several years ago, the controversial social media ministry Girl Defined released a video on their Youtube channel called “3 Ways Christian Girls Can Promote Godly Manhood.” The tips implied that Christian men were helpless children who needed women to coddle them. The video has since been set to private, as it did not go over well.

It’s not just the Christian world where this happens. Heterosexual women of a more secular variety also sometimes fall into the trap of treating men like babies. There’s a lot of ways this can be expressed: nagging, micromanaging their way of completing tasks, or not letting them take charge of anything.

I remember once having a conversation with a male Uber driver who summarized this perfectly: “I never knew I folded the bath towels wrong until I got married!”

The underlying assumption — even if it’s not a conscious thought — is that men are so stupid that they can’t handle anything. Thus, women need to be there to bail them out.

And really? I am so tired of this nonsense. A man is absolutely capable of taking care of his life. He absolutely knows how to take out the trash and wash dishes — he just doesn’t want to, because what’s the point if you’re just going to get nagged for “doing it wrong”?

As a woman, I may never fully understand what it is like to be a man. However, that does not mean that I cannot see some serious problems when they exist.

Ignoring men’s issues isn’t just bad for them. It is bad for everyone.

Thank you for reading! If you would like to comment, refer to this post first.

If you would like my work to continue, please consider becoming a Medium member using this link. It would really help me out.

If you’d like to encourage me to write more with a $2 cup of coffee, click here.