Summary

The author reflects on their childhood in the late 1970s, recalling how their mother, a glamorous and stocking-clad woman in her forties, found companionship with Iain, a much younger man who became a significant figure in their life for a brief period, bringing joy and healing to their family following their father's departure.

Abstract

The narrative recounts the author's experiences as a child, growing up with a mother who exuded glamour and sophistication, often seen in skirts or dresses with stockings. After the author's father left, their mother, who was forty-one at the time, began a relationship with Iain, a twenty-two-year-old stationery salesman. Iain's youthful energy and kind demeanor made him a beloved figure in the author's life, as he engaged with both the author and their mother, often spending weekends with them. This relationship lasted approximately six months, during which Iain provided emotional support and happiness to the author and their mother, serving as a positive influence and a healing presence in the wake of their father's absence. The author, upon learning of the age difference later in life, came to realize that their mother could be considered a "cougar," a term used to describe older women who date significantly younger men. Despite the brief duration of their time together, Iain's impact on the author's life was profound, and he was sorely missed after moving to Canada for a job opportunity. The author's bond with Iain was so strong that they never fully accepted their mother's subsequent partners or their stepfather, always holding a special place in their heart for the young man who had been like a family member.

Opinions

The author believes that their mother was a glamorous and attractive woman whose style was noteworthy and memorable.
The author has a positive opinion of Iain, describing him as a healing presence and a "true gentle-man" who was kind, generous, and funny.
The author reflects on the concept of a "cougar" with a sense of admiration and understanding, challenging the negative stereotypes associated with older women dating younger men.
The author values the genuine connection and the positive influence Iain had on their life, contrasting him favorably with their biological father and their subsequent stepfather.
The author expresses a sense of loss and nostalgia for Iain, wishing that he had remained a permanent part of their family.

Deposit Photos Standard License — Author keeweeboy

Mmm Mondays, Memoirs

My Mum Was a Cougar!

I didn’t realise until I was older that Mum was very glamorous and always wore a skirt or dress with stockings…

Let’s go back to the late 70s…

I was a kid, about ten years old. But even at that tender age I knew some guys could heal, whereas others could kill your spirit.

And the wondrous thing about the human soul is that even having experienced a bad’un I still had the capacity to open my heart to a good’un. And so did my Mum.

His name was Iain.

Dad had gone and it was obvious Mum missed him. He would always remain the love of her life but sometimes interludes help us forget and along the way give joy.

Tales from the past

This is what I remember. And for once names and places have not been changed because the innocent in this tale needs no protection 😉

One Saturday, Mum and I took a train to Lewisham — in southeast London — and looked around the shops. It was getting late, and my short legs needed a break so we popped into a café and ordered drinks and doughnuts. My Mum was great.

A few tables away there was a guy who kept glancing over. Looking back he resembled a young John Martyn.

I didn’t appreciate until I was older that my Mum was very glamorous, always dressed as if she was going out to dinner, and wore a skirt or dress with stockings. That was her style. I think about this sometimes when I have been in jeans and muddied wellies for a whole week!

The attentive guy joined us at our table. I warmed to him immediately. He seemed to engage with both of us. I wasn’t left out.

I am not sure if he came home with us. Or maybe visited a few days later. But I remember very well that he was soon a regular fixture, often arriving on a Friday and staying the whole weekend. Iain sold stationary and I think this involved him travelling during the week.

While Mum was cooking dinner, I would snuggle under his arm and we’d watch Star Trek, or read together. Not only that, he bought cool paper and pens home as gifts. Iain was open and seemed to understand how to spread happiness. Never pretending. Always keeping things real.

Time and space

Another thing young people don’t understand is time. So I’m not sure how long Iain was with us. Years later I chatted with Mum about him and we gauged it was probably about six months. But during the duration he shared our lives, he truly helped mend both Mum and me from all that had been my dad. He was our antidote…

Iain was kind, generous, funny. But not only that — Iain was also young!

Mum was forty-one. Iain was twenty-two.

No wonder I got on so well with him. He was only a few years past his teens.

Was my mum a cougar?

“Cougars” are popularly defined as women in their 40s (or older) who date significantly younger men, generally at a 10-year age gap or more. Pop culture paints the cougar as predatory and pathetically desperate, but women have recently begun fighting the stereotype: real cougars, they argue, are confident, successful, women over the age of 40, who — tired of unromantic and narrow-minded men their own age — date younger, more active and more adventurous men… How to Date a Cougar

I never found out his age until I was an adult myself. At first, I was shocked — Mum had a toy boy. But this toy boy was more man than most I have ever met. Indeed, he was a true gentle-man.

So what happened to him.

I wish I knew.

He landed some kind of promotion and had to move to Canada. We received a few cards and gifts but then we all got on with separate lives.

It took me a while though. In fact, I never ever accepted another one of Mum’s boyfriends and when I eventually acquired a stepfather I wished that job had gone to Iain.

Where ever he is now, I hope he’s happy and well

My Mum certainly made Iain say Mmm :-)

Mmm Mondays — Submission Guidelines

What makes you say Mmm?

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