Mmm Mondays, Memoir

The Big O: Meg Ryan Faked It — How About You?

Do you think someone like me, who writes candidly and believes in truth and freedom, would be as dishonest as to fake an orgasm?

The Big O…

Orgasms definitely make you say ‘Mmm’, and lots of other made up words such as… ahhgh, uhuh, huhuh. Too many to mention.

It seems we all have our own individual vocabulary when it comes to our moment of climax. But what about if you decided to fake the big O and pretend you had arrived? Would the noises be the same? I think yes, they probably would, with a pinch of exaggeration too. Just to make sure your loved one does not suss that you are basically acting like Meg Ryan did in her famous scene for the movie, When Harry Met Sally, and faked it.

When you think about it, pretending that you are having an orgasm is a funny thing and more than likely different depending on gender: probably a simpler operation for women than men, for obvious reasons. But what kind of people would do such an underhand act?

Do you think someone like me, who writes candidly and believes in truth and freedom, would be as dishonest as to fake an orgasm? And if so what would lead me to pursue such a double-dealing act?

Well, let’s start at the beginning…

In the beginning

By the time I first started having PIV sex I was no stranger to enjoying mind-bending, body tingling orgasms. I’d been masturbating since I was... too young to mention here! So being fucked simply became another way for me to get the addictive — climax — fix.

Jim was the first to be given that job. And certainly didn’t disappoint. His cock was over-sized, although I didn’t realise until I moved on to other men.

Jim was up for anything. Always ready to rock n roll. It was easy to rely on him to hold back until I climaxed. Often, before meeting me of an evening, he had a hand shandy :-). And even when he did reach the finish line first, within a short time he was ready for another shot at the target. Yeah, youth.

Then, there was Vic. Having been best friends since we were fourteen it was easy to slot quickly into quite an exciting sex life. So, by the time I started my ill-fated relationship with Seb I had become a bit of a premature ejaculater — I orgasmed quickly during any sexy action — although obviously I didn’t have a manly mess to clear up, although I have been known to squirt now and then.

There were a few other comings and goings with guys, shorter relationships but I never had any problems taking my own pleasure from the act. I was confident and because of my past history saw sex as sex. I didn’t want/need to attach ribbons and bows to it.

Indeed, at this point in time, I can’t remember ever having faked an orgasm. But perhaps my memory is playing tricks with me. Or maybe being young, with all its merits, meant tiredness and stress never wore me down enough to even consider such a thing.

But then the sex resulted in procreation, and over the next few years I gave birth to two children.

Getting older

Things changed. Though I don’t believe this has to be the case but circumstance found me masturbating regularly rather than having any sexual interaction with another person for quite a few years.

When I got together with Mr A — who I met online before that sort of thing was common place — I was in the throes of motherhood with all its trappings. After a while his incessant need for intercourse, along with an extreme amount of tension from life’s trials and tribulations, wore me down.

I don’t remember the first time it happened but I do know I was probably thinking to myself —

I’m tired, I wish he would simply get on with it, then we can both get some rest.

So, intentionally I let out a few oohs, ahhhs, mmms and added a little thrust of the hips and shudder of my body.

Ta-dah!

I was faking it like Meg Ryan.

Mr A let himself off the hook, climaxed, and we both rolled over and slept. A good result for him and me.

Once faked, it’s easy to repeat. And my relationship with Mr A lasted well past its sale by date. Compatibility was not high. In the end, I could hardly bear to lay next to him at night — resulting in me feeling crap about sex anyhow. I will admit however, that now and then my body just couldn’t help itself. On these occasions, I would climax as quickly as possible. But if the urge was nowhere in sight, I called in my newly found acting skills and well… Bobs your uncle.

My Partner

After Mr A, my partner and I became a couple. We had a dalliance shortly before I had my kids and I’d never really forgotten the strength of the attraction between us. When we finally got together, my body felt like it was in a constantly aroused state. I adored any naked time we had together — heart, body and soul. However, on a couple of occasions in the early days, I was so wound up with anticipation, expectation, want, you name it — way more than I had ever experienced before — that I just could not climax. What to do? Wanting him to feel good about us and what we did, I faked it. However, I remember not being content unless he reached his peak. Then I was happy for the pair of us.

I can honestly say this didn’t happen much. As we became closer and time passed I relaxed more and on those occasions when it felt like we were simply chasing the pleasure, I learned to say,

“nah, its not going to happen tonight.”

Reasons to be cheerful

There it is — In the past I have faked my orgasm — but for quite valid reasons, in my opinion:

• I wanted to get the act over and done without discourse.
• I felt too hyped and didn’t want to hurt my lover's feelings.

Now, I’m done with faking it. If it happens — Hallelujah — if not then I enjoy the ride anyhow… as

in my opinion it’s not necessary to climax to have a really sexy, enjoyable time.

Indeed, some of my favourite sexual moments have been when I haven’t orgasmed.

What about you?

Marsha Adams, Evie Dawn & Caffeline

More faking it fun from Posy Churchgate - Writes & Edits Fiction

Also, from me on Mmm Mondays

Join us on Mmm Mondays with whatever makes you say Mmm…