Men, We’re Simply Asking You to Hold Yourselves Accountable.

Why do men ignore women spelling out precisely what they want?

Then gaslight them and tell them it’s their fault they can’t find a man worth dating?

I constantly come across Instagram Reels and TikToks with excerpts of podcasts speaking about the dating landscape.

Many of those podcasts are hosted by men who are always complaining about women not being like the wives of the 50s and 60s, and it’s, for this reason, the dating landscape is crap.

I’m not here to say all women are innocent. I’ve met my share of delusional women who think that just because they are pretty (or believe they are), they deserve a man who will bring the world to their feet.

On the other side of the same coin, I’ve seen equally delusional men who think that just because they are an ‘alpha male’ (or believe they are), they deserve a woman who will give up everything for them.

Here’s the truth — neither of these things exist!

These men and women are waiting for a fictional partner that will never arrive.

These men and women pick and choose traits and characteristics as if they were at a Build-A-Bear and create the ‘perfect’ man or woman in their minds.

But in reality, there’s no such thing as the ‘perfect’ partner or relationship.

I know this because I’ve been in a relationship for over a year and a half, and I’ve had to learn that no one is perfect (including myself and my partner), and we need to make a daily effort to understand and work with one another.

I’ve noticed many women choosing to do the work to heal their traumas, set higher standards for themselves (and the people they allow in their lives), strive for higher goals, speak up for themselves, and set boundaries.

Many men aren’t doing the same.

I’ve witnessed men posting on forums and other social media platforms complaints about how women are choosing not to interact with them. If they are, they set very clear boundaries about what they are comfortable with and what they aren’t.

And all I can conclude is this — these men are acting like five-year-olds whose toys have been taken away, and now they’re throwing a temper tantrum.

But, because these men are adults, not kids, no parent or guardian is present to educate them and tell them that’s not how things work.

And since they aren’t doing any self-development work, they have zero self-awareness to realize this is how they behave.

So, men, how can you start bridging the gap you see in the dating world?

1. Educate yourselves about the reality of marriages and dating of the past.

I was very curious about this and decided to research it because I fell for the trap of thinking that marriages were happier and healthier just because the divorce rate was lower a few decades ago.

Although that could be true to a certain degree, feminism isn’t the only reason why marriages and relationships are not lasting the way they used to.

Here are some things I learned that make us think marriages were better in the past. But in reality, they were masking darker truths.

No-fault divorce was not an option.

This means that if a woman wanted to get divorced, she had to prove that her husband was abusing her.

Here’s the darker truth: if it could be proved, what makes you think that a male judge (who probably had even more orthodox values) was going to let a woman divorce her husband because he was beating her?

Who in her community would stand up for her and with her? Who in her family would denounce her husband’s abuse? Odds are very few people, if not no one.

Many women were forced to stay trapped in abusive marriages.

Women couldn’t legally own assets under their name.

For a very long time, women weren’t able to hold assets.

This includes the marriages men love to reference so much.

Women needed the permission of a male, whether a father or husband, to open up something as basic as a bank account.

So what did this mean? The darker truth is women could not leave abusive or unfaithful marriages if they wanted to because there was no way to support themselves if they left their husbands.

They had to stay. Otherwise, the roof over their heads, the food in their stomachs, and the clothes on their bodies would disappear, and there would be no way for them to get that on their own.

Many women chose to stay married because it was better than the prospect of homelessness.

Here’s the one we’ve all known, yet we ignore it when we have conversations about marriage.

Marriage has been used as an economic and political tool for ages!

For women, marriage was a strategic financial decision because of the very point above.

Women couldn’t own assets under their name, so they had to marry someone to whom those assets could be passed.

It wasn’t until recently (the seventies) that women were allowed to hold anything under their names without the permission of a male.

And since women are human beings with hopes, dreams, and aspirations, many took to this new right and opportunity and did something with it.

2. Stop victimizing yourselves and accept that things have changed — learn to adapt.

Too many men, instead of accepting the reality of current circumstances, adapting, and evolving, are complaining and complaining.

The dating landscape has changed whether we like it or not (I’m not a fan of it either).

The internet and social media have played an enormous role in this, and mostly, not in a good way.

We can talk about everything that isn’t right until we all go blue in the face.

No matter how much we discuss this, everything will stay the same unless we first accept that we only have control over what we do.

This is why I chose to get counseled. Because my life, my environment, and my circumstances were never going to change unless I changed first.

Which leads to my next point.

3. Seek counseling/therapy.

Men, you need to educate yourselves about yourselves.

In therapy, I had to face my traumas, my inner demons, and the bad and self-sabotaging habits this created.

I had to look at myself in the mirror and hold myself accountable for what I was complaining about but doing absolutely nothing to change.

We women (the ones who’ve chosen to get help and heal) need you to do the same if you truly want a happy, lasting relationship and marriage.

Learn crucial skills like self-awareness and self-reflection.

They will not only positively impact your dating life, but you will also reap tremendous benefits in every other area of your life.

Realize who you’re surrounding yourselves with.

If you truly want a happy, lasting marriage, you must surround yourself with people who want the same.

This is something my boyfriend tells me all the time. He made the conscious decision to change many aspects of his life when he decided to pursue a serious relationship with me, and so did I.

This is one of the foundational steps to keeping a relationship — compromise and change.

If you choose not to change for the better, to make small sacrifices so the relationship can thrive, you are not ready for a relationship, and you need to be honest about that.

Men, realize what it is that you genuinely want.

Do you want casual hookups? Or do you want a partner? Do you want a maid? Or do you want a wife?

These things are vastly different.

Once you decide what you want, make the necessary changes to become the man and the person who can keep these things.

Because it’s not just about getting through the wedding; It’s about getting through the rest of your lives together for better or worse.