We Need to Let Go of The Fantasy of ‘The Perfect Romance.’

We’re still suffering from the ‘the grass is greener’ complex.

While talking to my mother this afternoon, I was able to admit that I occasionally suffer from fantasizing about the perfect romance — I'm still selling myself the idea that there is a ‘perfect’ and ‘ideal’ romantic life, like the ones we see in novels and movies.

After sharing my thoughts and worries with her, I realized many of us throw away good relationships and partners because of this constant chase towards romantic perfection.

Even though it’s unnerving for me to share this, since it’s an intimate thought, it’s vital to recognize and voice it. Otherwise, how can I grow?

How can we grow?

Unfortunately, the world we live in today glorifies hook-up culture.

It’s harder to be in a committed relationship today than ever before.

We’re constantly bombarded with messages that tell us we should opt for situation-ships and casual sex and only do whatever we want to satisfy our desires, never thinking about how our words and actions affect another human being.

We’re sold that convenience is what we should strive for.

But the reality is love takes work. Genuine love is work.

Feelings are fickle and fleeting — those who have successful marriages and relationships will tell you that not every moment is roses and rainbows.

The reason we admire these relationships isn’t because they are perfect. It’s because they’ve overcome enormous challenges.

Despite everything that could go wrong and has gone wrong, those two people chose to keep fighting for each other and fighting towards a common goal — a united partnership.

We’ve been desensitized to think sex work is just another profession.

Plenty of people will give me hate for this, but that’s fine because it’s the truth.

Even though sex work and prostitution are among the oldest professions, it doesn’t mean it’s good or right or appropriate in any way, shape, or form.

It’s given way to pornography, which has become a massive issue for men and women today.

According to an article published by Utah State University, some of the effects of porn include addiction, isolation, increased aggression, and distorted beliefs/perceptions about relationships and sexuality.

We’re feeding a monster that's consuming our ability to feel connected and intimate with another human being.

We’re robbing ourselves of the imperfect yet beautiful romantic experience of being in a committed relationship.

We think we’re living life to the fullest, but what we’re doing is living as selfishly as possible.

We need to stop romanticizing and idealizing what’s not real.

The truth is porn is not real. That’s why they are called porn actors and actresses. Their job is to put on a show.

Novels and movies are not real, either.

Are the feelings of love real? I believe those are, but as I said, imagination and emotions are fickle and can make us think that there’s more or better out there.

Usually, there isn’t.

I want to clarify that any abusive or neglectful relationship falls outside of this.

I’m talking about relationships where one or both partners feel bored or the relationship is stagnant and the ‘spark’ they once had is gone.

If you’re in a relationship with a decent human being who cares about you, your loved ones, and your goals and wants to grow with you, you’re in a good place.

Honestly, you’ve hit the jackpot because most people don’t think about their partners this way today. Many people no longer admire commitment, loyalty, honesty, and growth.

If you have a person like this in your life — if their mindset is one of facing challenges and growing together and building a life together, know you already have what it takes to make it through any issue you come across in your relationship (except infidelity — this shatters the foundation of the relationship).

We have to be more careful and vigilant about the content and information we consume.

Music, movies, books, novels, social media, heck, even friends and family who we let influence our thoughts and who we take advice from.

We have to guard our hearts and minds more than ever before.

Not everyone has good advice to give or even applicable advice.

Some people don’t give advice to help. They give it to have their way.

As sad as this is, it’s true, and this is why keeping your relationship and its struggles private is crucial for its success.

Your struggles as a couple should only be shared with people you have the utmost respect and trust toward — I learned this lesson the hard way.

Too many times, we’re walking a fine line with our morals.

We think that because something is legal or common, it’s okay to do it. Just because you can, though, doesn’t mean you should.

Instead of living in an impossible fantasy land and constantly thinking that your relationship and life will never reach that ideal, make a conscious choice to live in the present and do what you can to make your life and your relationship the best it can be.

I’ve been doing this recently, and I feel more connected, more loved, and in love than I have.

When you start putting that kind of energy and effort toward your relationship and partner, there’s no way both of you won’t flourish.