Medium Publications by Illumination Writers

Introduction to Dad-Bods

A publication by @chuckroast61

My name is Charles “Chuck” Roast and I fancy myself a writer of the extraordinary. I turn banal incidents into humorous interactions, common sense into no sense, and mature thoughts into satirical juvenile meanderings.

At least, that’s what I hope I do. I like to write “boobies” and “penis” and “poop” in my articles. But I shy away from saying words and names for the female, er, you know, um, lower “body part.” (And, no, not “legs.”)

I am also fairly irreverent, not to be confused with the movie, “Revenant,” or the meaning of “revenant,” though lately I feel more “revenant” than “irreverent.”

*Sigh* See, now even I am confused.

I guess you could say I’m a bit immature. But, hey, that’s life. If people can’t have fun, fuck ’em. Oops. I mean f!#k ’em!

Now, I’d like to thank the academy for making me the top writer every where. Then, I’d like to thank the Doc for the invitation to discuss my Publication, Dad-Bods. Even though, really, it was a general call to all owners, I like to think he was talking directly to me.

Let me get right to the point:

First: I only have 53 followers(I actually got 3 new ones this week, thanks to new stories by Kristi Keller and Brett Chrest), but they are the best followers in the world. But I need more, so please follow Dad-Bods.

B. I want to grow my Pub, so I need more stories. . .please contribute.

3. After I answer the points expressed by the Doc in his invitation, you’ll know more of what I am looking for. . .so here goes.

The purpose of the publication

Originally, the purpose of the Pub was for me to become world famous and Dad-Bods the largest Pub on Medium, showcase my own award winning stories, and make lots of money. Unfortunately, the Doc stole all my ideas before I could even think of them, and beat me to it.

But I will become the “Mini-Me” of Doc, and try it on a smaller scale. Doc still teaches me something new every day.

Instead, Dad-Bods has been gently and slowly evolving into, well. . .still a dream. I have spent so much time writing for other Pubs that I have neglected Dad-Bods. And for too long.

Now that the marital property issue has been “settled” and I am moving into my own space (for the first time ever), I am ready to commit to more time writing, to Dad-Bods, and to my new and world-famous soon-to-be-started podcast.

The Doc’s invitation and Medium’s new POS TOS (Piece of Shit Terms of Service)have re-energized me to make a go of it again, and to really focus my efforts on giving Dads with bods, and honorary Dad-Bods, a place to write and showcase pertinent information and humor to help us Dad-Bods out.

To make a long purpose shorter, here is an excerpt from one of my stories, where I describe what being a Dad-Bod is all about:

So, as far as my definition of Dad-Bods? It’s not just about a physical shape, it’s about a life experienced; it’s about changing for the good; it’s about re-charging and taking control of your life; it’s about re-discovering empathy and love; and, it’s about acceptance and mindfulness. Oh, and great barbecue!

You’ll find that quote here:

Publication scope

I don’t know what this means, but I think it ties in with it’s purpose. Bottom line: anything that helps single dads, married dads, or depressed dads, or happy dads, or divorcing dads, will fit. I especially like positive, encouraging stories from women who truly appreciate men and the issues they face in today’s world. Humor, of course, is always welcome. I even have a section for recipes. . . “easy” recipes. Oh, and fiction. I love fiction (since that’s what my life is based on — one big, fat LIE!)

The target audience

Everyone, of course! Young men, especially, need to see what’s gonna happen to them when they get a little older and busier.

How to write for this publication

Everyone is welcome to write for us! Just write something related to my topics and be kind.

It’s really simple, although I made my article on submissions way to complicated. I will be rewriting that, by the way.

But here’s what you do. Go to Dad-Bods, and read the topics, some of the stories, and the submission requirements. Then forget all of that, and just follow normal Medium submission rules and stay on topic. Use one of the topics as one of your tags. Don’t plagiarize and don’t violate copyright laws. . . Holly Jahangiri is watching. Read her stories to understand better. She has a way of ‘splaining things that makes complicated issues easier to understand.

Email your first submission to me as a draft unless you are already a writer for the pub. If you are not, after your first article is approved, I will make you a writer for Dad-Bods, and you will submit the usual way. Make sure you enable the messaging part so I can send editing suggestions.

I have only rejected one submission, ever. So, write a great story, and you will be published. I’ll even work with new writers to understand formatting and Medium publishing rules, as well as a few tips on writing humor.

Editing. I have made a commitment to edit properly. Well, as best I can. I’m just a simple idiot with no proper training, but I can spot some things. Some simple grammar or structural issues, I may make without asking, but will tell you later. But major ones, I will always suggest changes with respect. If you get offended by editing suggestions, you probably shouldn’t submit unless you think your story is perfect the way it is (tee-hee!). Read these stories by your’s truly(me). They will help:

At some point soon, I will have my new related podcast up and running. I am very close. I anticipate starting to record around first week in September. Writers for Dad-Bods will be included in the interview line-up, if they want, and can push books, and maybe read one of their favorite articles.

My first couple of shows will probably be me reading my stories, singing my own songs, commenting on current events, and just generally trying to find my voice before I start interviewing people. I may even cry a little.

But remember. I am Charles “Chuck” Roast. I didn’t choose that name on a whim. Come prepared to have some fun, mostly at the expense of you and others!

Links and samples

I have been writing humor and satire since before the beginning of time, which, because of the virus, started around January of 2020. In that time frame, I have been “awarded” Top Writer status several times in humor and satire.

I have been curated only once(see below), and that was for a serious poem. Go figure. I think P.G. Barnett and I are on the same “list.” Good company at least. You should hear the stories he tells while he is sitting on the exposed toilet in the middle of a cell full of the “curation-jailed.” Funny, poignant, sad, all of them excellent! It’ll only cost you a spare square or two from your own supply of toilet paper.

Dad-Bods’ first curated article came from the very faithful and funny Brett Chrest. Brett keeps submitting these very funny, clean, humorous stories about his life as a stay at home dad. They are a perfect fit for Dad-Bods. They are also very good. Why he keeps submitting to me instead of other, more popular pubs, I’ll never know, but I am grateful. He even appreciates the edits I give him. Here are some of his stories:

Other writers who have contributed include Kristi Keller Julia E Hubbel Lisa Bolin J.A. Taylor Timothy Key Kim McKinney CJ Kowalski Kasendwysong and of course, me, Charles Roast. If I missed you on his list, it was unintentional.

Future Plans

Yes, the future. Written on a stone that was dropped by the Fates and shattered into a million pieces.

I will be reorganizing the stories into their proper categories, I will be adding my own article that contains links to all of my own stories, I will be publishing more of my own stories to Dad-Bods, and I am hoping to start a newsletter for my followers. For stories published in Dad-Bods, there should be a link on the story to sign up for my Dad-Bods newsletter. You know, the one Medium just added, or upgraded, or, whatever.

Conclusion

So there you have it. Simple, clean, straightforward begging for more followers and stories.

How can you resist? (Don’t argue. . .you can’t resist.)

Mental Health is more important today than ever. If you are feeling down, reach out and talk with someone. I hope you got a laugh out of this, and it helped lighten your mood.

Chuck Roast is a writer, author, word generator, hack, scribbler, literary genius, penman, scribe, litterateur, poet in residence (my house), satirist, and humorist (“humourist” for those of you who like the “incorrect” spelling)for Medium and the publication Illumination, among others, a Top Writer in Satire and Humor, owner/editor/writer of his own Publication, Dad-Bods, which is currently seeking followers and writers.

His only curation, in Poetry, for his poetic story, Remember the Founders and Their Reasons. He has also been twice published on the website, goodmenproject.com.

Here are the links to his accounts, LinkedIn, Twitter. Comments are always appreciated. Thanks for reading. Write On! Write well, write good, and write enough!

Please comment! I’d love to hear from you!