I Refuse To Work Ever Again
It’s out of the question.
I won’t deny that I am extremely privileged and some people might not like it. I had the freedom to give up my job to explore and pursue what I like to do with no added pressure financially to pay for the usual — bills, mortgage, etc.
So because of this, I took it.
I grabbed the opportunity by its throat and ran off with it like Aladdin with the bread in the market.
I’ve Never Liked To Work
I’ve liked the idea of work — don’t get me wrong. I imagined having a career in the city and taking the title of Busy and Important. I daydreamed about clients and colleagues contacting me at all hours of the day to ask for my help. I envisioned being a boss woman — independent, listened to, powerful.
But the reality was far from this. My personality didn’t just naturally fit the characteristics of a Busy and Important woman. My history proves that I’m outspoken for the wrong reasons and too insecure to talk about things that matter. Impostor syndrome was by far the largest theme in my life when it came to working. I didn’t try anything remotely daring because I was too scared to fail.
I’d wake up nervous, dreading every single day at work.
I resented working towards other people’s goals but I didn’t give myself the right form my own.
I felt unmanageable because of the micromanaging culture in one or two of the jobs I was in. I craved autonomy, but I didn’t know I could have it. I simply didn’t get along with office work, although I tried for years to force myself to.
“Don’t Live To Work — Work To Live”
This is probably the most hypocritical piece of advice I’ve ever had in my entire life because it’s uttered mainly by those trapped in the neverending loop of work, eat, (drink), sleep, repeat.
It’s also the most ironic bit of wisdom I’ve ever received for its piercing presence in our society, pushing us further into a programmed pattern full of mundane habits, focused on the maintenance of the economy.
The proof of this has never been louder to me — when in the UK, everything is back to normal despite the rising numbers in Covid-19 cases (28,000 just yesterday, FYI). To compare, New Zealand went into a full lockdown with just one single case.
Priorities.
I actually believed in this saying, though. I practised it like a religion — I would get through each working day, looking forward to Friday drinks with colleagues and a weekend abundant with sleep, good food, and social events. I’d count down to the long weekends away and the yearly vacations at Christmas and in the summer.
The rest of the year didn’t matter so much. I lived my life in the future — planning this or that, and only enjoyed a handful of moments throughout it.
Sound familiar?
That’s what the attitude “work to live” gets you. A couple of memories from nice vacations enjoyed, but uneventful living the rest of the year.
And the saying “don’t live to work” is vastly misunderstood, too, because we are made to think that we aren’t supposed to enjoy our jobs and thus, can’t make them our life.
Becoming a mother clarified it all for me and more.
My Son Taught Me To Just Live
Having a baby and getting through the really tough days showed me something a lot more valuable than I could’ve ever imagined:
You’re not supposed to work at all.
You’re supposed to love what you do every single day. In the cheesiest, most honest, purest way possible. If you’re rolling your eyes at me for stating the obvious or for thinking I’m naive, then you need to hear this the most.
So hear me out.
My son proves that happiness is within everyone and it is beaten out of us as we grow up.
Dancing and bopping his head to music from when he was just months old. Smiling as he feels the breeze hit his face. Getting excited for a chocolatey treat after lunch. Watching him enjoying life so mindfully, at such a young age.
Because kids are naturally happy for the basics and that’s how it should be.
Unhappiness is nurtured into people as we grow up when we are told to stop playing in class, or to be quiet around our peers. It’s society that turns the mundane into boring, and education that turns fun into serious. And the cherry on top, we are literally taught to not enjoy life and that we should instead settle. That’s why I literally took the first job offer that I got when I came out of college.
I felt relieved to have ticked another box in the table of expectations but I didn’t feel fulfilled.
But Having Fun Is Serious Business
I literally cried tears of joy the first time I slept through the night again, after months of sleep deprivation when my son was born. Today, I look forward to going to bed and enjoying a good night’s sleep every single day and I feel this complete joy when I snuggle into the covers.
You don’t understand how much we take for granted — becoming a mother taught me the power of gratitude.
I had a lot of dark days during those first few months of motherhood. I battled loneliness and probably a little depression and anxiety. But I took the little parenting victories and put them in my pocket to treasure at my lowest points.
The smell of my son’s baby hair as I took him into my arms at 4AM. His giggles as I tickled his tummy with a feather. The tremendous laughs that burst out of him as he splashed the water in his baby bath. My ability to cook an awesome meal while carrying him as he napped on my chest.
I learned to find good in bad. In turn, bad turned into good.
It’s just as important to acknowledge the good parts of your everyday life as it is to pay your taxes.
Enjoying the mundane is as essential as water.
I have many favourite parts to my everyday life today.
The peaceful hour at 5 AM when I get up to write while I watch my 2.5-year-old sleeping through the monitor. The mornings that I take my son to the local farm, where we get muddy and dirty, and I watch him run around freely without a care in the world. The moments where I comfort my son with a tight hug, knowing that someday those hugs won’t voluntarily come as easily anymore. The times when I manage to help him come out of a tantrum without getting angry.
I can go on:
The TV shows that the hubby and I watch in the evenings and take conversations about them to crazy levels, inspiring new principles and unforgettable life lessons.
The pillow talk. The jokes. The morning coffee. My two awesome cuddly cats. My entire home. My current pregnancy. Everyday life for me, is friggin’ good.
I have fun every single day and I don’t want that to change.
It is because of this I will never go back to work. I refuse to give up my enjoyment of life.
But I don’t mean that I won’t grind on my goals or my money-making aspirations. Far from this.
Changing Our Perspective Towards Work
For as long as I consider “work” to be bad, I will never do it again. The goal is to eventually feel great about the word, but that’s still a work in progress for me, pun intended.
The term “work” is mostly negative where I’m from. It’s one of the inevitable musts in life. One of the accepted life injustices people get through in order to survive. Associated with the many pressures and responsibilities that are heavily linked to burnout and anxiety.
I have chosen to view a job differently. I have two jobs right now, but I won’t call them jobs because they’re my life and I do them wholeheartedly. I’m a stay-at-home mother, and I’m a writer/creator.
Never have I felt happier. Because I feel that what I do matters and it adds value to my life. That’s what it should all be about.
And whatever I choose to do in the future to dedicate my time to, I won’t call it “work”. I will call it my passion because nothing should be done with anything less than that.
You Can Do What You Want And Still Fulfil Your Obligations
I said I’m privileged because I’m able to pursue my dreams without the financial strains that a lot of people would go under if they tried. But don’t be too quick to write me off as a lucky, spoilt housewife just yet.
The thing is, I took an opportunity that would not have presented itself to me had I not looked for it.
Because opportunities can be relied upon somewhat.
You won’t believe the milestones I have reached simply because I gave myself a chance by believing in myself. I still can’t believe how far I’ve come not just with my writing, but in myself. I haven’t had a panic attack in over a year. I don’t feel nervous when I wake up in the mornings anymore. My fear levels have come down drastically. All during a pandemic, no less.
I’m telling you, if taxes are inevitable, make sure you think the same of opportunities.
Successful people and whole businesses rely on them. That’s why you’ll find that every sales team in the world uses the term “opportunity” in their daily vocabulary, meaning “potential sale”. And you’re as privy to them as anyone else.
So, become a little entitled and assume that opportunities will come flooding in if only you consider your wants and dreams as attainable.
They might come in the form of a grant to study part-time while you fulfil your current dead-end job. It might turn up as a promotion or job offer that’s better aligned with your wants. Maybe you’ll meet someone who knows someone. Maybe you can start creating something on the side and eventually that’ll turn into your main thing.
Consider those maybes to be musts. Something must happen in order to help you achieve what you want if you assume that it will. Don’t be put off by the amount of time it might take and just keep going.
Start by replacing the word “work” with “passion”. Do everything you do with a little more joy and think about the moments that you enjoyed each day every day because there is magic even in the mundane.
Takeaway
Motherhood is the best job in the world. Because it challenged literally everything I had come to know and revealed to me that we are supposed to love the mundane and look forward to the small things.
My son taught me to enjoy the present with deliberate and wholehearted joy and mindfulness. I must teach him to nurture that into adulthood, and the only way to do that is with practice.
I can never miss the past or rush into the future. But I must show him how the process of learning and forming goals is just as enjoyable as achieving them.
And that’s why I can’t work again.
Sylvia Emokpae is passionate about self-love, relationships, and motherhood. See more work like this.