avatarColleen Sheehy Orme

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love.</b></p><p id="0040"><i>And permanence back to happiness.</i></p><p id="db24">And made me know the future was finally better than the past.</p><p id="c33e">Maybe it wasn’t strictly about him. Maybe it was that he shared a shifting moment in my life. He closed a heavy door I couldn’t move alone. He shut out a trauma I barely survived.</p><p id="3926"><i>And he made me understand something I’ve resisted.</i></p><p id="b9cf"><b>I need someone.</b></p><p id="4e91">I don’t want to need someone but I do.</p><p id="651b">I took pride in being alone and independent these past ten years. The five overly long and abusive divorce years and the time I’ve spent rebuilding my life.</p><p id="4ba7">If I’m honest, I think I thought being alone signified strength.</p><p id="2797"><b>I became emotionally unavailable.</b></p><p id="e88c"><i>There’s nothing enviable about that.</i></p><p id="dea5">Life isn’t meant for complete solitude. It’s meant to be a shared experience. We’re human and the human condition is heavy. We require others and we require support even when we proudly resist it.</p><p id="f8ad"><b>I will never regret letting that man into my life.</b></p><p id="5002"><i>No matter how short a time we shared.</i></p><p id="5252">I grieve him because I understand I was missing something before him. I was strong, resilient, and on my own. I was also walled off and afraid. I had no desire to make the same relationship mistakes.</p><blockquote id="644e"><p>I was half-happy.</p></blockquote><blockquote id="4bba"><p>I met him.</p></blockquote><blockquote id="277f"><p>And I was fully happy.</p></blockquote><p id="ce68"><b>I grieve him because he made me feel things again.</b></p><p id="c61e">The type of emotion I was desperately avoiding because it had brought me only pain. I didn’t want to experience that again. But he reminded me there’s a beauty in life that I had forgotten and was missing.</p><p id="9e4d">A beauty I had allowed one abusive man to steal from me.</p><p id="d673"><b>And a good man brought it back to me.</b></p><p id="2dd8">That is enough to let go of him. It’s enough to let go of my dating fantasy. I allowed myself this time because my heart couldn’t catch up with my head. I knew my 5-week guy, pool guy, and Bud Light guy was never coming back.</p><p id="b7dd"><i>I knew I wouldn’t see him again.</i></p><p id="bae3"><b>I’m finally letting go of my dating fantasy.</b></p><p id="b84a">I accept this too shall pass.</p><p id="60c6">I’ll never regret letting that man into my life but I have to let go of him.</p><div id="2a9d" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/there-were-2-men-in-my-life-who-couldnt-have-been-more-different-476ad21f78c8"> <div> <div> <h2>There Were 2 Men in My Life Who Couldn’t Have Been More Different</h2> <div><h3>I chose the wrong one</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*5YKlJXpSFYqNCx6oBKDrGg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="d97b" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-do-i-know-if-i-was-in-love-with-the-guy-i-was-dating-7877b31f2fda"> <div> <div> <h2>How Do I Know if I Was in Love With the Guy I Was Dating?</h2> <div><h3>People ask me if I think it was love or lust — here’s my answer</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*fsC3OAmEDFmb4XpfVpA5TQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="3c1e" class="link

Options

-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-friend-and-i-have-wildly-different-approaches-to-post-divorce-dating-2894cf21f135"> <div> <div> <h2>My Friend and I Have Wildly Different Approaches to Post-divorce Dating</h2> <div><h3>I told her may the best woman win</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*LRDSy-b8oQnEOooqKUr9VA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="a009" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/it-was-a-big-mistake-to-wait-this-long-to-date-after-divorce-fd5247c8cfa0"> <div> <div> <h2>It Was a Big Mistake to Wait This Long to Date After Divorce</h2> <div><h3>I was ridiculously nervous.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*EG4I8UBuzaLbQx_-g64TAw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="9676" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/is-it-shocking-im-seeing-a-guy-who-s-10-years-younger-than-me-66c6e452d319"> <div> <div> <h2>Is It Shocking I’m Seeing a Guy Who’s 10 Years Younger Than Me?</h2> <div><h3>Men do it all the time so why am I doubting myself?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*OPrRyR_A0GYBEyXmY_nT5g.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="3d08" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-discovered-one-thing-about-myself-while-dating-post-divorce-0d93385ece2a"> <div> <div> <h2>I Discovered One Thing About Myself While Dating Post-Divorce</h2> <div><h3>I have some emotional baggage I need to deal with.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*aoOgLj5CiQ81ADoAY_sw1w.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="007a" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/if-you-only-had-5-weeks-to-spend-with-someone-would-you-ebde31e72ca8"> <div> <div> <h2>If You Only Had 5 Weeks to Spend With Someone Would You?</h2> <div><h3>I decided one man made it worth the ride</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*PYsp3OBqFGOy94cK7oGJmg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="58bf" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-started-dating-and-realized-im-emotionally-unavailable-b80476e4981a"> <div> <div> <h2>I Started Dating and Realized I’m Emotionally Unavailable</h2> <div><h3>It was a surprise for this relationship columnist</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*BVmecSeFUxd5JvWplKs-8A.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

I Finally Let Go of My Dating Fantasy

Today I accepted the guy I fell for is never coming back.

Photo by Vlada Karpovich: On Pexels

To be fair, I knew it was a fantasy. I’m a pragmatic dreamer. I’m an optimistic realist. A logical girl with a business degree who never gave up on her journalistic goals.

I can only kid myself for so long.

I can’t lie to myself forever.

But I did allow myself time to grieve an unexpected man. A guy I never went looking for. A guy I never wanted to date. Even he doesn’t realize when he first asked me out I had zero interest.

I texted a few friends, “I met a nice guy. He’s fun and he asked me to grab some dinner but I don’t think I’m interested. I’m not sure I’m attracted to him.”

How could he know my initial feelings?

Especially, when they went wildly in a different direction.

The guy I wasn’t in the least bit attracted to…but that I liked because he was nice, joyful, and fun. He’s the same guy who suddenly became undeniably attractive.

I’m not sure how that happens.

You meet someone and you’re not interested.

A month later, you see them and can’t stop thinking about them.

But that’s the world of relationships. A world that can be inexplicably summed up and inexplicably confusing. It can make sense at times and make zero sense other times.

I’ve written a lot about my 5-week guy.

Sometimes I call him that or my pool guy or Bud Light guy.

We met at my pool on Labor Day. As I close out my chapter with him tonight, I think back to how it never should have happened. I wasn’t supposed to be there that day.

I went to my rooftop pool because I was waiting to hear from a friend.

She needed my help.

She texted me that it wasn’t a good day.

I had finished the two White Claws I brought and was ready to go home. I had only gone there as a diversion until I heard from her. But it was hot and I decided to jump in the pool before I left.

And there he was.

The guy who offered me a Bud Light and later, asked me to grab a meal.

I could never have known it would turn into a crazy 5-week adventure.

I could never have known that the girl who closed her heart after divorce, would give it away to a guy never meant to stay here or to have it. A guy who was destined to leave.

But I did.

I didn’t want him to leave.

I didn’t want to forget him.

It was five incredibly fun, funny, special weeks. It was the best possible re-introduction to love and life. I’m not saying I loved him then because I didn’t. But he made me believe in love again.

He made me believe in hope and all things good.

He made me believe in safety and good men.

It’s something divorce had robbed me of.

Maybe that’s why I have resisted letting go of my dating fantasy. Maybe that’s why I go to sleep at night still thinking about him. Maybe that’s why I tell myself he’ll be back one day. Maybe it’s less about him and more that he restored…

Goodness back to love.

And permanence back to happiness.

And made me know the future was finally better than the past.

Maybe it wasn’t strictly about him. Maybe it was that he shared a shifting moment in my life. He closed a heavy door I couldn’t move alone. He shut out a trauma I barely survived.

And he made me understand something I’ve resisted.

I need someone.

I don’t want to need someone but I do.

I took pride in being alone and independent these past ten years. The five overly long and abusive divorce years and the time I’ve spent rebuilding my life.

If I’m honest, I think I thought being alone signified strength.

I became emotionally unavailable.

There’s nothing enviable about that.

Life isn’t meant for complete solitude. It’s meant to be a shared experience. We’re human and the human condition is heavy. We require others and we require support even when we proudly resist it.

I will never regret letting that man into my life.

No matter how short a time we shared.

I grieve him because I understand I was missing something before him. I was strong, resilient, and on my own. I was also walled off and afraid. I had no desire to make the same relationship mistakes.

I was half-happy.

I met him.

And I was fully happy.

I grieve him because he made me feel things again.

The type of emotion I was desperately avoiding because it had brought me only pain. I didn’t want to experience that again. But he reminded me there’s a beauty in life that I had forgotten and was missing.

A beauty I had allowed one abusive man to steal from me.

And a good man brought it back to me.

That is enough to let go of him. It’s enough to let go of my dating fantasy. I allowed myself this time because my heart couldn’t catch up with my head. I knew my 5-week guy, pool guy, and Bud Light guy was never coming back.

I knew I wouldn’t see him again.

I’m finally letting go of my dating fantasy.

I accept this too shall pass.

I’ll never regret letting that man into my life but I have to let go of him.

Love
Relationships
Relationships Love Dating
Self
This Happened To Me
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