avatarColleen Sheehy Orme

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Abstract

8f">I knew it was a fantasy.</p><p id="1ead">But I allowed myself the time to dream it, digest it, and accept my reality. It seemed harmless. It allowed me time to let go. It suspended my tears and made peace with my reality.</p><p id="f2c6"><b>It was all good.</b></p><p id="675b"><i>But it’s time to move on.</i></p><p id="dd47">He made me happy enough to realize I wanted a relationship.</p><p id="8f62">Who knew? Not this girl. I had avoided men before him. I wasn’t interested in dating or online dating. But as I mentioned, deep down I did believe it might happen organically one day.</p><p id="b01f"><b>If I was going to meet a man.</b></p><p id="c8f6">That was MY preferred method.</p><p id="a797">My friend is looking to meet a guy organically too. She has the same preconceived online dating opinions I once had. She doesn’t like it. She doesn’t agree with it.</p><p id="ef0d">She doesn’t want any part of it.</p><p id="55b2"><i>I empathized with her and told her I once agreed with her.</i></p><p id="aae0">But I know at least six people who have found happiness through online dating apps. These are not casual acquaintances. These are good friends. I’m not talking short-term.</p><p id="7d3d">I’m talking about several marriages and long-term relationships.</p><p id="d609"><b>It’s hard to ignore.</b></p><blockquote id="4f9f"><p>“You do your thing,” I say. “And I’ll do mine.”</p></blockquote><p id="c2f0"><b>My friend laughs.</b></p><blockquote id="4895"><p>“Okay,” she says.</p></blockquote><blockquote id="947c"><p>“We don’t have to agree,” I say. “We can have different experiences and opinions and see what happens and learn from one another. I wanted to meet someone organically even when I told myself I wasn’t ready to date. In many ways, I was lying to myself. I don’t want to wait anymore. I want to meet someone who wants to meet someone. I’m ready to move on.”</p></blockquote><p id="a102">In short, I was saying I no longer had the patience for…</p><p id="96e5"><b>The organic dating route.</b></p><p id="ac8b">My friend does and that’s okay.</p><p id="5d82"><i>It’s a different dating adventure for all of us.</i></p><p id="22c3"><b>I told her may the best woman win.</b></p><p id="cc55">In reality, I hope we both do…But isn’t that the real fantasy?</p><div id="8b98" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-think-i-was-happier-before-i-started-dating-after-my-divorce-6e07add377d4"> <div> <div> <h2>I Think I Was Happier Before I Started Dating After My Divorce</h2> <div><h3>And I know why.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.co</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*-UcO8BBLfmCoHO0Wlwg2-w.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="439f" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-friend-chose-who-her-friend-should-date-and-marry-968c3a45b2e1">

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My Friend and I Have Wildly Different Approaches to Post-divorce Dating

I told her may the best woman win

Photo by Jep Gambardella: On Pexels

I’m chatting with my friend about dating after divorce. I get it. I understand how she feels. I used to feel the same way. Online dating and dating apps are unappealing.

Who wants to meet a guy that way?!

Not me!

Oh, wait…Yes, maybe me.

I’ve changed my mind. Doesn’t that fall somewhere under a girl’s prerogative? This initially snobby post-divorce girl found online dating appalling.

It seemed desperate and unattractive.

A world of hookups and lost love.

Not the way to meet a man who was looking for a woman beyond a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, or one night. It was the less attractive post-divorce dating option.

I was going to meet a man organically.

I was going to defy the odds.

Even I’m laughing at myself right now.

Why? Because it’s not that easy. It’s the fantasy version of divorce dating. I thought a hot guy (don’t find me shallow — and a good guy) was going to move in next to me.

I thought I was going to walk through my neighborhood and stumble upon him.

A man who happened to be walking his dog.

Or a guy who was asking for directions.

Or a guy who worked in our town center. Or a guy who was visiting a friend. Or a guy doing whatever. Or a guy at my pool (okay that’s a story for a different day) the smart-ass in me can’t resist including it. But you get the point.

I was a dating dreamer.

A perpetual fantasy thinker.

It’s my optimistic nature.

But it’s not easy to meet a man organically. It was in my twenties. Not so much at this age. I think what frustrates me most is that I had zero interest in dating after my divorce. I was looking for no one, nothing, nada.

Until one man ruined me.

I was a divorce virgin and he was my first divorce relationship.

If you can call it that it was short-lived.

But he left and he has me searching for love. Initially, he was my fantasy thinking and optimism. I hoped he would return. I dreamt he would get transferred back here.

I wished for all of the ways we would be together again.

I knew better.

I knew it was a fantasy.

But I allowed myself the time to dream it, digest it, and accept my reality. It seemed harmless. It allowed me time to let go. It suspended my tears and made peace with my reality.

It was all good.

But it’s time to move on.

He made me happy enough to realize I wanted a relationship.

Who knew? Not this girl. I had avoided men before him. I wasn’t interested in dating or online dating. But as I mentioned, deep down I did believe it might happen organically one day.

If I was going to meet a man.

That was MY preferred method.

My friend is looking to meet a guy organically too. She has the same preconceived online dating opinions I once had. She doesn’t like it. She doesn’t agree with it.

She doesn’t want any part of it.

I empathized with her and told her I once agreed with her.

But I know at least six people who have found happiness through online dating apps. These are not casual acquaintances. These are good friends. I’m not talking short-term.

I’m talking about several marriages and long-term relationships.

It’s hard to ignore.

“You do your thing,” I say. “And I’ll do mine.”

My friend laughs.

“Okay,” she says.

“We don’t have to agree,” I say. “We can have different experiences and opinions and see what happens and learn from one another. I wanted to meet someone organically even when I told myself I wasn’t ready to date. In many ways, I was lying to myself. I don’t want to wait anymore. I want to meet someone who wants to meet someone. I’m ready to move on.”

In short, I was saying I no longer had the patience for…

The organic dating route.

My friend does and that’s okay.

It’s a different dating adventure for all of us.

I told her may the best woman win.

In reality, I hope we both do…But isn’t that the real fantasy?

Love
Relationships
Relationships Love Dating
Self
Women
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