avatarColleen Sheehy Orme

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Abstract

l.</p><p id="a84b"><b>Before my 5-week guy ruined me.</b></p><blockquote id="b0a4"><p>And turned me into a divorced woman looking for love.</p></blockquote><p id="9b34">I’m cringing as I etch out these words on my keyboard.</p><p id="b6de">Say it isn’t so. The self-proclaimed happily single, bar-guy-adverse, dating-app-adverse woman isn’t really out searching for a man (aka…love) in all the wrong places. But she is.</p><p id="22c3">I am.</p><p id="60e8"><b>And again, I know why.</b></p><p id="021f">I just need to go back to that seemingly mature and harmless 5-week guy chat. Not the whole convo. Just one simple word.</p><p id="e9c3">EXPECTATIONS.</p><p id="4203"><i>I was happier before I began dating after my divorce because…</i></p><p id="c5b2"><b>I had no expectations.</b></p><p id="34bf">I wasn’t looking for anything. I didn’t want anything. I didn’t think I was missing anything. I didn’t desire anything. I didn’t go out looking for anything.</p><p id="f3f4">I didn’t want a man.</p><p id="77b7"><b>It was awesome.</b></p><p id="7a61"><i>I mean truly awesome.</i></p><p id="5bb0">But again, my 5-week guy ruined me.</p><p id="0d8b"><b>But don’t worry I’m recovering.</b></p><p id="13d6">Because remember I now go man shopping in bars.</p><p id="4820">My friend likes to tell the story of one of my first post-5-week guy adventures. It was about two months ago. My 5–week guy had just moved. It might have been a bit too soon for me to go out.</p><p id="793e"><i>My friend can’t tell the story without laughing.</i></p><p id="ae17">She thinks she’s hysterical recounting my antics.</p><p id="62e0"><b>To be fair, she is.</b></p><p id="ee0e">I laugh as hard as she does.</p><blockquote id="e0ab"><p>“You should have seen Colleen,” she says. “She was nothing like herself. She was all over the bar and she was saying, ‘We can’t stand here. We need to move around the bar. We can’t waste time. We need to go somewhere else that’s busier. We need to go to another bar’ And it didn’t stop there. Then Colleen says, ‘I’m not normally like this. I’m being quite bossy. But I need to find a man.’”</p></blockquote><p id="42e4"><b>I would like to say her story isn’t quite accurate.</b></p><p id="4fd1">But it is.</p><p id="d9a9">In my defense, it involved a recently broken heart and some alcohol. And maybe a misunderstanding with my 5-week guy.</p><blockquote id="8456"><p>And as I always say, “Drinking is a happy man’s game.”</p></blockquote><p id="400f">I probably should’ve stayed home and let the dating dust settle. Maybe just a wee bit. But time was a wasting as they say.</p><p id="2800"><b>I was a divorced woman looking for love.</b></p><p id="7824">I hate saying that.</p><p id="1601"><i>But now I have expectations…</i></p><p id="a9eb">And I am.</p><div id="60aa" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/im-going-into-the-new-year-trying-to-get-over-a-man-2803db98b9ae"> <div> <div> <h2>I’m Going Into the New Year Trying to Get Over a Man</h2> <div><h3>Will going out with a few new guys finally do it?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*xs5qtHt4HdZtT8EMXVnEBQ.jpeg)"><

Options

/div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="8646" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-didnt-go-through-a-wild-child-dating-phase-after-divorce-73c1229d2f71"> <div> <div> <h2>I Didn’t Go Through A ‘Wild Child’ Dating Phase After Divorce</h2> <div><h3>But it’s not uncommon and I’m wondering if I missed something.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*i7IN8UZ-ZcSquKIoiPPO3w.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="104b" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-first-broken-heart-after-my-divorce-6aa091efc88e"> <div> <div> <h2>My First Broken Heart After My Divorce</h2> <div><h3>Makes me want to say screw falling in love again.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*1lCwdR3ZI7mRlvcQzwKpew.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="a04a" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/divorce-made-it-too-painful-to-return-to-the-jersey-shore-6439872f9e9b"> <div> <div> <h2>Divorce Made It Too Painful to Return to the Jersey Shore</h2> <div><h3>But my ‘Bestie Sister’ was still waiting for me 10 years later</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*Qn5mb5eK_z69ku0kde3DbA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="8670" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-couldnt-give-up-on-my-husband-until-i-finally-could-8045b625a1ec"> <div> <div> <h2>I Couldn’t Give Up on My Husband Until I Finally Could</h2> <div><h3>This might be a clue you need to give up on your spouse too</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*YACGJ-gHUAjU1T6STLnStw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="ab50" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-kept-telling-my-husband-we-didnt-have-real-problems-d6f11c691b0e"> <div> <div> <h2>I Kept Telling My Husband We Didn’t Have Real Problems</h2> <div><h3>This incredibly painful thing made it so clear that I divorced him</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*zSwNv_nW6jw6r7ae9vmBGg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

I Think I Was Happier Before I Started Dating After My Divorce

And I know why.

Photo by Jonathan Borba: On Pexels

A few years ago I was out with one of my good friends. She’s been divorced for a while and wants to get remarried. Not me. At the time, I was happily single and carefree.

But she was consumed with one thing.

She was determined to have a meaningful relationship.

AKA…she wanted a man.

It was difficult to watch her angst. She wanted it that badly. I felt like it robbed some of her happiness. I wanted her to have fun, let it go, and let it happen.

I felt bad for her and relieved for me.

I wasn’t looking for a thing.

But today?

I barely recognize myself.

I’ve been shamelessly looking for a man since my 5-week guy left.

I’ve never scanned a bar before. Okay, well I have. But not because I was actually looking for someone. I go out with friends because I’m the overly social youngest of five…the female version of a good-time Charlie. A good time Charlotte.

NOT to meet a guy.

Yet here I am.

I think I was happier before I started dating after my divorce.

And I know why.

Ironically, a conversation I had with my 5-week guy has come full circle. It explains my sudden misery. Okay, that’s a bit dramatic. But it does put into words my dilemma.

And my recently developed ‘man shopping’ habits.

I think it may explain…

My advanced Manaholic ways.

I’m always in search of answers. So bear with me as I recount this particular exchange. It’s my 5-week guy and I discussing whether or not it’s a good idea to see each other for such a short amount of time.

I’m proud of us.

Seems mature, right?

We think so.

“What are your expectations?” asks my 5-week guy.

“I don’t really have any,” I say.

Now there’s the girl I remember.

There’s my good time Charlotte. She’s not looking for a thing. She’s happy and single, and solidly relationship-adverse. She’s entirely anti-commitment.

I might follow with a few things to that effect.

“I haven’t dated until now and I’m never getting married again,” I say. “I have zero expectations.”

My 5-week guy buys it.

Why?

Because it’s TRUE!

I meant it. Every single word. Those were the good old days. It was pre-dating divorce Colleen, aka Charlotte is still a really fun, happy girl.

Before my 5-week guy ruined me.

And turned me into a divorced woman looking for love.

I’m cringing as I etch out these words on my keyboard.

Say it isn’t so. The self-proclaimed happily single, bar-guy-adverse, dating-app-adverse woman isn’t really out searching for a man (aka…love) in all the wrong places. But she is.

I am.

And again, I know why.

I just need to go back to that seemingly mature and harmless 5-week guy chat. Not the whole convo. Just one simple word.

EXPECTATIONS.

I was happier before I began dating after my divorce because…

I had no expectations.

I wasn’t looking for anything. I didn’t want anything. I didn’t think I was missing anything. I didn’t desire anything. I didn’t go out looking for anything.

I didn’t want a man.

It was awesome.

I mean truly awesome.

But again, my 5-week guy ruined me.

But don’t worry I’m recovering.

Because remember I now go man shopping in bars.

My friend likes to tell the story of one of my first post-5-week guy adventures. It was about two months ago. My 5–week guy had just moved. It might have been a bit too soon for me to go out.

My friend can’t tell the story without laughing.

She thinks she’s hysterical recounting my antics.

To be fair, she is.

I laugh as hard as she does.

“You should have seen Colleen,” she says. “She was nothing like herself. She was all over the bar and she was saying, ‘We can’t stand here. We need to move around the bar. We can’t waste time. We need to go somewhere else that’s busier. We need to go to another bar’ And it didn’t stop there. Then Colleen says, ‘I’m not normally like this. I’m being quite bossy. But I need to find a man.’”

I would like to say her story isn’t quite accurate.

But it is.

In my defense, it involved a recently broken heart and some alcohol. And maybe a misunderstanding with my 5-week guy.

And as I always say, “Drinking is a happy man’s game.”

I probably should’ve stayed home and let the dating dust settle. Maybe just a wee bit. But time was a wasting as they say.

I was a divorced woman looking for love.

I hate saying that.

But now I have expectations…

And I am.

Self
Self Improvement
Love
Relationships
This Happened To Me
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