LGBTQIA+
How Drag Found My Gender
and showed me how to live authentically
I have a favorite drag queen. They were a finalist on the thirteenth season of Ru Paul’s Drag Race. They’re my favorite drag queen because they represent a minority within a minority. They represent a group of people I didn’t know existed. They represent ME.
Finally, the representation I needed
Love it or hate it, there is an undeniable artistry in drag. But what I’ve discovered now is something I never saw before and that is that drag is about representation. When one of my best friends, an openly gay cisgender man, told me there was a trans man on Drag Race, I rushed to my computer and binge watched the whole season over a few days. Gottmik had me enthralled because at the time I was still early in my gender-questioning journey — I had not yet reached any conclusions and I certainly hadn’t started my own transition. I had not yet come to the label I currently hold of non-binary. I was still so very unsure of myself. I still am, but I’m much closer.
Gottmik (she/her) is the drag persona of Kade Gottlieb (he/him), an LA based makeup artist and drag performer. He is the first trans man to compete on Ru Paul’s Drag Race and stands in the media for a vastly underrepresented and misrepresented community. Gottmik’s signature catchphrase, “Crash the cis-tem,” is a testament to Gottlieb’s desire to enhance visibility for the trans masculine community.
- Information above from Gottmik.com, 2021.
I was a late-bloomer
I’m what’s referred to in the trans community as a late-bloomer. Though there is no cut-off age for said title (or could I find a context appropriate definition), it seems to primarily refer to those who either:
- didn’t have the trans-normative narrative of knowing they were a ‘boy’ (or ‘girl’ for trans women) when they were still a child, or
- stayed in the closet (or went back into the closet) until well into their adult years
Of course, neither of these much account for the confusing non-binary experience of being neither girl nor boy, woman nor man. For us late-bloomers, it can be a sudden awareness after years of sensing something was not quite right, the ‘my egg cracked’ moment, and then an onslaught of realizations and exploration.
My egg cracked at 45 and one of the primary reasons I was such a late-bloomer was because of the heteronormative narrative I was securely snagged on. In my perceived cisgender heterosexual white woman privileged existence, I held the narrative belief that people transitioned to become straight. Yes, that heteronormative narrative.
In the realization and discovery that sexuality and gender are so utterly different (how was I so extremely blind and ignorant? Oh, right, societal assumptions and expectations), I finally had the opportunity, the allowance if you will, to look at myself and question my own gender.
How Kade Gottlieb showed me, ME
Seeing someone like Kade Gottlieb on popular media (and I am purposely referring to the the man behind the persona of Gottmik) was a crucial part of my own journey of exploration. I watched, transfixed, as I experienced someone who is trans masculine, someone who is queer (Gottlieb has shared he is pansexual), and someone who is embracing his femininity through a male lens. Watching Gottlieb on screen speaking as himself (out of drag) sharing a little of his past and going through trans-specific experiences that despite the platform and his status, I could still relate to, and then seeing him completely in himself, owning himself, and knowing his own truth, was truly calming and clarifying.
Gottlieb and Gottmik reminded me that masculinity and feminity are in themselves, social derivatives and the interplay between perception and expectations can be fun to mess with. Crash the cis-tem, right?
It’s just a label
Watching Kade Gottlieb and his drag persona, Gottmik, was a crucial element in defining my own labels. They helped me to understand that I can label myself as trans masculine, transition into the non-binary physicality and mentality that feels right, and yet still be okay with femininity. Gottlieb’s very existence crashed through those long held cis-het normative beliefs and told me, I am the only one that gets to define what masulinity and femininity mean to me.
In the recognition of my own breakdown of the binary of gender AND perception, I’ve been able to connect with femininity in a way I never could when I felt like it was forced upon me.
- Nail polish is not inherently feminine
- Makeup is not inherently feminine
- Dresses are not inherently feminine
It opens up a whole world of possibility and exploration.
How has drag art touched my life?
I imagine my position on this question is not at all typical and I love that. For me, drag, and specifically, a trans masculine drag queen, was crucial in my personal journey. I needed it. And I’m so glad it was there when I did. Kade Gottlieb is simply a man doing what he loves and crashing the cis-tem and I am there for it every step of the way. Because it is people like Gottlieb, those in the public eye, those encouraging true representation in popular media, that pave the way for a better future for the trans masculine community and hopefully, the trans community as a whole.
On a personal note, I am not cis, nor am I hetero, nor am I white, nor am I am woman. I am a trans-masc, queer, aboriginal, non-binary person. The key word here, is person.
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This story is a response to the Prism & Pen writing prompt, Let’s Talk About Drag! Pro, Con, in Between.
