TRANSGENDER
Trans =/= Straight
The rhetoric of the uninformed
Before my Egg Cracked
I’ll admit it, I believed trans equaled straight. I was very uninformed. And in that lack of understanding, my trans-egg lay dormant, waiting. Damn it!
So where did that stupid-ass belief come from? I’ve shared the origin in a previous article. Here’s the important snippet:
I knew a transgender woman when I was a teenager. She left school and tried to return a few years later post-medical transition. Her reception was nothing short of traumatic. That was my experience. Oh, and there is the little matter of the words: “That makes sense that he would want to be a woman, he wouldn’t want to be gay.” I know those aren’t the exact words I overheard (though I absolutely remember the misgendering), but the message was clear — transition is a ‘cure’ for homosexuality. Maybe if I had been attracted to the same sex, I wouldn’t have had this silly rhetoric stuck in my mind. I didn’t know I could be ‘straight’ (ew, wash it off) prior to transition and still be trans. My transgender language was non-existent and so was my understanding.
If you are interested, here is the full article:
And that stupid belief stuck, as stupid beliefs do until we realize they are stupid and eradicate them in all their stupid glory! And eradicate I did.
It started where I feel a lot of trans eggs begin to crack — with YouTube
Jamie Raines (aka Jammidodger). Yep — a trans-masc icon. That’s where it started and I don’t even know how. I don’t know what I was looking for but I do know that when I found Jamie, I went down the rabbit hole — for hours… days… weeks… months… How did that happen? But I was just interested, right? I’m a writer, I like knowing things.
From Jamie, it was an easy transition (pun totally intended) to Noah Finnce — a gay trans-man in a relationship with a cis-man. And down another rabbit hole I went.
I don’t think I was consciously aware as the egg began to crack because I had a huge personal barrier to bust through first. Back in February, I shared the first visible egg cracks in another article. I wrote:
There was something else that happened that I believe nudged my vanilla covered rainbow seed and prompted this deepest exploration: I yeeted my toxic family. (That’s the best way to say it because to say it in more serious terms gives it more weight than it deserves.) In a moment of saying, “You know what, that’s enough. I’m done,” I began to feel a freedom and a lightness I’d never experienced before. I felt light enough to see myself.
If you’re interested, here is the full article. I find it really interesting to read in reference to how far I’ve come now that I’m almost a week on T.
Embracing my queerness
I’m so glad I’ve documented this journey and I am continuing to do so. In my own exploration and in following others and learning about their own journies, I’ve been able to completely eradicate that old stupid notion that trans equals straight. Sexuality and gender are only related in terms of labeling, one has no direct impact on the other.
I shake my head at myself now because it’s so obvious, but I truly didn’t know because I had learned a false belief. It makes me wonder what other false beliefs I am still holding on to.
I’ve never been happier than since I recognized that I am QueerlyTrans!
