Five Warning Signs You Need to Take a Break From Dating Before You Damage Your Career, Your Mental Health, and Your Friendships

Dating with confidence series #7

You know you’d like a relationship, and you’ve been dating for a while. You’re doing all the right things.

Going on dating websites, asking your friends for introductions, and getting out and about hoping to meet someone new.

You haven’t had much success, though, and the whole thing is beginning to get you down.

Dating is fun, exciting and can open up a whole new world. It is also time consuming, confusing and depressing and you can’t do it long term without it taking a toll.

At some point, you need to have a break from dating before you drive yourself crazy.

I took regular breaks from dating when it all got too much. Sometimes as long as six months. When dating became appealing again, I re-activated my profiles on the dating apps and started again.

Here are five warning signs that you should have a break from dating and enjoy being single for a while.

1. Your work is suffering

If you’re staying up late at night checking online messages, sending smiles, and feverishly going through dating profiles, you’re not getting enough sleep.

This could affect your work and, therefore your income.

“We’ve all been there. I’ve done it myself, staying up till 2:00 o’clock in the morning chatting away to someone online. I soon learned that this didn’t suit me and stopped.”

If you’re getting tired or your sleep is suffering due to the amount of time you’re on the dating website, then it’s time to have a break.

You need to protect your income. You won’t be dating anyone if you lose your job.

2. You’re getting obsessed

Are you spending all day feverishly checking your phone to see if you’ve got a message?

Looking to see if you’ve got likes or how many people have viewed your profile?

Are you looking through profiles when you should be working or when you should be with your family or out socializing with your friends?

Every time you get a new message, you get a dopamine hit, and your body gets addicted to it.

“A dating app match will produce a dopamine “spike”; in other words, it will activate the dopamine pathways and produce a feeling of reward and happiness. However, those dopamine spikes appear in two ways.” — Here’s What Happens In Your Brain When You Get a Match On A Dating App, JR Thorpe, www.bustle.com

This is not good for many reasons. You are getting your dopamine highs from a make-believe situation.

If you’re getting obsessive about checking your dating apps, stop now and take a break.

The world won’t end if you take a couple of weeks or a couple of months away from the dating scene.’

3. People are upset with you

Have your friends or family complained that they haven’t seen much of you?

Would you rather stay indoors, checking out dating websites and chatting online to guys you hardly know rather than spending time with them?

Are you turning down invitations to go out with your friends to the cinema, to drinks, or even hop on zoom meetings?

Disgruntled friends and family are another sign you could be spending too much time on the dating site and not enough time enjoying your real life.

Prioritize the important people in your life, not the ones that haven proven themselves yet.

4. You’re getting depressed

You’re feeling lost, upset, and miserable.

You’re doing everything right but getting no results while everyone else meets their soulmate.

That’s probably not the case, but your judgment is skewed.

If your thoughts about dating are making you feel depressed or anxious then it is time to have a break and get a bit of perspective. And if you need help with depression or anxiety see your doctor or therapist straight away.

You’ve got lots of other things in your life such as your work, family, friends, hobbies, pets, and interests.

Concentrate on those for a while. Remember that having a partner doesn’t guarantee happiness.

Work to become content with the aspects of your life you can control for a while.

5. You can’t think straight

You don’t know what you want anymore. You’re so desperate that you’re willing to go on dates with anyone regardless of whether they meet your criteria.

You’re not sure whether you want to hold out for a long-term relationship, or whether you’ll just take the crumbs that anyone is willing to offer.

“Having limitless options isn’t always a good thing. The famous “jam experiment” found that grocery shoppers were more likely to make a purchase when presented with six jam options, rather than 24 or 30. The same concept may be true of dating apps, says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and chief scientific advisor for dating site Match. (Match Group owns Tinder.)

You meet so many people that you can’t decide and make no decision at all,” Fisher says. To keep yourself in check, Fisher suggests limiting your pool of potential dates to somewhere between five and nine people, rather than swiping endlessly. “After that, the brain starts to go into cognitive overload, and you don’t choose anybody,” she says. — How to Use Dating Apps Without Hurting Your Mental Health, According to Experts, Jamie Ducharme, https://time.com

You’re getting confused, tired, and you can’t think straight. Nothing makes sense.

If you you are losing perspective and getting confused about what you want, that’s a clear sign to take a break.

Summary

It’s OK to want a partner and set out to find one. It’s not OK to let your search spoil the good things in your life.

Obsessively dating and letting other areas of your life suffer will not make you an attractive prospect for a new partner.

Make sure that you are keeping a handle on your dating habits and not letting them take over your life.

We’ve all been there. I’ve done it myself, staying up till 2:00 o’clock in the morning chatting away to someone online. I soon learned that this didn’t suit me and stopped.

“If your thoughts about dating are making you feel depressed or anxious then it is time to have a break and get a bit of perspective. And if you need help with depression or anxiety see your doctor or therapist straight away.”

You must look after yourself. It’s vital when you’re single because there is no one else around noticing that you’re getting tired, cranky, and obsessive.

Watch out for any signs that you should take a break from dating and take good care of yourself.

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