Money, Sex & Religion: Three Topics You Must Discuss With Your Date Before It’s Too Late

Dating With Confidence #3

This is #3 in The Dating With Confidence Series. Check out #1 and #2 plus 22 more articles from the archives.

Three Topics You Need to Talk About Before It’s Too Late

So you’ve met someone new, and things are going great. You’re spending time together, getting to know each other, and you’re pretty sure this could be something serious.

But there are still a few things you need to discuss: money, sex, and religion. Believe it or not, these three topics can make or break a relationship — so it’s essential to talk about them before things go too far.

By discussing them openly and honestly, you’ll be able to avoid any surprises down the road. Plus, it’ll give you a better idea if your date is compatible with you on these critical issues.

“Your date may be fantastic, but are they so wonderful you want to give them half your assets if you break up in three years?”

If you fall for your date in a big way, have the conversation. Otherwise, you’ll end up in love with someone essentially incompatible with you. And we don’t want that to happen.

Money

Money is always a touchy subject, especially when it comes to relationships. But if you don’t talk about it early on, you may get a shock later.

Here is what you need to know:

Your date’s financial situation

If you are young and both have nothing, knowing how much money your partner has isn’t so important.

But if your financial situation is healthy and you have savings, a house, and a pension fund, you may want to find out what your partner has the same.

Money isn’t everything, but it can ruin relationships if one person has it and the other doesn’t. If your date is wealthy and expects you to spend as per their budget, that’s not going to work. If you try to comply, you could compromise your financial health.

Alternatively, you need to know if your date is broke, in debt, or bankrupt. Especially if you end up in a long-term relationship.

In NZ, if you are in a de-facto relationship with someone for three years, they get half your wealth. To overcome this, in NZ, there is an option to opt-out of the Relationship Property Act. Check out the law in your country to see what you could be up against if you end up with someone with no money.

Your date may be fantastic, but are they so wonderful you want to give them half your assets if you break up in three years?

I’ve had men ask me to meet for a coffee but say it can’t be until the end of the week because they have to wait for payday. Given I was dating men in their fifties, this wasn’t a good look.

Attitudes to money

You also need to know your date’s attitude to money. Are they are a spender or a saver? Do they view money as easy come, easy go or are they a miser?

Either end of the spectrum could be problematic to live with. I once dated a man who would work out the expenses on the date to the nearest cent and insist we tallied up at the end.

He freaked out once when we went to ‘cheap night Tuesday’ at the cinema, but the movie we watched was excluded from the offer.

You don’t want to end up with a man who either raids the joint bank account, leaving you unable to pay the bills or who insists on viewing every invoice for every item you buy.

Sex

You must always talk about sex with the guy you are dating — BEFORE things get too serious. It may seem like an awkward conversation to have, but trust me — it’s worth it.

Check out these two things:

Sexual preferences

Whether you are vanilla or embrace fetishes and kinks, get it out in the open. Dating certainly opened my eyes to what floats other people’s boats.

In my dating days, I met with a few men who liked to go to swingers clubs and a man into BDSM. That’s not my cup of tea, so we parted ways.

However, I know of people who have fallen for someone and were later pressured into sexual practices they weren’t comfortable with.

Have the talk.

Sexual health

It’s also wise to talk about sexual health with your partner. Don’t compromise your health because your date is embarrassed or thinks you are worrying excessively.

Newly single older people in their fifties and above are a risk category because there was not much sex education at school, and they dated pre-AIDs.

Make sure you have the talk and have the sexual health checks.

Religion

So, you’re dating, and things are going great. You two have a lot in common, share the same values, and seem to be on the same page about everything. But there’s still one topic to discuss.

If you’ve been listening carefully, you’ve picked up a few clues about where your date stands. Delve deeper to determine your date’s expectations of you in the future.

I don’t like formal religion, and neither does my partner. If you can’t agree on where faith fits in your life, you are not likely to last as a couple.

Here is what you need to talk about:

Attending places of worship

Your date may have mentioned they’ve gone to church or talked about a person from their religious group. Is your date expecting you to go to their place of worship if your relationship develops? Would you be willing to go? How much time will this take up?

If you are religious, think about what you expect from your new partner and what role religion will take in your relationship. For example, if you pay a tithe to your church, how does that affect your partner?

What about children if you have them? What religion will they be expected to follow?

You need to know what you are willing to do, whatever your religious orientation.

Beliefs that go with the religion

I know a great many people who have faith. Some of them are open-minded, and some not so much.

If your date follows a religion, find out what that means to them. Personally, people who tell me that gay and divorced people are going to hell because they are sinners are a big turn-off.

It’s best to check what your date believes before you get a shock.

Summary

Before you take things any further with that special someone, be sure to discuss money, sex, and religion.

It may not be the most romantic conversation you’ll ever have. But it could avoid any potential surprises down the road.

And who knows? Talking about these topics might help you decide if this is really the person for you. Your date might be grateful you brought it up too!