7 Life Lessons I Realized in Middle Age
Simple advice that I wish I knew in my 20s
Dreams of time travel
As a woman of a certain age, it’s easy to look back over my life and think about the mistakes that I’ve made. Decades of trial and error, achievements and disappointments have coloured my perspectives on a range of real-life experiences. The reality is that the older you get, the more clearly you see every life situation for what it really is.
Oh, to be able to time travel back to those awkward teenage moments, or during that breakup where you were sure that the world was about to end.
“If I knew then what I know now” is a poignant sentiment from all of us who have made mistakes — and have lived to remember these missteps in all of their vivid glory.
“If I knew then what I know now” is a poignant sentiment from all of us who have made mistakes — and have lived to remember these missteps in all of their vivid glory.
And as simple and straightforward that the following advice may seem, know that for many of us, it takes years — no, decades — to come to these realizations. Some never come to them at all, and some do, though much later in life than would have been ideal.
I won’t talk about gratitude here because hopefully, that’s a given. Of course we should be grateful, and many of us are. We’re grateful for waking up each day to a new day and new opportunity to get it right. Gratitude is indeed a starting point for happiness, but there are specific and practical things that can be done to make life easier and more enjoyable and at the end of the day, isn’t that what we’re all seeking to achieve?
To this end, here are the seven life lessons that can help you get through this long, strange trip just a little bit more easily.
Life Lesson #1 — Don’t take your good health for granted
Though it may not seem likely, it’s a fact: your health could turn in an instant. In one’s youth, it’s almost impossible to imagine not having the strength, resilience and energy to continue through each day without aches and pains — or worse. A strange yet common feature of being young is believing that everything is as it always is and always will be. In other words, that everything will remain the same, mentally and physically in particular.
This idea is false. Absolutely false.
As someone whose body slowly revealed its flaws over many years until a name was put to the misery — lupus — know that although all may seem well with your physical health, it may not be. Get checked out regularly. Keep in contact with your doctor or healthcare professional, and don’t skip those important (and sometimes icky) tests: blood tests, annual physicals, etc.
Though it may not seem likely, it’s a fact: your health could turn in an instant.
It’s difficult to imagine oneself in less than peak condition when looking from the vantage point of youth. Just remember: those older folks who complain about their various ailments were young and seemingly healthy once too.
Life Lesson #2 — Listen to your inner voice
You know that nagging inner voice that tells you not to do something when you’re just about to do it? Or that same voice that tries to steer you on a path away from that creepy boyfriend/girlfriend/stranger or otherwise?
Listen to it. It knows of what it speaks.
How many times have you done something, gone somewhere, dated someone or similar, and lived to regret it? How many times have you said to yourself in retrospect “Why didn’t I just listen to my intuition? I knew that something was wrong but ignored that nagging voice in my head.”
When in doubt, don’t. Just don’t.
Hindsight is 20/20 they say, but is unfortunately crystal clear after the damage has been done. Avoid the damage altogether by following your gut and opting out of a potentially bad or painful situation whenever is necessary.
This is a very long way of heeding the advice that many of our parents gave us when we were young: When in doubt, don’t.
Life Lesson #3 — Actions have consequences
Some people call it “karma.” Others cite physics: to every action, there is a reaction. Whatever you call it, know that every word, action negative thought has an equal counter event that will balance what has been said or done. In a more simpler term: treat others the way you want to be treated. If you wouldn’t want something said or done to you, don’t do the same to someone else.
To every action, there is a reaction.
Life Lesson #4 — Admit when you’re wrong and if necessary, apologize
In other words, don’t be too proud. Don’t let your ego get the better of you. It’s easy to be self-righteous, especially when the ignorance of youth is the deciding factor. Wisdom, unfortunately, comes with age. Experience makes us wiser — and more humble, usually because we’ve made mistakes in the past and know better than to repeat the bad behaviour. Having the maturity and humility to own your mistakes and admit to them is a sign of personal strength and integrity and as difficult as it may be, it’s a step towards becoming a stronger and more compassionate person overall.
Life Lesson #5 — Be flexible
“The only thing constant is change”
It’s a tired old adage that is — for better or worse — true.
Change is the fabric of life, with its existence present in each joyful moment and each painful event. On a positive note, change, by definition, can be a symbol of progression. It can also be a demarcation between the old and the new. It can be the catalyst that reminds us that we have to move on from a situation, however good or bad it may be. Nothing remains the same.
For this reason, it’s important to be flexible and nimble, because you never know when this attribute will save you from sadness or disappointment. The ability to “roll with the punches” is underrated: going with the flow may save you from considerable pain — physical or otherwise.
Life Lesson #6 — This won’t have any importance a year from now
“I just died of humiliation!”
“I don’t know how I’m going to get over this.”
“My life is over.”
How many of us have uttered variations of these sentences in our lives? How many haven’t? Most likely, that unforgettable moment of shame or regret has made you ask yourself “why?” But here’s an idea: Perhaps the question should be “why not?”
Why shouldn’t we have to deal with those cringeworthy moments that made us stop in our tracks, wishing that we had the ability to crawl into the nearest hole or shrink into the tiniest versions of ourselves so as to be made invisible? It’s these moments that teach us the lessons in life that make us stronger and wiser as we age.
More importantly and on the same vein, whatever the situation is, whatever occurred or whatever you regret, it likely won’t have any importance a year from now. This may be hard to believe in the midst of adolescent, Millennial or even late-thirties drama, but it’s a fact. Time has a strange way of putting things in perspective. What seemed to be a monumental occurrence is seen for what it really is — no big deal — when we look back through the lens of time. “Hindsight is 20/20” they say, alluding to the crystal clarity with which we view a situation that happened so many years ago. And regardless of the circumstance, there’s not much in this world that holds the same importance or magnitude of emotion in the moment as it does many years later. So, to save yourself years of unnecessary regret or worry, forget it. It really doesn’t matter.
Whatever the situation is, whatever occurred, or whatever you regret, it likely won’t have any importance a year from now.
Life Lesson #7 — It could all end tomorrow so make sure to enjoy today
Ever hear the expression “life is short?”
It’s true.
Now, of course we all know that “short” is a relative term, but in the larger scheme of things, the average human life expectancy is minuscule compared to the age of the universe. In other words, make hay while the sun shines.
Those who have seen the fragility of existence will tell you the same: enjoy it while you can.
Those who have seen the fragility of existence will tell you the same: enjoy it while you can. Oftentimes, it’s a life or death scenario that shakes us up to the importance of living in the moment. It may be the realization that we’re here for a good time, not a long time. It may be the diagnosis of a chronic or terminal illness. Whatever the case may be, these clarion moments should be the catalyst to live in the moment and for today. Tomorrow is never promised and yesterday is gone. Mindfulness teachings urge us to live in the moment, seize the day and be thankful for each second that you’re alive. Simple but powerful lessons that could change the experience of living a happier and more fulfilling existence well in advance of middle age.
It’s worth a try, isn’t it?
