Dispelling Autism Myths
Autistics are not all Rain Man and Sheldon Cooper
This one’s for the neurotypicals. If you’re Autistic, you’ve likely heard all of this before, but feel free to grab a cuppa and make yourself comfortable.
I didn’t recognize I’m Autistic until I was 38 years old because of all the stereotypes and misinformation which are so prevalent, so I’m going to do my small part by dispelling a few of those myths.
Autistic people can make eye contact
As Autism is a spectrum, each person’s ability and comfort level with making eye contact will differ, but it is a myth that we absolutely cannot or will not make eye contact.
Most of us are very uncomfortable with eye contact, and will only make fleeting eye-contact in an effort to make neurotypical (NT) people more comfortable, because in NT culture aiming your eyes at theirs shows you’re listening.
Many of us only do so because it was drilled into us growing up. Make eye contact. Stop fidgeting. What are you looking at over there? 1–2–3 eyes on me!
Autistic people can be social
Autistics aren’t all anti-social, non-speaking introverts (although many are). I’m hyper-verbal, so I tend to talk a lot, probably due to a lovely combination of Autism, social anxiety, and ADHD.
I enjoy socializing with certain people, with people who make me feel comfortable, who make me feel accepted for who I am. Outside of this, I have a very small capacity for social interaction and absolutely hate large crowds and big parties.
Even after social events which I enjoy, I tend to need a lot of recovery time. Recently we hosted our son’s birthday party at our home. There were a lot of people here. The kids had a great time, our son was happy, so we were happy.
I needed two days to recover.
I reach my limit for “people-ing” a lot faster than most and require extensive alone time to recharge.
In a similar vein, Autistics tend to have different styles of interaction as compared to NTs when it comes to socializing with friends. (Again, keeping in mind that Autism is on a spectrum, and each individual will have their own needs and preferences).
Our communication styles tend to be very different. I very much prefer blunt styles of communication. I like when people tell me exactly what they think, in plain language, without subtlety or mincing words. Not everyone appreciates that.
A lot of Autistics enjoy something called parallel play, but in this case, it’s not limited to children. I enjoy hanging out with my son and husband while we all read our own books. This is a form of parallel something — parallel enjoyment, perhaps.
We’ll read our books, occasionally sharing something of particular interest that we read, but mostly just relaxing together. Some people enjoy playing video games on different devices while in the same room, sporadically sharing something cool with the other person, but not playing the same game.
Lots of people like doing crosswords across from each other while drinking their morning coffees, periodically asking each other for help if they get stuck on a clue, and nobody calls this “inappropriate play”.
Yet when Autistics line up their toys or play side-by-side without directly interacting, this is considered somehow incorrect, simply because it’s not how the neurotypicals usually do things.
Being social in different ways does not make us anti-social, it just means we have different ways of engaging and enjoying the company of others.
Autistics can experience intense emotions
There is a harmful stereotype that Autistics are unfeeling and lack empathy. This is inaccurate. We frequently experience, process, and express our emotions differently from NTs, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.
We may also have difficulty identifying, naming, and describing our feelings, something called Alexithymia. This is partially due to deficits with interoception — the ability to perceive and understand the signals which come from within our own bodies.
Another reason we may struggle with Alexithymia is we’re usually taught what emotions look and feel like from a neurotypical perspective — what emotions are supposed to look and feel like in a neurotypical brain and body.
Our brains aren’t typical, so neither are the ways our bodies experience and express emotions. When we do experience and express intense emotions, we’re usually told to “calm down” and stop doing whatever it is we’re doing.
When we suppress our emotional reactions, we’re told we’re lacking empathy, that we’re cold and unfeeling.
Make up your minds, would you?
Neurodivergents often have executive functioning challenges
Autistics, and many other NDs, struggle with executive dysfunction. This includes difficulties with:
- Inhibition (impulsivity)
- Cognitive rigidity
- Working memory
- Planning, organization, and time management
- Emotional regulation (and dysregulation)
Being Autistic isn’t just being in our own world (while this is sometimes true, we are very much aware of what’s going on around us, whether you think we are or not).
Having a neurodevelopmental disability is a hell of a lot more complex than that.
Autistics are All of The Things
Autistics can be cis-females, cis-males, transgender, non-binary, and everywhere in between. Autistics can be hyper-sexual, asexual, demisexual, homosexual, bisexual, monogamous, polyamorous… like I said, all of the things.
Autistics can be black, brown, white, from any ethnicity, cultural group, or socioeconomic status. We can be rebellious, defiant, contrary, adversarial, kind, thoughtful, and smart.
My point is there’s no singular way to be Autistic. We’re all awesome in our own divergent ways. We’re unique, just like everybody else.
© Jillian Enright, Neurodiversity MB
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