Challenge in Dating — We Listen to People We Shouldn't.

The ridiculous dating advice that’s floating around really worries me.

I mentioned in another blog how there’s an endless number of podcasts talking about men and women, why relationships don’t work today, how men and women don’t know how to be in relationships, etc. (see below).

What’s funny is most of the time, the people talking on these podcasts do not have successful romantic relationships themselves.

This made me realize that another challenge we face in dating is seeking advice and listening to people who have no idea what it takes to make a relationship work.

Do I know? I definitely know a little bit.

I’ve been in a serious relationship for about a year and a half, and I’ve made significant progress — both individually and as a partner.

My boyfriend and I have learned valuable lessons by being self-aware and seeking resources we know will have a positive impact.

This is creating a safe environment for both of us and helping us get closer, thus creating a stronger foundation for our future.

So if you’re looking for a serious relationship or are already in one and want solid advice that will actually help you and your partner work through the challenges you face, here are some guidelines that will help weed through the information that’s nonsensical and doesn’t offer any real solutions.

1. Don’t listen to someone just because you know them and they know you.

Look for people who have proof of what you’re looking to have.

When I first began dating my boyfriend, I made this mistake.

I tried to seek relationship advice from people who didn’t have what I wanted and didn’t know what they were talking about.

I’m not saying because someone is single, they may not have good advice. Plenty of single people do.

I made the mistake of not being analytical about the source the information was coming from.

Although I do love my family and friends, they don’t have the kind of romantic relationship I’m looking to have.

When I sought their advice, I got information that was unhelpful because it didn’t lead to the outcome I was looking for.

Make sure that you’re seeking advice from a couple whose relationship you admire. Odds are, they will tell you what you need to hear.

2. Do not be afraid of voicing your wants and needs.

Be vulnerable, accept what your needs and wants are, and don’t sell yourself short or try to convince yourself you want something else.

This will only cause trouble in the future.

Social media is the perfect place for misinformation.

We’re told by self-proclaimed gurus what to do to attract a man or a woman and what will keep them around.

I highly dislike this type of advice because instead of focusing on helping you figure out your emotional needs and how to bridge the gap of having different needs from your partner, it tells you how to behave so you can possibly keep a person you’re interested in around.

The point isn’t to convince someone to stay.

The point is to find someone who wants to stay, who will work through the challenges, and who is capable of meeting your emotional needs (and you meet theirs) so the relationship has a future.

Knowing what you're needs are will help you figure out what kind of partner you’re looking for.

Don’t listen to advice that says you need to change.

The only time advice like this is helpful is when you’re working through your traumas and healing.

Part of the healing journey requires you to end old bad habits.

But if you’re hearing advice that says you need to lower your standards or pretend your needs aren’t what they are — basically, be someone else so the person you’re interested in takes notice of you, run.

3. Be careful of someone who appears to be an authority on the subject — even me!

Use that wonderful brain of yours to deduce whether the information or advice seems reasonable.

With the explosion of short-form video content, we’re scrolling through hundreds of videos, if not more, daily.

We’re bombarded by information 24/7.

Something I’ve noticed myself do is take the information I come across at face value and not think to analyze the source further.

As I said earlier, a lot of the people giving relationship advice on these platforms do not have successful working relationships.

How do you know what’s the best way to work through a relationship challenge when you’re not in a relationship?

I’m happy to say I do have some form of credibility, but even then, be analytical of the advice that’s coming from someone you don’t know.

Or at least advice from someone you may never meet in person.

4. Trust that you have what it takes to go on this journey.

You’re capable of figuring out who’s a good match for you and who’s not.

We all have what it takes to do this.

I used to believe I didn’t, that I wasn’t enough to figure this dating thing out on my own.

But I did.

The funny thing is, when I started to listen to people less and less, and chose to look within, to pay attention to my feelings, how I was reacting, and how a person made me feel, I began putting together a clear picture of who I wanted to be in a relationship and how I wanted to be treated.

Most of the time, the advice we hear is just a distraction.

When you take the time to get to know yourself, you figure out pretty quickly what matters to you the most.

When you quiet down the noise of the outside world, you can hear what’s happening inside.

Get to know yourself. Figure out the things that bring you joy and the ways you feel loved.

Knowing who you are and what you stand for gets you three-quarters of the way there.