Lessons On What To Do Before Dating Again

Here are a few lessons I learned when I started to date again with intentionality.

One aspect of being human is that we yearn for a life partner. We want to share ourselves with another person and create a life together. This will hopefully allow us to create a family and a home.

In order to get the above, we have to date (sad emoji face).

I’m joking.

But the truth is, we do need to go through a process of finding a partner that is reliable and with whom we are sure we can do this thing called life.

If you took a break from dating and are getting back out there, or if you’re wanting to date seriously for the first time, here are some lessons I learned to help with the process of finding a good potential partner.

1. Know what you’re looking for.

I had a lot of work to do in this area. I was a shallow gal for a long time.

If a guy looked the part, then I would give him a chance. And boy, did I learn the hard way.

Looks are obviously not everything. They also fade with time, so we’re also screwed in that regard.

I’m not saying looks are not important; they are, in the beginning.

Being attracted to your partner is part of chemistry. But looks are definitely not the most important aspect when looking for a good partner.

When I took a break from dating, I wrote down the top three things I would like my partner to have, or at least what three aspects I would like for a man to have that would convince me to give him a chance.

Those are communication, a sense of humor, and loyalty.

If a man has or potentially could have these three, I was willing to have a deeper conversation and get to know him better.

2. Be willing to give someone a chance even if, off the bat, they don't seem to be what you prefer.

I had to learn to let some preferences take a backseat.

One thing I think is unrealistic for us women is to get the guy to look the part, act the part, and basically be everything and anything we want without flaws.

News flash — Prince Charming doesn’t exist.

I’m not saying settle, either.

I’m saying certain preferences like height, eye color, hair color, skin color, and even race can take a backseat because, at the end of the day, what matters most is the content of that man’s character.

I’m glad I was able to put some of these preferences aside and gave a chance to the man who became my boyfriend.

We’ve been together for about a year and a half.

In the looks department, he wasn’t what I would call my preference. I’m not saying he’s not attractive. He is. He’s 6'1", 200 lbs, has an athlete's body, and a gorgeous face.

You know, ladies, how there could be a very good-looking guy in the room, and you can acknowledge his good looks, but at the same time, you’re not drooling over him? That’s how I first felt about him when we met.

This turned out to be helpful because it allowed me not to get caught up only in his looks.

I was able to look at him as a whole person, who, like me, is not perfect and has flaws, and say, this man is a man of character, and I’m willing to give him a chance.

This is what I mean by putting some unnecessary preferences aside.

3. Expect challenges and difficulties along the way.

You will need to go through a few frogs to find your knight.

The disastrous experiences I had before I met my boyfriend still seem unreal.

I’m just glad I didn’t have to go through too many. Otherwise, I probably would have taken another break from dating.

Ladies, unfortunately, you will go through some disappointments and letdowns from other men until you get to meet the guy that will take you seriously.

I had two terrible dating experiences prior to meeting my boyfriend. They really made me question whether I really wanted to date because they gave men a terrible reputation.

But alas, I didn’t give up, and on a fateful December night, when I went out with girlfriends last minute, I met my man.

It’s true when people say you will find someone when you least expect it.

So don’t give up!

Never stop fighting for your values and beliefs.

Or change them so you can make another person comfortable with who you are.

This is something that I needed to settle on before dating again.

When I took a break from dating and focused on my personal growth, I was able to settle firmly on what my values and beliefs are.

Taking the time to look within myself to imagine what kind of relationship, even marriage, I wanted to have helped me get a very clear idea of what I wanted to work toward.

That’s not to say that if a man doesn’t fill your picture perfectly, then he’s not worth a chance.

What I’m saying is if a man makes you feel like you need to change your values or if he says he has different values, then maybe he’s not someone you should pursue a relationship with.

One thing that keeps my boyfriend and I working through our challenges is exactly that — we share similar values.

We both value communication, loyalty, and a sense of humor, among others.

We both care about creating a healthy space and environment where we can freely and openly communicate. We care for each other's well-being and want to be there for each other.

We’ve had issues in our relationship; everyone has them.

But because we’re both settled on creating a future with the goal of one day having a family and share the same values in regard to kids, and family life, we know we’re working towards a common goal, and neither one of us is wasting the other’s time.

So if you’re thinking of getting back into the dating world or you’re going to date for the first time, these are a few lessons I believe will help you on your journey.

If you made it to the end, thank you for reading!