When Is the Time to Walk Away from an Argument?

I’m learning what effective conflict resolution is and isn’t.

The lessons I’ve learned that I will discuss in this blog stem from having arguments and resolving conflicts within my relationship.

Side note — I’m astonished at how much I’ve learned and the growth I’ve made from being in a relationship for almost a year.

It’s incredible what you can learn but, more importantly, who you can become when you intentionally try to improve your conflict resolution skills.

By no means is the journey an easy, steady one.

There are moments when I feel I have taken ten steps back, and I wonder if the progress I thought I had been making was exaggerated.

Other times, I feel so proud of myself for how I respond to a situation that I hardly recognize myself.

It’s a rollercoaster. But the skill set you develop will bring you closer to the person you admire and want to become.

It’s a fight worth fighting because once you know how to set proper boundaries and walk away from a situation with no solution, you will stop wasting your time.

You will also make sure you are respected wherever you go, and you will create peace in your life.

I’ve found there are a couple of clues that help you determine whether a conversation is wasted breath.

First clue — identifying whether the person you’re talking to wants a solution or a fight.

Recently, I got into a not-so-nice argument with my boyfriend.

I’m not proud about it because, at some point, I also lost my cool and became a very mean person.

But by God's grace, I took a breath, interrupted my anger, and realized how the argument we were having was going nowhere.

I realized my boyfriend was triggered, and there wasn't much I could do to calm him down or de-escalate his anger. However, being started is no excuse to treat your partner poorly.

This was a perfect opportunity to set a clear boundary in my relationship that would let my partner know I would not tolerate being treated a certain way and was unwilling to participate in an argument for the sake of arguing.

Long story short, I set the boundary, and my boyfriend understood he behaved poorly. It was an excellent lesson for both of us.

He learned at some point he has to take responsibility for his triggers and find ways to bring himself back to calm so we can talk, and I learned to set and maintain a proper boundary.

I give you this example because I could walk away from an argument going nowhere fast, and it saved me a lot of tears, frustration, and anger.

A side note I want to make about establishing proper boundaries has to do with the grey area that exists in it.

We cannot use boundaries as an excuse to keep ourselves in our comfort zones.

I’ve noticed with a few past friendships that their definition of boundaries meant not letting anything uncomfortable happen to them or happen in their relationships (romantic and otherwise).

I find this to be unhelpful in the long run because there’s no way to progress and grow without having crucial conversations and getting out of your comfort zone.

I hope this explains what I mean.

What I’m trying to say is some people use boundaries as an excuse not to have uncomfortable yet essential conversations necessary to progress. Both individually and as a couple, with close friends, etc.

Back to my point. Being able to identify where an argument or discussion is headed will allow you to make the decision to walk away from it or not.

Being able to tell the difference will save you a lot of time and frustration.

Second clue — the person you’re talking to is actually hearing what you’re saying.

There have been moments when I feel my partner is genuinely hearing me and other moments when I feel my partner is listening to have a comeback.

The difference lies in how the other person responds to what you have just told them.

When your partner is not listening, this is actually a great opportunity to point out what’s happening. Hopefully, your partner or whoever you’re talking to will take a moment and realize how the conversation is not based on working toward a solution.

If both of you arrive at this conclusion, you can begin leading the conversation to a resolution.

If, on the other hand, the person ignores your observation. Maybe it’s time to call it quits.

There’s also a grey area here. Because people are not perfect, and they are not going to catch themselves making a mistake or not helping a situation for the better every single time.

It’s important to have grace. But giving grace doesn’t mean lower your standards.

You can respectfully say you do not want to participate in the conversation since you see it’s not going anywhere.

You can give grace by saying you will give this conversation another chance later.

Have grace with standards.

There are definitely more clues that can point out if a conversation you’re having is a productive one with a goal or a waste of time.

These two are the ones I’ve been able to identify so far.

I’m sure I will learn a few more, and once I do, I’ll be sure to let you all know and help you develop conflict resolution skills and proper boundary setting.

Until next time!

Tell me, what have you learned about setting proper boundaries and resolving conflict?