What I’ve Learned Men Can’t Resist

It’s more nuanced than a simple how-to and checking off some boxes.

This is closely tied to self-development and emotional intelligence. Something I’m not so sure people want to hear.

We want quick answers and faster-than-lighting solutions. Unfortunately, not everything in the world and life can be solved in 1-day expedited shipping.

Some things can take years.

I’ve written a few blogs about the various challenges women and men face in the dating world — from vulnerability issues to misconceptions due to misinformation and the false portrayal of what both men and women want in the media (I’ve sprinkled a few of those blogs throughout this one).

I’ve reflected on my experiences both in my emotional development and the dating world. I’ve come to conclude there are two things that women can grow to have that can make them irresistible in the eyes of men.

These are —

Confidence and kindness.

I’m not talking about fake confidence that comes from looks or possessions.

I’m talking about true confidence, which comes from having peace of mind.

I experienced this when I finally started to love myself and was no longer at war with my mind and body.

I began looking at myself more kindly and believing what people around me had told me for years — I’m beautiful and good enough, just the way I am.

Some of you are not going to like what I’m about to say. It took me years to get to this frame of mind.

I developed disorderly eating patterns at a very young age and had a very poor self-image, which drove my behavior for years.

I became obsessed with my appearance and did a lot of unhealthy things to try to lose weight, which in my mind then, was the only way I could become beautiful and attractive.

But, of course, what I was doing wasn’t sustainable, and eventually, all the weight I had lost came back with a vengeance.

I took a hard look at myself in the mirror and admitted I was going about this the wrong way.

I needed first to think I was beautiful and worthy to then start making permanent lifestyle changes.

It took me seven years to finally crawl out of the mental jail I put myself in, but I did it. And the results were astounding.

Towards the end of these seven years, what I thought were miracles started to happen.

I suffered from hormonal acne since I was 13, and finally, it began to clear up. My skin had never looked better.

I also lost weight. Almost 20 lbs!

Part of my healing journey involved letting go of all the tools I used to limit my eating and ensure I was losing weight.

One of those tools is a scale.

After years of not weighing myself, I did it out of curiosity and saw I had lost about 19 lbs.

I’ve been able to keep the weight off.

These results came from transformative lifestyle changes that prioritized my mental and physical health.

I changed from eating to lose weight to eating to feel my best (I had an appendectomy during this time and decided to take my health more seriously).

I changed from thinking, ‘I’m not beautiful until I get X’ to ‘I am worthy and beautiful, and having X or Y doesn’t determine my value.’

I healed from most of the toxic habits I developed from trying to become what the world wants from a woman.

I healed by learning and believing I’m much more than my size and weight.

I healed from the inside out, and people around me took notice.

Shortly after these seven years, I began getting the attention of men. In the beginning, I was baffled.

I would think, ‘I’m not doing or saying anything to this guy that would get his attention, so why is he approaching me?’

Looking back, I realize there was another aspect besides my newfound confidence which made me attractive— kindness.

Throughout this journey of healing, I learned how to be kinder.

I realize now what took place. You can only love and treat others to the extent you love and treat yourself.

Once I learned how to be kinder and more loving toward myself, I extended it to the people around me.

And who doesn’t want to be around a warm, kind, and nice person?

I know I love those people. They brighten your day with just a smile. A kind gesture that restores your faith in humanity.

I’ve been blessed to have crossed paths with people like this many times. And I’m even more blessed to have become one.

I believe these traits made me a desirable woman in the eyes of men.

I think this comes from a deeper desire men feel besides physical and sexual attraction. Perhaps it’s the nurturing qualities that come from kindness; I’m still not quite sure (tell me what you think in the comments).

Kindness is not something that appears on your body or face. It’s a feeling you get from looking at a person, having a simple interaction, or having a conversation.

It’s welcoming and inviting — attractive. Fortunately, it’s also a skill that can be learned.

Being confident and kind is a great recipe to attract men. However, remember, the goal isn’t just to attract men. It’s to attract good men.

After all, finding a good man is easier said than done.

What other traits have you found men cannot resist in a woman?